Choice

One of the freedoms we are given is the ability to choose. In everything we do we make choices. I too make them and I make bad ones too. All my life I've judged people in a certain situation (edited obviously for privacy). I always thought, how could you do that. I sat on my high and mighty morals and looked down saying "I would never do that".

Well it seems I've gotten a clearer perspective on how people may literally "Fall" into the environment of which I used to judge. I can no longer look down my nose at those people. I can only look back at those staring at me now and hang my head too, for I know I've done wrong.

The problem is... I'm weak as well. My psyche has been battered about for about 4 years and it's been a constant barrage of things. Job losses, Marriage loss, emotional instability. All these things contribute. And now I am alone.

I'm alone even though I'm surrounded by literally hundreds of people daily. messed up eh?

I've let myself get backed into a corner and i'm too weak to crawl out now. Everyday I gain some strength, some nerve and hopefully soon before I go totally insane I will do the one thing I need to do to cut deadweight from me that wraps itself in the disguise of l***. (again edited)

You can't say one thing and do another... You can't do one thing and expect another that you do something else with to just sit idly by. not for this long.

For Now I still have a choice, and I choose not to exert it. I've sufficiently damned myself to an existence that goes against my morals (in my opinion), and although it has the potential to be something so beautiful, will still like the elusive rare flower be among shadows and hidden.

Yea so that shit sucks hard core.