Philosophy 101

I always feel when I come here to write, that I get too philosophical. But I guess that's what this is for right?

Oh before I forget, hot off the press! http://utopiaskye.ipbhost.com/index.php?showtopic=1799 (if you can't see it there, then go here: http://allpoetry.com/Poem/1325272_)

Anyway, yesterday marked one full year since Jessie passed away. I think while yesterday was hard onme, I was sick also so with the achyness associated with a bad cold, I didn't really feel much else except sad. Sunday however, I did feel it... very much so. I had recently reactivated my account in Star Wars Galaxies and I went to where USC (Utopia Skye City) used to be. It's funny how much a game can have an impact on your thoughts, memories, etc. Well USC is now a ghost town, but there are a few houses scattered throughout. Kami's house, Fools' house, Mel's house, Shaun's house to name a few... but the one that stood out the most was Jessie's house. It still stands. Last year on the 13th of June, Tony myself and one other went to her house and put in enough money so that (barrng a server wipe) it would remain, and I was shocked that it still stood.

So I know it sounds very strange but standing on the stoop of that pixelated house, I started to cry. I sat staring at my computer for a few seconds before I could enter. Then when I did I visited each of the rooms (there are only two) but in one her robe stood... After she died I had these robes made in game, that when you hover over them say her quote "I've yet to encounter anything more important than friends". I had forgotten I put it in there.

An online friend just stood with me. Again I know surreal because we just stood there and at my desk in real life I cried. Jessie was much more than pixels to me. BECAUSE of Jessie, I believe that love that is inherent to your SOUL can be had without having to meet someone. Any thoughts differently might sound like the question of faith "Do you have to see an angel to know they exist?" Anyway, I stayed in her house for a little bit and I tried really hard to search myself for the strength that this one woman possessed.

Her strength was of the kind that comes from a beautiful soul. I know we tend to glorify people especially if they've passed, but even when she was alive she was a testament to strength. God, I fail so much at trying to be strong. I look back on a lot of my previous posts and while they are not delusional rants, I just wish that I had Jessie's strength to do the things I need to do for myself.

As much as I understand of things, I know nothing...

ahhh it seems i've derailed my own post. *sigh* The point is... sometimes we are given "Vision", clear eyesight at which for a precious few seconds we can see what things are "really" about... REALLY about... it's like seeing love as a tangible, literally like a golden thread that is there for us to weave into our lives if only we choose to take it. And when we do... it's like perfection. Too soon life blinds us, boxing us into the dimensions of what someone else's perceptions of how things should be.

I am lucky for even been given that vision. I still hold it clutched in my fist pressing it against my heart fighting sometimes to remove the blinders. It's hard without Jessie, she made it easy for me to have that vision because of her unconditional love of me. So I just try.

So today I'll breathe deeply, and at least just once today I will share love with someone else somehow. *hugs*