My love,
I’ve said those words a thousand times and never known what
they meant until there was you. Every moment this pen dipped in the ink and
shared its emotion it was just a shadow of what really was. Scratched on the surface in shades of grey without
the brilliance of color.
Today I sit in front of the massive fireplace that brightens
our nights and warms our flesh. The rich and warm colors of the curved, carved wood seem
to generate the warmth they’ve inherited from our evenings together. As I trace
my fingers over the wood surface memories spring to life under my fingertips.
I remember a night not too long ago and yet it seems like a
lifetime ago where we discussed the very real and terrifying prospect of the
health issues that plague me. The night shivered in the cold of the fear around
us and you, desperate to warm me kept me close to your heart holding me, whispering
to me. This fireplace bore witness that
night to the explosive growth of our hearts, how in a moment of fear we shared
a moment of deepening love. That somehow our love found another passageway deeper
into our souls and we dove in together hand in hand.
I shiver at that memory because it reminds me of how much
love we have. It tells me when I remember it how we went from lovers, to so
much more if that were even possible. How you held me, whispering to me that it
would be OK, that you would be here, would never leave. I clung to those words my love, they were my
lifeline in what you didn’t know was an encroaching darkness. They were the singular glow in my life
holding me up sustaining me, holding me, sometimes even carrying me.
In the nights to follow, and the months now we sat in front
of this fireplace telling each other of our love, pushing the darkness away by
our voices, and our light shared. The darkness tried so hard every night to
claim what it wanted but it never succeeded; because you, because of us, because
of our love.
Those words and actions have become my permanent beacon
leading me always to you. Even now when I sit here alone thinking of you I feel
you here. Because I hear you. I can hear those words as if they were
whispered just now, and I touch my ear swearing your lips grazed my skin…
Love makes no sense my beloved, but in my life where I have
wandered, wondered and doubted; it finally makes sense to me because it’s you. I
throw another log on the fire making sure it burns warmly waiting for your
presence. Because every night we are
together even when we’re apart; and my heart will for the rest of my life,
welcome you home. My beloved, my
protector, defender, angel, love, lover and best friend. You are my everything, you are truly “My Love”.
Forever your Muse in all worlds,
Cal
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