Vacation Memories

My hand gripped the door handle and all I could think of was “I’m on vacation!” The trip had begun without a hitch thus far as we sat in the car driving (rocketing :P) towards our destination 7 hours away.

Then the bomb fell (insert dramatic music here). Google man turned to look at me and said these dreaded words “You need to navigate”.

“What? You DO know who you’re talking to right?”

So yours truly, directionally challenged and all, got a quick cliff notes version on how to read a map folks. That’s it, hell has truly frozen over, the muse provided directions (good ones at that)! Well, short of that small bump in the road in the beginning, our drive was smooth.

7 hours later we arrived in the sleepy little cabin area that is called “Tall Pines Resort”. Dotted all over the lakefront area are these cabins, (two bedrooms, small kitchen area, and living room) and docks everywhere. Immediately one takes in the forgotten sounds of nature; frogs in the afternoon heat, birds of all kind chatting to each other, crickets etc.

Stepping onto the deck of the cabin we were to stay in, it took me a few moments to adjust to the heat. But once I did, I sat down and immediately all the tension I felt over health worries, moving, money, literally just drained right out of me. How could it have stayed?

We met some really down to earth & funny people. We had so much fun on the pontoon boat (especially after I made Google man swear he wasn’t going to kill me with his driving on the boat! I swore I would haunt his family if he killed me :P)

But it wasn’t really until I was on the boat standing at the front watching the open lake, smelling the air as it whipped through my hair, and feeling the splash of the water against my skin, that I felt completely at home. With my Ipod firmly attached, Enya took the perfect opportunity to play “Water Shows the Hidden Heart” and it was a ride of pure bliss. The music, the air, the eagles, the water; I very nearly cried with happiness.

Bits of poetry came to mind, images sprang to life as they began to paint themselves in my memory & I soaked all I could in, so I could archive every second of it in my hall of “great moments lived”. I learned right there, what it was to be living in the moment, the lesson I had been striving to learn for some time.

And so I did live in the moment...

Packing seemed so far away, health concerns were non existent, and the child in me came out to play. It was a glorious time, one I shall never forget, and definitely EXACTLY what the Dr. Ordered for me…

(pics below)

I am so blessed for the experience I had, the company I kept, the peace I felt. Just as you, are a blessing to me as well…everyday.

Be well friends.

Rock Formations line the highway as we drive on....

Signs of the country abound...

Almost there!

At last, 7 hours later we reach our destination...

The moon makes her presence known early into the night...

Greenery, Nature, Loving it!

Heading out of the dock, on the pontoon boat, a water lily floats nearby...

Houses flank the shore, summer home delight!

Talk about a peaceful place to rest!

Amazing treeline!

Sparkling, like diamonds, the water is soooo inviting...

So close you could just touch it....(And I did! I swam in it :P)

Back on land, the flowers stand tall...

Look closely! do you see the frog?

Dragonflies are everywhere!

Sometimes they even darted close enough that I could take their picture...

The most majestic, regal bird I have ever seen, the Bald Eagle. (Sorry it's not a better shot, he never really got too close, though I got to see him close with binoculars... It took my breath away)

Second attempt to take his picture, better, but not the best...

The approaching sunset kisses the water in the sleepy little resort area...I didn't want to leave

And on our way home, we are greeted by a sunburst with gorgeous long rays. The sun stretches her arms far, and warmth reaches all.

Hope you enjoyed the pics!

Vacation; Reconnecting with Serenity

"The best way to pay for a lovely moment is to enjoy it." -- Richard Bach.

"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others." -- Peace Pilgrim

"It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere." -- Agnes Repplier.

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Vacation!

