You are my sunshine... *Special Post*

Jessie: But I like fudge on my ice cream
Muse: I like ice cream, but only coffee flavor or cookie dough
Jessie: I like ice Creammmmm! When I get better the first thing I’m going to do is get a BIG bowl of ice cream!
Muse: I like your enthusiasm :P
Muse: I like you *wink*
Jessie: yea, well I Love you Cal!!!
(Conversation in Yahoo Instant Messenger 1-04)

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The above snippet was from a conversation I had with Jessie many years ago. I feel like such a jerk right now. Sitting here 6 days after the annual day of her passing and for the first time in now three years, I have missed the date. My only consolation comes from the fact that while I missed the day, I was living my life and that is something I know Jessie would want.

Despite her passing, her soul’s imprint remains firmly etched in mine. She still to this day affects me and I believe she always will.

In a conversation with Seraxa today we spoke of how things happen for a reason. Back when Jessie passed I couldn’t find a reason for such a beautiful soul to have suffered so. I couldn’t understand the forces in life/universe/heaven that would put us two together (even though I’m eternally grateful).

But I understand now. Her presence in my life strengthened me. It made me aware of so many things. It made me want to be more than I thought I was which at the time I thought was pretty good. I was wrong, I could have been so much better and she showed me that. She also strengthened me for my own battle (or brush) with cancer.

I think that Jessie is happy right now. In fact I know she’s happy just being out of pain, and able to watch over us all. But I think she’s standing next to me. Telling me, it’s ok that I’m late in posting; that the fact that I’m living my life is more a testament to her life now, than watching a clock to remember her in sadness.

So today I celebrate her in memory and in my heart. I offer her a banquet of love’s roses, of life’s joys, of happiness’s sweet serenity.

And I celebrate her love “Al” as he is known. For showing me every time I speak with him just how real, true love can be. She is always in our hearts but most especially yours Al…

Everyday I remember you…And today, I celebrate you as well. My angel, Jessie.

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Jessie's Candle

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