Been a long time eh?

Where to begin. I'm not even sure. Sometimes I feel my life is spiraling out of control. Other times I'm good to go. I haven't the energy to do the radio in forever.... by now folks have likely forgotten the muse at least on air. I was so sick yesterday that I didn't even do anything until at least 5pm. And for the first time ever, Twice now I've spoken the words I wish I would just die. Not since high school have I said those words. Everyday is a struggle with life for me. I dont know if I'm manic, bipolar, or just plain suffering from good old fashioned depression, but something has to give.

I know that being online so much kills me. But I also know that being online is where my friends are. I have very few friends that aren't online. I wouldn't even begin to know what to do with myself if I weren't online. And when I think of all the folks I've met because I've been online it breaks my heart to think of never talking to them or only limted conversation. I look at people my age and wonder how do they do it? And of the folks I've seen, the answer is clear... they're not online.. Or if they are they're not gaming. They're using online for email, surfing for information etc, but I guarantee you they're not using the online world as much as I do. *sigh*

Random I know... more to come later


Random poetry comin atcha


So many times I've wished to die
Using his excuse as my reason
He caused, He did, He made this
he did...but who perpetuates
Tears of azure slip down my cheek
am I really that simple to feel so lost?


(ok so that sucks but it's random what did you expect, cya)