My first writing in the series in a very long long time, written by request as a testament to my feelings... Enjoy.
Love Letters From Heaven - Chapter 30; The Masquerade Lingers
Love Letters From Heaven - Chapter 30; The Masquerade Lingers
“To be fond of dancing is a certain step towards falling in love.”
~Jane Austin
My love,
As I sit in the study today, the sunlight seeps in through the curtains finding its way around me. It bathes me in softest light almost like a dream light providing a sense of the past, and resurfacing a memory of the night of the ball… My thoughts cannot help but drift there love. That night is such a poignant reminder of us. That night, like our love holds a perfect sense of mystery, sensuality, gracefulness, and elegance. I can’t quite forget the feeling of that night because what was a simple formal affair for me, became a magical encounter forever transforming me...because that is when I met you.
Realizing any thought toward any other activity is pointless I sit back in the inviting cushions of the chair in which I write. The cherry wood frame adorned with soft cushions embraces me now as I walk unfettered through my dreamscape and the memories in my mind…
Faint strains of music; sweet violins, sad pianos, and deep cellos accompany the tinkle of the silverware as servers offer spirits and sweets. Satin ruffles sweep the floor in the brightest shades of green, teal and blue… the elegant colors of the peacock in its brilliant form. Dancers glide across the wooden dance floor laid just for them. The lighting, soft, is provided by hand made chandeliers holding marvelous candles high above the floor. The tables themselves are covered in white velvet and polished silver with cream colored fine bone china. Each table holds a magnificent slender glass vase brimming with lush roses in deep shades of red. So heavy was the arrangement that the roses and baby’s breath made a waterfall of natures beauty as it showered down towards the table in elegant splendor.
It was all new, of course, even down to the china, it was all new. It was all laid out for only the chosen few of society. I can’t quite allow myself to breathe in relaxation wondering how I could have been chosen to be in this dream, this fantasy environment of delights to the senses. Standing in a darkened corner alone with my thoughts, embraced by my awkward shyness, I straighten for the thousandth time my gown of red. It was specially made. My wages from teaching had provided me with just enough to cover the expert workings of a seamstress in town. She is called “the weaver of magic” and I can see why. In this dress, I am at once a queen of a majestic court and a pauper playing dress up in a fantasy. But it is my heart that in this velvet and satin is allowed to shine. Outwardly I am everything that one would desire; inwardly I am a little less confident. The dress of white satin at the top glistened with the sparkle of a hundred pieces of stars… Red velvet lines the plunging neckline revealing creamy skin. The necklace I wear has been in my family for generations, and is one of the real pieces of beauty I own. Encased in silver, a ruby red heart rests above the very real pounding of my own heart. The bottom of the gown lowers itself to the floor in sweeping graceful waves of red velvet. The back of the dress is a latticework design leaving something to the imagination even as much as it reveals to the eye… And for once my long brown hair had been carefully pinned and tucked under a crown of red roses placed delicately on my head. Tonight’s affair was one of a masquerade. It was to be the epitome of decadence. A cavorting if you will, of free spirits not hindered by the face of their normal day… The mask I’ve chosen tonight with care is one of fine porcelain. I wear only a mask of simplicity covering the truth of the real me… for there in my real face lies all my mystery.
Couples stroll in arm in arm, the men in top hats and tails and the women in extravagant silks and satins. Sweeping gracefully across the floor hands outstretched as they are greeted, their smiles and laughter abound. Taking the scene in all at once, I realize that I still stand alone. Reflecting back to the words of the tailor on that final fitting, I smile lightly. She winks at me as she finishes the satin piping on my dress and speaks offering advice. Her words are light, almost sing song in a fashion sounding more like an enchantment rather than advice:
Voici mon secret. Il est très simple : on ne voit bien qu'avec le coeur. L'essentiel est invisible pour les yeux
I look at her curiously. “What did you say?” She stands with some difficulty and I reach a hand to her to help her and she smiles at me and says:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye
“Go child, immerse yourself in magic”. She shoos me away and so it was that I left, the dress carefully held in my arms.
Loud laughter brings me back to the present and I shake my head gazing out among the crowd of masked people. The air hangs with a sense of premonition, and it is then that I am drawn to you my love. My eyes catch sight of a figure bathed in the shadows of the emerging night as he enters the room across the way. With a flourish his coat is removed and immediately carried off by those rushing to be of service. No hat adorns this head, but a hand reaches up to brush the lightly falling snow out of it. My eyes roam and the first I see is a porcelain mask covering both eyes, and half of the face. So similar to my simple mask of choice, but this one reveals lips, and your jaw… I cannot help but stare my eyes drinking in the black suit covering the deep red satin tie tucked beneath. Quietly I breathe the words “Similar… in every way”.
The crowd gathers in numbers to the floor and music begins ushering in the nights dancing. Losing sight of you I sigh and move towards the corner of the dance floor. Straining and trying to not show my efforts, I seek around the heads of the dancers but gain no sight of you. Stepping back I lower my eyes ashamed at my efforts and yet wanting to see you again if even for a second.