That’s a word I’m not familiar with at all :P Yes, your very own muse is taking her first vacation since 1995. I’m going to be spending 4 wonderful days disconnected from everything in Wisconsin. No cell reception and no internet… I’m either going to die or be in heaven :P

I’m looking forward to swimming, sleeping, reading, writing, taking pictures, getting on my first pontoon boat ever, more reading, watching sunrises and sunsets, good company, writing, swimming… not necessarily in that order; oh and getting grounded again! No better way to do that than in the presence of nature :)

This vacation comes right on the heels of a very stressful time for me. Right now as of this moment I have (not including today) 7 days to finish packing my house and then I move. I’ve been attempting to throw out more than I am boxing, and I’ve been doing well (having already filled up the dumpster once :P). This time, unlike last year when I cleaned, I’m getting rid of any shred of left over from my marriage. It’s time now, to officially say goodbye to that past and I’ve done so in leaps and bounds lately.

I’m going back for my second post op screening to make sure there is no more cancer for me (July 12th) and I’m hoping for the same news as last time, all good! Things should work out well, but keep your fingers crossed just in case.

I’ve been having a bit of heart troubles lately, but even though I’m seeing my cardiologist today, I believe it’s just stress and am hoping that this 4 day vacation will rejuvenate and reground me. I need that, my life has been on a roller coaster ride since last July.

I have to say I’ve been horrible though lately at reading people’s blogs. I’ll get there, it’s just that for the first time in a LONG time, I’m very busy; and as of late I’ve been swamped! I’m looking forward to catching up especially when I move into the new place and get settled.

Thank you for continually checking back with me folks, I’m glad to see you

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WELL WISHES

May you find peace, be grounded, smile a lot, cry only a little, and realize at the end of the day that you are special, loved, and cherished by at least one person.

You are a blessing to me everyday.

You are my sunshine... *Special Post*

Jessie: But I like fudge on my ice cream
Muse: I like ice cream, but only coffee flavor or cookie dough
Jessie: I like ice Creammmmm! When I get better the first thing I’m going to do is get a BIG bowl of ice cream!
Muse: I like your enthusiasm :P
Muse: I like you *wink*
Jessie: yea, well I Love you Cal!!!
(Conversation in Yahoo Instant Messenger 1-04)

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The above snippet was from a conversation I had with Jessie many years ago. I feel like such a jerk right now. Sitting here 6 days after the annual day of her passing and for the first time in now three years, I have missed the date. My only consolation comes from the fact that while I missed the day, I was living my life and that is something I know Jessie would want.

Despite her passing, her soul’s imprint remains firmly etched in mine. She still to this day affects me and I believe she always will.

In a conversation with Seraxa today we spoke of how things happen for a reason. Back when Jessie passed I couldn’t find a reason for such a beautiful soul to have suffered so. I couldn’t understand the forces in life/universe/heaven that would put us two together (even though I’m eternally grateful).

But I understand now. Her presence in my life strengthened me. It made me aware of so many things. It made me want to be more than I thought I was which at the time I thought was pretty good. I was wrong, I could have been so much better and she showed me that. She also strengthened me for my own battle (or brush) with cancer.

I think that Jessie is happy right now. In fact I know she’s happy just being out of pain, and able to watch over us all. But I think she’s standing next to me. Telling me, it’s ok that I’m late in posting; that the fact that I’m living my life is more a testament to her life now, than watching a clock to remember her in sadness.

So today I celebrate her in memory and in my heart. I offer her a banquet of love’s roses, of life’s joys, of happiness’s sweet serenity.

And I celebrate her love “Al” as he is known. For showing me every time I speak with him just how real, true love can be. She is always in our hearts but most especially yours Al…

Everyday I remember you…And today, I celebrate you as well. My angel, Jessie.

~*~

Jessie's Candle

Light a candle for Jessie or someone else you love... It takes only a few seconds.

35 year old Uncertainty...

If I were to die tomorrow,
Would my life have meant anything?

Would I have understood,
not just on the surface,
but deeply and personally,
that love is the only thing that matters?

Would I have smiled,
with intent,
for no reason other than it felt good
and not just falsely because I could?

Would I have respected myself,
enough to know that 5 minutes a day
really isn't a lot in the whole scheme of things...
And that was certain I could have found the time?

Would I have read all the great works
that I wanted to read,
and let their wisdom be imparted on me
and open my eyes with character & intelligence?

Would I have looked with a less judgemental eye,
at the things, people, ideals, traditions,
that I didn't understand
and instead smiled fully, accepting others?

