35 year old Uncertainty...

If I were to die tomorrow,
Would my life have meant anything?

Would I have understood,
not just on the surface,
but deeply and personally,
that love is the only thing that matters?

Would I have smiled,
with intent,
for no reason other than it felt good
and not just falsely because I could?

Would I have respected myself,
enough to know that 5 minutes a day
really isn't a lot in the whole scheme of things...
And that was certain I could have found the time?

Would I have read all the great works
that I wanted to read,
and let their wisdom be imparted on me
and open my eyes with character & intelligence?

Would I have looked with a less judgemental eye,
at the things, people, ideals, traditions,
that I didn't understand
and instead smiled fully, accepting others?

Would I have risen above my oppression,
whatever I deemed that to have been,
and strode tall and firm
into the new waters of my life unexplored?

Would I have allowed myself,
many tears without shame,
so that my inner child,
learned from the start that we're all ok?

Would I have offered myself in trust
without fear skirting around the edges,
so that I could fully, if even for one moment
experience the bliss of romantic love?

Would I know intimately
that I am the cause and effect in my life
regardless of others,
and that I made the changes I could for ME?

~*~

Typing away at this reality
the reservor of emotion precariously perched
around me... life... work...
inside me uncertainty.

The shadow of youth's death
Ha! Youth at any age,
sits behind me,
my tail of reality

The echoes of my body,
aging slowly,
are more prominent now
and I am aware of them.

The burning questions,
cycling through my mind
are:

What have I done?

What have I learned?

How will I live it?

Questions as of yet, unanswered.

©SKW