YAY my Taxes are DONE!!!

My Taxes are done!!!! WOOOHOOO

So here’s how the story of my taxes goes… Wake up today just barely on time, throw my hair in some style, get dressed and sit down feeling guilty about my taxes in front of the pc. Start them online with TurboTax at 6:20 (NOTE the time, I should already be leaving for work :P ). Finish my federal filing at 6:30 and start my state, leave the house at 6:35am WAAAY late, and head to work nearly done with my taxes. Fly like a bat out of hell through a normally 45 minute drive (thank god for holiday weekends and green lights!) and get to work at 7:08am YAY!. Sit down and begin again where I left off. One half hour later finish my taxes pay my $64.85 in filing/payment right from my return (versus credit card and paying now) and smile at the little bit of money I’ll be getting back. (Yes, little… the filing fees were $64.85 so that didn’t help but for the ease of mind and convenience I’ll pay it).

And voila taxes are done man! Heh.

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And now onto much more important topics (I mean who really cares about taxes anyway?).

THANK YOU DANA!!!!!!!

I was hitting a low slump yesterday. I actually made a blog post and didn’t post it, it was that bad :P But Dana called literally at 3:30pm and started talking about sushi and she said the magic word (Shout it if you know it!) AVOCADOS. The sharp intake of breath at the very mention of that most delicious food was enough to know that no matter how low I was feeling, I was going for sushi :P

And on the 7th day God made sushi and it was so…and it was good

(Ok so he cheated and made avocados before then :P)

Thank you thank thank you Dana. I needed that.

After a good hearty meal of sushi and good soul food in the form of physical contact/friendship, I went home sated as if I had eaten a feast for a king. I also slept better last night than I have in a long time. Maybe it was the super white tuna that did it :P Though I’m more apt to think it was Dana.

I realized something yesterday as Dana and I stood outside the sushi house we had been at sighing over our delicious meal. Sometimes like the moment in time yesterday when I stood with her and thanked her for helping me see that I needed to be out, I realized… it doesn’t get any better than this.

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I could almost forget that I have love woes I had so much damn good sushi yesterday. But alas they persist as real as that annoying sound your alarm clock makes when you have to get up. I’m still single. Heh. I really have a wild pendulum effect of emotions about this. I’m sure everyone does. Everyone has self concerns, fears, doubts, etc. I try to keep it in that perspective. It’s hard though. I still struggle with it. I walk a thin line between hope and optimism and despair and fears. I feel loved one minute both online and offline (from my friends), and the next I feel alone because no matter what “potential partners” (not just friends, i.e. people I’ve met who’ve said they care for me and wish to be with me) won’t choose to be just that… Should I sit and wait? No… But it’s hard when you know what you want and you can’t have it.

I’ve also grown a little jaded these days. I have such a hard time when people online tell me “I would really like to get to know you”. To those people, I send them a link to my blog and say start here… Because as vague as the information can sometimes be, this is really the bleak, hopeful, assertive, optimistic truth of my current life. It may not be the best, but it is what it is. So if you want to get to know me, TRULY want to know me and take time to figure me out, then read… THEN show me you still care and that I am important. Because as far as that goes, I need (yes NEED) to know that I would be top priority… not every second of the day, but that I would be important. Only then can the words people may express, ever be more than just empty words filled with promises made of smoke. Then they can be reality.

And I want reality… I really do. I may not be ready to have someone in my personal space. I may think I’m ready for someone in my life and truly not be, but dammit I want the opportunity to know this, learn about this, and grow. I almost feel like this is the one area of life that just is the key to a lot of things. Wishful thinking? Maybe… but I’ll think it just the same.

I’m out here…waiting for you.

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WELL WISHES

Today I wish everyone peace, love, light and happiness… Do today whatever makes you happy. Get an ice cream cone, have a glass of wine, call an old friend, whatever makes you happy do it today. Know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you strength for your decisions, peace for the past, and hope for the future in all you do.

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AND REMEMBER:

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time”
~Friedrich Nietzsche