A gentle hand presses against my bare elbow, fingers pressing into my skin firmly guiding me to the dance floor. I look up startled into your eyes beneath the porcelain mask. My face flushes with embarrassment but I am led to the middle of the dance floor the other dancers as If by magic moving out of our way. Turning your embrace feels like quiet completion as you encircle my waist with your arm and your hand grips mine. The hand is cool not damp, no sign of nervousness unlike the dryness in my throat forbidding any words. Looking away momentarily I inhale the scent of you and gaze back into your deep brown eyes and I realize that they have never once have they left mine. The music changes tempo and the dance becomes one of closeness as the world around us fades away. Your lips slightly part as you breathe leaning towards my ear. I close my eyes and allow your voice to wash over my parched senses…
“I have never seen a rose of rarer beauty than I have seen this very night”.
I fear I won’t be able to stand as your words seduce me, but your embrace holds me tight. Wishing for you to continue and alternately knowing you’ve said everything in that one short sentence I stand quiet in our dance of love.
My mind tumbles over the impossible situation in which we find ourselves. In love? My voice speaks in concern but my heart pushes that demon away almost smiling…in love… yes.
Your lips brush against my ear as you press your body to mine and pull me closer dancing, twirling, and gliding around the dance floor that now holds just us. By a sheer act of willpower I keep my eyes open to see all that the spell of magic holds for me. I am lost, adrift in the luxury your embrace affords me. I sail among the calm seas of bliss in your gaze and realize that I have never felt love like this. It dawns on me then, that nothing else matters but you and I. Nothing…
Throughout the night we dance, never ceasing. Mindful only occasionally of the people standing on the sidelines smiling at the glowing light of love that they share space with. Whispers abound, but we neither see nor hear them. Sitting only occasionally, speaking in soft tones constantly our words find each others ears and hearts with the ease of a navigator crossing lands previously charted. We approach the dawn of a love we’ve never known with much zeal embracing all the emotions we feel, passion, love, desire, permanence. We engulf ourselves together in the emerald dream where love sits by always ready to be had, for those who would ask of it and fear not crossing the bridge into heaven
Only as a dream does, it lasts forever and yet in a blink is over without a second glance and soon the morning light is on us. Streaking through the windows I wonder how something so beautiful can be so harsh in that it signifies our time together must end.
Still locked in the close embrace that we have grown so comfortable in, your eyes penetrate my soul. A deep sadness that I had not seen before resides in you revealing itself only now to me. I smile cautiously and speak “What is it my love?” You lean your head so close to me that even our lips nearly brush each other as you speak. My breath hitches in my chest as your words fall from your lips. Immediately my eyes blink back tears hearing the truth of which you speak.
“I cannot stay my love”.
Your arms wrap themselves around me as the first of a silver tear slips quietly from my eye. Breathing heavily my words a mere whisper…
“Why?” I pause a moment more before continuing “Please stay here with me. Stay and we’ll learn of our purpose in life together.”
Pleading with my eyes, begging with my voice, crying with my heart I continue as you sigh deeply and hold me close in an embrace. Gently you place a finger over my lips quieting my persistence.
“Life takes us in different directions my love. I cannot choose to stay here now to do so would be to partake of something that isn’t ready for us yet.”
Further quieting me as my urge to respond back begins…you hush me again breathing your words to me.
“I will know love, that you exist. And I will return to you in one form or another.” Your lips find my cheek dampened with free flowing tears. Kissing me you speak the words that my heart now has memorized entirely.
“And I will love you as you love me when the time is right. For no one knows the future, but the present path is my journey preset and I am it’s fool, going through its motions unable to stop and change direction.”
I looked up at you unable to speak for the vise had squeezed so tightly around my heart that nothing functioned. No sound is uttered but the words are mouthed perfectly, clearly…
“I love you”
Looking back now, I’ll never forget how the people that were still at the dance that night, sort of faded back into my reality. It was almost as if the night had been a secret chamber in my heart and only those of pure love could be allowed in. Now, the magic of the spell of love had opened my heart, and served it’s purpose depositing its permanence into my soul. Disappearing into the night almost as swiftly as you had arrived, I watched your shadow depart while my hands clutched the rose you had given me, its thorns pricking into my skin...
The kettle of water I had been brewing screams at me now back in this house of love, in the present, and it jars me from my memory. I wipe the tears that have slipped down my face away but, even in my sadness I do not wish you to feel sad should you ever see this carefully crafted testament of my love. This, like so many other expressions of love is a piece of my soul. It must be written even to the person that chooses not to share it with me. It must be so others know it exists. For it is only in loves deep sadness that we know of its capability of being the brightest light.
Alone, I will go on in this house of love, but my heart will know that once in my life it gleaned the purpose of itself. I know that in one magical night, I had loved with the special kind of love so few see. Our love burned quickly, brightly like the stars in the heavens. It was shared, expressed, and known. Although I’m sad that your choice did not lead you to me, I have hope that our hearts will seek each other again. If, they do not… then I know at least that true love exists. For that my love, I thank you… and I love you.
Always,
Your Muse
No comments:
Post a Comment