Day One & HAPPY BIRTHDAY TONY!!!!!

Self Care Cards:
Listening: Listen to your wise self; Let your inner compass direct the course of your life.

Silence: Rest your mind; Silence is good self-care.

Dance: Step into the light; Share your gifts and talents with the world.

Goddess Cards:
Goddess of Illumination: “I learn from mistakes and grow wise and strong.” Use this gift when angry with yourself or other people for having made what you consider to be a mistake.  Expectations are often unreasonable, especially the expectation that you can go through life without making mistakes of having to deal with the mistakes of others.  Successful people know that mistakes are valuable learning experiences.

Goddess of Truth: “I make my highest ideals real by my actions.”  Use this gift when you notice that you or someone else is not living up to the standards you have set.  Forgive them and yourself for this and appreciate the fact that you noticed.  We must be agents of the changes we want to see happen in the world.  Realize the truth of the old saying.  “A good example is the best sermon.”

Goddess of Courage: “I invent creative solutions to the challenges in my life.” Use this gift when you are confronted with a situation that seems impossible to deal with.  Sometimes it is better to study a problem until you understand it well and then put it out of your mind for a while.  Many scientists and mathematicians have reported that their inventions and creative solutions came to them in a dream or in the reverie of a daydream.

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Ok so I realize this is a lot to take in today, but it’s funny I found my journal from when I quit smoking.  Taking it, and several things with me to work today that I used when I quit smoking seemed a fitting thing to do.  It was interesting to read the thoughts and things that continually came up when I was going through the process of quitting.  Very interesting indeed.

The above mentioned cards are part (sort of) of the decks of cards I used when I would take 15 minutes before work everyday back in 2001.  When I quit smoking I was so ready (even if I didn’t think I was).  I think today I’m ready for the other things I must do (as referenced in my earlier post).

But now before I begin, I need something from you readers.  I need you to comment.  I mean ALL of you that actually give a damn about what I’m doing in my life.  I know many read and a few post but I need to know that what you read in here will be accepted and that you will support me.  This blog for the first time since 2004 when it was created will (hopefully) serve a bigger purpose than just a place for my rants.  It will be the place I show you folks my awakenings (  But because of this it will be highly personal.  I will deal with the fact that anyone “Could” stumble across it and read it, and I’m ok with that because they don’t know me.  But YOU dear reader, do.  So I need to know that you are ok with my deepest fears, thoughts, and struggles.  So please respond.  Let me know you’re out there and supporting me.

Now onto the funny thought of the day.  I hadn’t realized that because I’m so used to typing now, just HOW bad my handwriting sucks!  I mean really!  It’s awful lol.  I had to write out the above things in my journal (because that’s all personal for me ;) )  and by the time I was done my hand was cramping! And my writing looked like that of a doctors! Lol.  I need to practice some :D

Crony was nice to me today.  I think she must have had a good weekend.  She even offered me some breakfast.  And she laughed with me on something, I mean WOW.  

I don’t remember my dreams last night, but I do remember that I dreamt.  I hate when I don’t remember them.  I dream so infrequently anymore (at least that I remember).  When I do dream I like to write them down even in parts.  I found my dream journal the other day and all I can say is WOW! lol I had some strange ass dreams!

I woke up with a sinus headache today *yuck*.  But I was able to get rid of it, and get functioning today.  Thank you to Dana for the Ibuprofen that I took this morning to help keep the headache away!

I also started my vitamin program again today.  I’ll need to buy some more things soon so pray I get the money to do so in this upcoming check… For those of you that are interested, I do the following.

At night (every other day or so) I take an herbal supplement to help me get tired earlier so I’m not up so late.

Every morning I take herbal St. John’s Wort to make sure I’m not a crabby ass bitch while I eat less and force myself to do things I am not used to doing :P

I also take everyday either a Vitamin C supplement or a one a day vitamin geared towards weight loss.  I alternate these because quite frankly I’m low on both and I can extend them by using them wisely (


That’s the vitamin arrangement for now.  Sometimes I add specific herbs/vitamins as needed.  (I did study homeopathic remedies so I assure you I’m safe).  Also, while at home, I will (hopefully) take the time required to fill and turn on my fountains as well as set some aromatherapy oil burning, light some sage and get rid of negativity that has found its way to me.  Last but not least,  (and pray for me on this one lol) I go for a walk everyday.

That’s the plan in motion and more often than not, I know I will fail.  I’ve become used to doing what I want, when I want it, and have lost some discipline.  I’m hoping that the clear mind in the morning, enough sleep and better health will allow me to see clearer so I do what I know I need to do.

For those of you who have known me a long time, you know I have incredible strength.  For those of you who have known me only a short time you’ve only seen the depression.  That will still exist; I think I will always struggle with that given my past etc.  But hopefully you’ll get to see the person I really am, the one you only just get a glimmer of now.  

Hope springs eternal…