The letters of Hopefulness; Letter 1.

"To live as fully, as completely as possible, to be happy, and again to be happy is the true aim and end of life." ~Llewelyn Powys

~*~
"Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing."  ~ Mother Teresa

~*~*~*~*~*~
(We’ll see how this series goes… ideas, comments, and critiques, are welcome, but realize you can offer advice, but you cannot change the offerings of my heart ;) You can however, give me ways to express it better… I’m always open to improvement.)

Dear Unknown Love,

I’m sitting here at my desk this morning thinking of very few things that I should be thinking of.  The work sits in piles since my absence yesterday, the voice mail light is blinking, and the printer is full of reports it spit out yesterday while I was home sick.  I won’t even address being sick today, I just do not want to deal with that.  

Anyway, at work today I sit in the center of business chaos.  I am like the eye of the storm, calm while chaos abounds.  The whole time aside from thoughts that come and go, I find myself wondering how it is I came to be so lucky so as to meet you.

I’ve spent what seems like an eternity writing about love in all its forms; romantic love, unrealistic love, fairytale love.  I had slowly despite the outer façade of confidence, begun to give up on love for me.  Even now when confronted with it, I wonder as I sit here in the peaceful center of chaos if indeed you are real.  I do not want to coat reality with too much sugar; it’s too easy to see only sweet things in life when you do.  But I do want to be aware everyday of the magic that happens when two people meet and in the blink of an eye things change.  How you can go from one day saying “I’ll see you soon” to the next where “I can’t wait to see you” is the only thing you can say.  What is the trigger?  

I sit here now extremely happy and yet the vortex of emotions continues to swirl about me.  I could write about so many things.  I might even be able to capture the essence of how I feel succinctly enough to appease my own inner critic.  But in the end, I’m left without words, just emotions.  I’ve become the emotional barometer measuring with frightening accuracy the levels of awe, peace, happiness, love.  And I’ve just met you…  

I warned you, I’m very passionate.  I have incredible highs and tremendously deep lows.  The roller coaster of my heart requires gentle patience, firm persistence, and deep understanding to be enjoyed.  I further warned you that I have much baggage.  I can put a long time traveler to shame in the amount of baggage I carry with me every day.  Hopefully the warnings spoken to you at this very early stage give you some indication of the fragility inside me.  Hopefully that fragility doesn’t scare you away.  Hopefully you can see the exotic beauty beneath the surface that is reaching to be brought forth.

Hopefully…

There are so many words to be said...I could go on forever, but perhaps that is my lesson today.  Perhaps I should learn today that time really is on my side and the volumes that the heart speaks don’t always need to be addressed immediately, but rather, enjoyed like a nicely aged wine; Sipped, rather than gulped.  

Or maybe I’m just full of shit and we should just laugh at the ease with which I wax poetic on the table of reality?  Hopefully that brought a smile to your face ;)  It did to mine.

I hope you have a good day and know I’m looking forward to hearing your voice.  Or perhaps seeing your email, or even hearing the chime of your IM.  If I get lucky enough to see you in game perhaps we can go to a place we’ve never been before.  Either way, I’ll just be happy to see you in any form.  You make me smile.

Warmly,
Sue