Delusions

Ok so we all have this image we like to think we portray. Some of us actually do portray what we think we are, some of us don’t but WISH we could. That's ok too because it spurs us to do better, be better, try harder. Then there's the group who don't portray but live deluded thinking we actually do. Now these people have it hard, because they're the ones who will twist little happenings to make it seem that what they portray is real. I feel sorry for these people.

I know someone who thinks that other think they're very good at a certain thing (name withheld for obvious reasons folks). In fact it's all they talk about to me on the phone even. Over and over and over again I hear "they know who I am, they fear me, they know I'm good". I've even seen this person say in general public or in groups of specific people, "I am so and so" and this person actually expects these people to know of them. Not only that, but to also acknowledge their greatness?!

The thing that sucks the most about this, is that people while nice, civil and sometimes courteous when on the same side... Really do NOT have the impression of this person that they think or wish others did. As a matter of fact, while the person I know thinks they do sooo good, the other people I'm with at the time waste no time saying "they suck".

Self awareness, admittance of one's talents even in the face of others who may not think you're talented, is good. But to take it to delusional status is bad. It's to the point where I don’t want to talk to this person because all they think is they have this reputation, and they're "known" when they Maybe be known, but it's not for how they think it is. It's quite the opposite. People think this person is a joke, and is not good at what they claim to be. It puts me in a bad spot.

As far as I'm concerned I try to have humility at all times. Probably to my downfall even. But last night I got some validation that gave me a swell of pride. Someone I fight with (PVP in WoW) that I always have a hard time with. You know, the kind where you groan when you see them in your game queue? Well every time they're in game I always thought they hated me. I found out from them last night that not only do they not hate me, but they have respect for me and ENJOY fighting against me because they know I'm good. This is what THEY say to me, without any pre-empting from me. In other words
I didn’t ask for the compliment, it was given without need to be given. That makes me feel good.

I suck at fighting. I’m sooooooooo highly competitive. My fingers get like ice blocks and my face gets all hot when I pvp…. And that’s in a good match. GOD FORBID it be a bad match. During PVP is one of the few times I cannot control my mouth and I spill forth curses openly and loudly . It’s a nasty habit of mine and when I do it, I always want to never pvp again if only to avoid looking like a. a sore loser or b. a potty mouth. I work everyday to get that under control.
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Today is payday and it can’t come any quicker. I think I drove to work on fumes today . I need food in my house, gas in my car (immediately) and a whole host of bills paid lol.

I’m sooo tired today. I have started Book 4 of the Harry Potter series. And I stayed up until 1:30 to read some of it. It’s the first book in the series that I haven’t seen a movie for already. I’m looking forward to reading this before the movie comes out and then catching up with the rest of the world and reading through the new book.

Well not much else for now. Cronie is in the office now, and while I’ve no doubt she’s busy (it IS payday after all) she does seem to enjoy singling me out for thing. I suppose I shouldn’t give her anything to single me out for eh?

Random Poetry coming atcha...
I'm tired I can't write poetry now :P