Boredom breeds philosophy... Watch out!

So I sit here today at work, horribly bored.  I have a few items on my plate today but nothing big nor time consuming.  I’m listening to people behind me talk and I’m wondering what I’m doing with my life.  It seems to come down to this all the time you know?  Sometimes I feel like I need to wake up.  But I don’t know what I’d wake up to so I go back to sleep you know?  Lol  

Ok that’s enough philosophy today.  

Tuesday is just like any other day but it’s a day of firsts traditionally for me.  On a Tuesday in November of 2001 I quit smoking.  I don’t know how I did it, but I did.  Surprisingly I’m still not smoking.  You want to know my reason for quitting smoking?  It’s a laugh really.  Nothing as grand as

“I should quit smoking because I have a heart condition”

Or

“I should quit smoking because it will KILL me”

No, not for me.  I quit smoking because of two things.  I couldn’t sing as well as I used to and I was wheezing at night.  * laughs * .  Can you believe that?  I remember how I quit to though I don’t know why it worked.  I remember for a week beforehand I spoke an affirmation that I had seen on a stack of “Goddess Cards” that I had purchased.  It said simply “My Willpower is greater than that of my bad habits”.  I said that every chance I thought of it, even while I smoked on my breaks.  Sometimes I said it quietly, sometimes softly out loud and I laughed at myself when I did it.   I also took a multi vitamin everyday and a couple of Herbal supplements (St. John’s Wort, Ginko etc).  And at night I took a melatonin at about 9pm every night and went to bed by 11 every night.  In the mornings I read a card a day and wrote down each thing though I don’t know if they applied to me or not in my endeavor.  I still have them.  Then on Tuesday, the day I was scheduled to quit I was so eager, I quit 6 hours earlier than planned.  

I had a fit of crying one night where I was a raving bitch lol.  But that’s all.  It lasted maybe two hours.  It felt to me then, as if I were a NON smoker, dreaming about having a desire to smoke.  Weird eh?  I’ve always had a goal to quit smoking by the time I was 32.  I quit when I was 30.

I’ve not once since then had the same conviction or ambition to succeed at something even though I have the wishes and desire for me to do things.  What on earth gave me this conviction?  I mean I even devised a regimen designed to help me…  I need that conviction now.  

I’ve started today with the affirmation again.  While I don’t need the melatonin at this time (I go to bed now by 10pm usually) I’m going to start the vitamins again.  I don’t FEEL the conviction in me.  I hope that by going through the motions I will get to that point again.  

I hope so.