Year end review; Goodbye 2008

When I think of this past year, I think of major change. A lot can occur in twelve months, a relatively short time in number, but in time it can either feel like an eternity or zip by in a blink.

It has taken me a few weeks to think of and write my end of year post. I wasn’t sure how to word what I wanted to say, wasn’t sure how much I WANTED to say and no matter how I thought about it; I seemed to trip over my words like a newborn unable to walk properly.

In my previous two years, End of year posts, I listed several aspirations. The idea was nice, it felt good and it served me well in the past two years. I actually did do some of the things I set out to do and for those that I didn’t do, I felt no guilt (very important for someone like me :P). But the really important things never got worked. Sure there were some that ranked pretty high on my list of things to do, but the health ones never got worked.

So despite last year’s constant change, (the events and trials of which I won’t bother to recount)…I have decided to focus on only one goal this year. One constant to try and balance the chaos that sometimes surrounds my life.

This year I will get healthy.

It’s multi-layered in its design. Healthy to me means, losing weight, balancing a healthy spirituality and really delving into what makes me happy; Spiritual, mental, and physical health.

I suffer from depression. It’s not constant, but when it hits usually because of any number of mundane things that transpire, it can deeply affect me. This depression acts as a catalyst for apathy, allowing the goals and ideas I have set aside to practice or do, to just…sit there untended.

In order to work on the mental side of my ‘get healthy” new year resolution/aspiration/goal. I will attack my depression. I have two blogs, this one and another http://serane.wordpress.com that I can utilize to password protect posts if I need to express something less desirable (blogspot does not allow for password protection I don’t believe). I will write everyday. Even if it’s just in my private journal, even if it’s just two words, I will write everyday.

In order to work on the spiritual side of my “get Healthy” new year resolution/aspiration/goal, I will dive into the practices I’ve read about for so many years but only practiced every once in a while. Specifically to start, with meditation. I get up early enough and have help around the house now (thank you Lonny!) that I have a little bit more time in the mornings. 10 minutes shouldn’t be that hard to find to sit quietly.

In order to work on the health side of my “get healthy” new year resolution/aspiration/goal, I will attack my depressive tendencies with regards to my physical health. I will walk more, I will eat less, I will eat better, and I will find things to do to keep me occupied, and keep me stimulated when I get bored. This is by far the hardest part of it; finding ways to keep occupied (especially at work). Even while watching TV I find that I’m idle and in comes the mentality of wanting to eat something.

I find that within me is a little girl who has been let loose to do whatever she wants for a very long time. And now it’s time to take the control I love to exert in other areas in my life, to her and show her the good side of accomplishment as opposed to the good (but temporary) feeling of doing whatever I want, which will inevitably kill me…

Wish me luck.