So help me out here...

The little paranoia demon is at work again inside me.

Let me attempt to explain this scenario to you.

You have friend x, who's a new friend, very nice very open with you. You also have friend y, same deal. Friend z comes along and is nice too but you hear from friend y, that frined z is taking about you. Then through more discussion and the revealing of this friend z to be talking about you as true, you discover that friend x, is using you...and has been from the start.

So up to this moment you have friend y who has been the only one to be honest with you in the long run. But what if they want something too? Or worse yet, what if it's just a huge plot for all three of the friends to break my spirit.

That's how I feel today. I feel like I can't trust anyone. Folks I've come to know online some for years... Well there are a few that I trust implicitly... i can think of like 5 off the top of my head. well more like 3-4.

But does everyone want something? I mean this person wants one thing, this one another... and in the end I'm still left alone, and wondering if I even have friends. This on top of the fact that I wish I had a partner.

I swear the more I feel like this the more I just want to die... Close up, close off, tune out. When I feel like this I just want to hide and not trust anyone.

Not only that but some people I've known for years have opinions of me. I know, everyone will have an opinion. But some of them think .. I dont know I'm not making sense

I just can't verbalize it all. But here I am at work typin in my blog because it bothered me enough today that I had to write it down.

Random Poetry
*sigh* i have none.... again