Would I have risen above my oppression,
whatever I deemed that to have been,
and strode tall and firm
into the new waters of my life unexplored?

Would I have allowed myself,
many tears without shame,
so that my inner child,
learned from the start that we're all ok?

Would I have offered myself in trust
without fear skirting around the edges,
so that I could fully, if even for one moment
experience the bliss of romantic love?

Would I know intimately
that I am the cause and effect in my life
regardless of others,
and that I made the changes I could for ME?

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Typing away at this reality
the reservor of emotion precariously perched
around me... life... work...
inside me uncertainty.

The shadow of youth's death
Ha! Youth at any age,
sits behind me,
my tail of reality

The echoes of my body,
aging slowly,
are more prominent now
and I am aware of them.

The burning questions,
cycling through my mind
are:

What have I done?

What have I learned?

How will I live it?

Questions as of yet, unanswered.

©SKW

Awakening...

Awakenings

What is this stirring inside of me?
Soft butterfly wings dance against my soul
Warmth, the flood of emotion rushing in,
Far too loud to be ignored.

Had I forgotten?
Had indolence taken hold,
Erasing every vestige of memory
And yet, she laughs & reveals her charms to me again.

What shall I do?
I must act now, immediately
To keep the fires burning,
I dip my pen in ink and begin.

Why has she come now?
What impetuous brings the imp back to me
The nymph, the goddess, the creative force
Fluttering against my chest, reminding.

No matter, for how can I possibly ignore her?
I shall take her hand,
And dance like a child again.
In a place where dreams roam free.

How soft and gentle is this forgotten memory
Somewhere a perfect rose blossoms
In her honor,

And I remember...

The day my muse came back to me.

Good things are coming.... The Library of Light

This is only temporary...good things are coming. ~Phil Hopley

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It's hard to see "temporary" when everything is in front of your face screaming at you. Life is just that...life and this is it. It's what we make of it, this I know... Today, I am grateful for friendship. I'm grateful for the creative energies that surround me on occasion bringing their stories, poetry, dreams to my starved mind. I’m grateful for the time spent, quality time, with friends. I'm grateful for the longing I feel when I think of the people I miss in my life. I'm grateful for the experiences that shape me (I may not like them, but I’m grateful for the lessons I DO learn from them).

But mostly today I'm grateful for the friends I have who fill my soul just by being around me. We are all souls on a journey, and sometimes friends can bring you back to the road you lost sight of. Today, I believe these bad times for me, are just temporary… and indeed good things are coming.

Thank you ALL of my friends (today specifically Mrs. Virgo and Aussie_male)

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A story for you today...This story appears in The Library of Light. It's a new "blog"/site designed to be your source of inspiration. Give it a read; you might like what you see :)

by: Bill Greer, Chicken Soup for the Veteran's Soul


The sun has begun to set and I hang up the smile I've worn all day. Though I will make sure it is the first thing I put back on in the morning because just in case it is 'that day,' I want her to see me at my very best.

I do the normal routine, eat dinner, clean the house, write -- the usual stuff.

And then I lay down hoping to fall asleep quickly so my new day will hurry up and arrive. A new day with a brand new sun.

But as I lay there and wait for the world to turn half way around, I think about her. And sometimes I smile, and sometimes that smile will turn into a snicker, and then often that snicker will turn into a burst of laughter.

And then there are times I get that lump in my throat and that tight feeling in my chest, and sometimes that feeling overwhelms me and begins to turn into a tear, and often that tear multiplies itself and I can no longer fight the feeling and I lose the battle.

Then somehow through either the joy or the sadness I drift and find myself asleep. Then the dreams begin and keep me company until my new day arrives.

When I awake it's with such excitement! Because I tell myself this could be the day that every other day has led up to and the first day of the rest of my life. I quickly dawn my smile, because I do so want her to see me at my very best. Then I look out the window even though I know it's dawn, but I still have to confirm I've been given another chance to find her.

And there it is ... the sun, even when it's cloudy; somehow I still see it. And it smiles at me and I say "thank you" and I smile back.

