Yet it is in our idleness, in our dreams, that the submerged truth sometimes comes to the top. ~Virginia Woolf
~*~*~*~*~*~
Dreams can be wonderful yes? Sometimes they can be scary too.
I’ve been plagued all week long with the inner workings of my fears as represented to me in dreams. It’s my minds way of working out what it is I can’t work out in my waking time. I can pinpoint exactly where these dreams come from, what fears they stem from… Can you?
In an area that has recently seen horrible flooding and tidal wave action that continues, families desperate to find some dry areas seeks comfort in a house that is on a hill and therefore dry. The family gets inside but as soon as my hand touches the doorknob a tidal wave comes tugging at me pulling me away from the door. I hold on tight, people try desperately to reach me but in the end the water slips between my hands wrenching me away from the door swiftly pulling me away to my watery death of which I can feel every moment until there is nothing but darkness.
I wont even mention the one about fire. It’s just too horrible.
Then there are the dreams of being alone…of dying, not horribly per se, but dying alone. Those are always fun. Then there is last night’s dream that is more like a repeat of history but coupled with the fact that I have cancer. That dream is of hearing my heartbreak over and over again tearing everything I knew down and replacing it with nothing but uncertainty.
It’s to the point where I’m afraid to sleep now. I’ve never been one to dream all that much, but this past week my mind has been on overdrive. And I feel as if my body knows what I’m about to do 5 days from now, because it is screaming at me not to. All the inner workings inside me have suddenly found their voice and are making a hell of a ruckus about the injustice of it all and demanding they stay put.
It’s been on hell of a week thus far, and I’m all out of wine …
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2 comments:
LadyM, I know it's terrifying, surgery is very frightening. Try to think of it this way, soon all that symbolizes what you fear will be taken out of your body. You will start fresh and new. When you go in, try to remain positive with the nurses, thank them for being so kind, for taking care of you. Know that the doctors are there to help you heal. Although it's a scary setting, you will come out transformed.
On a practical note, hospitals can be quite cold and waiting to go in the surgery room can be long. Take a favourite blanket with you to keep you warm and make you feel loved.
Suzie's advice is perfect.
Muse, can I tell you my favorite things about hospitals? Warm blankets from the warmer (nothing better) and good, crunchy ice. Plus all the pillows you want in a bed that is adjustable.
Give me some time and I'll come up with some more. :)
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