Communication

Communication is not always easy. Just ask all the counselors out there who see a lack of it everyday in their practice. It’s not easy. But for me, sometimes and especially as of late, it’s become more than not easy. It’s become a mental journey through struggle of conversations that may not go as I plan.

I’m still getting used to the emotions that run through me at any given time; some known and some that sneak up on me pouncing at the most inappropriate times. Sometimes I can see the differences in communication though not at the time I’m having the discussion. It takes me a “cool down” time that I never really had to deal with too much before. After the heat is over (which can take days sometimes now) I can see that my mother and talk differently and after 31 years of communicating, we still don’t have it right. I can see that she states the obvious because she’s thinking aloud, and I can see that when she does that during a time when I’m upset, I leap to conclusions. I can see that sometimes she means what she says and says she doesn’t mean it when she see my reaction, because she’s trying to salvage the conversation.

I can see that when a conversation that doesn’t go the way I anticipated and throws more things at me to think about (like someone else’s opinion on the matter), I get confused. I suffer the fight or flight syndrome when conversations like that happen, having to struggle to not say “Okay, fine, forget it”, when the matter should be pressed and resolved.

Communication is hard. Relationships are work. But the payoff is a reward when mastered successfully that is immeasurable. I have to work hard to see the end goal sometimes, thanks to my emotions clouding everything. And more often than not, tears are the only thing that open my eyes even as they cloud them.

So beware friends if we argue, or have difference of opinion; don’t take things personally, state your opinion or feelings clearly and without a rise in temper, and remember that sometimes I’m not going to be myself as far as emotional stability. In return, I will remember to breathe and resolve the issue until it’s exhausted itself into nothingness. I will also work very hard to control the roller coaster of emotions inside me so that harsh words are not spoken that have no basis in truth.

These are the thoughts on my mind today.

Muse