Abundance of Love through Self Love; A lesson that repeats for me.

Images from KamioKappa's Xanga (thanks kami!)

"Alas for those that never sing, but die with all their music in them!" ~Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Today's Affirmation
My spirit rejoices as I sing the song of my life.
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Seven blunders of the world that lead to violence: wealth without work, pleasure without conscience, knowledge without character, commerce without morality, science without humanity, worship without sacrifice, politics without principle. --Mahatma Gandhi

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Good morning everyone :)

Yesterday’s visit to the doctor was well… not so good, but not terrible either. The GOOD news from the visit is I lost 8 pounds YAY!. The bad news is that I have an infection in my incision tracking upwards into me. This means more cleaning, deeper packing and more pain every time it’s touched. The doctor also indicated that my return to work would not be until December, at LEAST. This is bad news as I had hoped to return to work on November 27th. I will have officially been off by then for 7 weeks, but my appointment with the doctor is then. Hopefully December 1st or the 3rd will be my return. This will be the first month in which I have no back up plan for financial security. So please, keep your fingers crossed for this return to work.

My mother and I were discussing what would have happened in this same scenario if she hadn’t been around to take care of me. The results would have been bleak. She is my only source of support in a lot of ways. This came up as we talked about death in general (a topic I normally like to avoid because I lost so many people in my life that hearing of death, or even a long term disease like diabetes kicks my defense mechanisms in and I literally can’t “hear” anything being said).

I’ve been so consumed lately by wanting a partner. This sense of need has been heightened lately by this incident in my life, my cancer (among other things). But this conversation yesterday with my mother only fanned the flames of that burning fire, and made it into a bonfire. I spent all day yesterday holding onto the emotions from that one single discussion. That discussion shaped my entire day. I alternated between fear of being alone for the rest of my life and the absolute desperate urge to run out and find someone.

To some of the more well adjusted I can understand how this seems like nonsense, trust me. But last night, I surprised myself. Instead of fueling the fire with more kerosene & tears from my wounded heart, I went to bed. I went to bed and slept until 9am this morning (no nightmares!). Then when I woke up instead of turning on the computer first thing, I opened up one of my favorite books by Don Miguel Ruiz, called The Mastery of Love. And for the first time in a long time without a negative side effect, the fires of lonliness were quenched by knowledge. Understanding was imparted into my heart and even though I’d read these words at least once before they sank in deep and I could relax.

I’ll relay the piece that had particular meaning for me in a moment, but what I want to state is that I know I am worthy of love. I know I’m loveable. My failed relationships in the past do not rob me of that knowledge. What drives this “need” for love is my childhood, because I assimilate love to be security and I didn’t have security as a child. So hard as it is to reflect on that and stand in front of the mirror eyeing myself and trying to open my heart again despite my insecure environment as of late, I will do it. Just like I walk each day now I started off slow just to get started. I will start with a few seconds or a minute, and remind myself that love is shared, that security is created, while love is part of the soul…and that I WILL have it someday in my life.

In this chapter he talks about having a magical kitchen, an abundance of love that starts with self-love. The lesson I got from this for me today is the abundance of “SELF LOVE”. I have plenty of love to give to anyone who needs it, but I’ve been selfish with love to myself. It is a lesson that constantly repeats for me, because I’m still just “trying” to learn and digest it. Maybe today I’ll make this lesson my own :)

Excerpted from: The Magical Kitchen; Chapter 6 of The Mastery Of Love – Don Miguel Ruiz

People close their hearts so tightly. They are starving for love, not
knowing that the heart is a magical kitchen. YOUR heart is a magical kitchen. Open your heart. Open your magical kitchen, and refuse to
walk around begging for love. In your heart is all the love you
need. Your heart can create any amount of love, not just for yourself, but for the whole world. You can give your love with no condition; you can be generous with your love because you have a magical kitchen in your heart. Then all those starving people who believe the heart is closed will always want to be near you for your love.

What makes you happy is love coming out of you. And if you are generous with your love, everyone is going to love you. You are never going to be alone if you are generous. If you are selfish, you are always going to be alone, and there is no one to blame but you. Your generosity will open all the doors, not your selfishness.

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DAILY INSPIRATION

Making Life Yours
Perception

There is no secret recipe for happiness and contentment. The individuals who move through life joyously have not necessarily been blessed with lives of abundance, love, success, and prosperity. Such people have, however, been blessed with the ability to take the circumstances they've been handed and make them into something great. Our individual realities are colored by perception-delight and despair come from within rather than without. Situations we regard as fortuitous please us while situations we judge inauspicious cause us no end of grief. Yet if we can look at all we have accomplished without dwelling on our perceived misfortune and make each new circumstance our own, the world as a whole becomes a brighter place. A simple shift in attitude can help us recognize and unearth the hidden potential for personal and outer world fulfillment in every event, every relationship, every duty, and every setback.

The universe is often an unpredictable and chaotic place, and the human tendency is to focus on the negative and assume the positive will care for itself. But life can be no more or no less than what you make of it. If you are working in a job you dislike, you can concentrate on the positive aspects of the position and approach your work with gusto. What can you do with this job that can turn it around so you do love it. When faced with the prospect of undertaking a task you fear, you can view it as an opportunity to discover what you are truly capable of doing. Similarly, unexpected events, when viewed as surprises, can add flavor to your existence. By choosing to love life no matter what crosses your path, you can create an atmosphere of jubilance that is wonderfully infectious. A change in perspective is all it takes to change your world, but you must be willing to adopt an optimistic, hopeful mind-set.

To make a conscious decision to be happy is not enough. You must learn to observe life's complexities through the eyes of a child seeing everything for the first time. You must furthermore divest yourself of preconceived notions of what is good and what is bad so that you can appreciate the rich insights concealed in each stage of your life's journey. And you must strive to discover the dual joys of wanting what you have. As you gradually shift your perspective, your existence will be imbued with happiness and contentment that will remain with you forever.

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WELL WISHES

Today I wish for you all to have love and to be able to GIVE love too (might I suggest, giving someone a hug today? A hug that you REALLY feel? That helps me ;).

I wish for you to have conscious positivity, and abundant happiness. We are all deserving of these things and to my very special friends who come here and read, who talk to me, who love me, who support me, and pray for me; you deserve it especially. As Mrs. Virgo says “Make it a great day”.

You are a blessing to me everyday :)

XO

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AND REMEMBER

Life is like dancing. If we have a big floor, many people will dance. Some will get angry when the rhythm changes. But life is changing all the time. ~Don Miguel Ruiz