Then I ask myself, "Is this the day?" And the excitement rushes over me again. And then I ask myself, "Where's it going to be?"

Maybe it'll be at the water fountain and unexpectedly there I'll find her and much more than my thirst will be quenched.

Maybe it'll be at the grocery store, and there she'll appear as I'm picking out fruit and she'll show me the difference between fresh and spoiled. Then from that moment, nothing that I will eat will ever taste the same. Because she'll bring out the simplest beauties in everything I see, taste, smell, hear, or touch.

Or maybe today will be the day when my Angel brings an item up to the cash register without its price tag. And as I wait behind this Angel with all the frustrated people who are in such a hurry about their busy lives, I will find myself with such blessed extra time. Just enough time to start a conversation with this beautiful vision standing behind me that I might not otherwise would have noticed. But because of a "price check on register 5," I was able to find her.

So will today be the day I say, "THANK YOU GOD!" Thank you for the sun, which began my new day. Thank you for granting me the faith when I arose this morning that I would find her in this new day. But most of all, thank you for me not having to ever wait on another sunrise. Because whenever I want to see it, I will look at her and there it shall always be, in her eyes, she will forever hold it for me.

She is my sunrise, my dawn, my new day.

Inspirational Stories

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WELL WISHES

A blessing for you today because in as much as I go through things, I am still blessed... lucky... grateful for you.

May the road rise to meet you.
May the wind be always at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face.
And rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the hollow of His hand.

~Irish Blessing

A little bit of sun.

Sunlight filters through the glass

Radiating outward, reaching

And I the recipient am unaware

The golden strands seek around my heart

The casual traveler,

My journey has been paused

A pebble in my shoe

Stopped my momentum.

Hindsight...perfect in retrospect shines clear

I would have rejected the cloak of despair

So familiar is it to me,

Acceptance was instant.

The glass shard on the road

Where I fell unceremoniously

Glows golden warm

Blinking away the darkness.

Dull reality fades away

Running from awareness

Perhaps this fall wasn't chance

Maybe the pause was reflection.

My remembrance

That light always shines

Warmth always cures

And somehow, by means unknown to me

...everything will be ok
©SKW

Blue or Dark Monday

One of the worst things to go through (barring the obvious health issues, traumatic life changing events, etc) is to be in a job/career you hate. I remember once working at a company years ago... It was the most “horrible” employer I worked for in a long time. I stayed there a year, and went home every night (just about) in tears. Several times I had panic attacks at work. It was so bad.

Before I even go further, let me tell you up until today, this place (the current job) at its worst was never like the one I just mentioned; but today marked a big step in the same direction of “horrible”.
I just hate this job. Hate it, hate it, hate it. It’s the second place in my entire career ever that has made me cry at work. (I think a large part of those tears were hormones, but still… they were tears). Worse still is that given the amount of resumes I had previously sent out to the amount of actual interviews I was called on to do, and of course the resultant zero jobs… well my morale is low I’m having a hard time climbing out of the hole of despair on this front in my life.

This combined with money woes, moving expenses, my perception of being a burden on many people, has led me to a very low point today. It seems that I’m running fast out of options to make things better and despite some very big, very dramatic efforts to make things better as of late; that true to form something will (and does/has) always come up and things will just continue (in many ways) to suck.

It’s been over a year now since I’ve had a post where I just feel like I am lost. I promised myself I would not get to this point at least not publicly in my blog. And I have tried not to get there… even hesitating from posting so that I wouldn’t spread it without restraint. So bear with me, you hear all the good things as of late, and I’ve kept most of my real worries from you… recognize this is the case when you read this and think “But wait, weren’t things just going excellent?” There were and are in some ways and in others… they are not.

As I was saying, I promised myself I wouldn’t get to this point; but today I just can’t make that promise to myself.

It’s hard when you keep getting beat up in life to keep getting up (thank god I don’t have kids and have to do that for them…). And no matter how “small” the things that knock a person down may seem, they may just be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back and you may not even know it.

So today, I’m going to lay low, lick my wounds and try to regroup. Even if that just means sleep. Sometimes, it’s good to do that.

See you all another day when things are better.
Muse