TGIF-Anyone have any happy pills? Vitamins make me feel healthy, but not happy...

I couldn’t pull any cards today.  I got to work late as it was (Damn having to act like a girl and put makeup on and such…) and when I got here S was in before me, which is bad because I was 15 minutes late and didn’t call in.  Crony arrived about 3 minutes after me and then C came in too so as of right now 7:40am, everyone is in *sigh*.  

*****
It’s now 8:30am.  I actually had work to do :P wow

*****

I was really stupid the other night.  I have to remember I’m not 24 anymore.  I bought 4 bags of groceries and instead of making two trips to the car, because it was late I made one trip and put myself in a bad state.  It took me a few hours to breathe normally and even after that my chest was burning.  I wonder if I have asthma?  I really need a physical.  I’ll have to look into that.

*****
Well today work wants to go to lunch to celebrate a few things.  Crony’s birthday is Saturday (how convenient they forgot mine, but they remember everyone else’s…), and they want to celebrate Digital Soup Online being published.  I think that’s cool that they’re thinking of me, but I get the sense that they did it only because they think I’d be mad if they didn’t.  I don’t want them to do it for that reason.  I would rather they all buy a copy and further the effort of the book.  

Speaking of that so far we’ve sold a total of 18 copies.  Not a lot I know, but that means the donation will be better than my minimum.  I should be happy for that right?  I just wish it were more.  I think I was kind of deluded about the whole thing.  I wanted SO BAD for folks to read Jessie’s message and be touched by it.  But I have to remember that everyday people are doing things just like this and they hardly even get noticed.  The more people that do them, the more people will get notice, but for now people mostly, are oblivious.  It’s sad.

I made Al happy I know that.  I made a few people happy, they’ve told me so.  I’ll be able to make a donation in Jessie’s memory so that makes me happy.  

*****
I have some doubts lately as to what I’m doing online.  I know that’s phrased badly, let me try to explain.  For three years now I’ve put aside real life in favor of the online world of reclusion.  We all know this will change at some point, but initially I thought it would change because I’d finally wake up.  Now, I’m thinking that it will change because I’m waking up, but the wake up call isn’t me looking at life and seeing what I’m missing.  

**Edited** I’m not going to elaborate on this further

*****
I’ve been taking vitamins again and they seem to be doing really well for me (as they usually do).  I even feel like I can do a bit more than I used to.  This whole week has been busy for me in that I’ve had plans everyday this week.  Tonight I’ll be home and cleaning as at 8am tomorrow the installer is coming.  Then Sunday, I have to go to my moms for more computer 101 for her.  At some point I have to clean off my old computer (which simply means switching my monitor to the old machine for a bit) to clean off my files because I’m giving her that tower.  And then next week at some point I have to go over there and install her DSL for her.  

I really dislike being at her house.  Not because I don’t love her or anything, but because she smokes.  She doesn’t light up in front of me, but she smokes in her house and when I get there it’s just awful.  I leave there all the time with cravings again *frown*.  When D and M used to smoke in their house after I had quit, I had to just stop going over there to avoid the cravings.  I’m afraid soon I’ll have to do the same with mom.  She says she’s tired of having to come over to my house; well I’m tired of sitting around smoke when I go to her place.  There has to be a compromise other than the alternative of fighting (which usually happens when I ask her to not smoke around me).  

*****
Well people have been asking me how I’m doing on my plan.  I’m failing miserably.  I’m trying and I’ll keep trying but I have NO discipline anymore.  Sigh.  It’s a work in progress.  Thanks for asking though it’s nice to know people are thinking about me.

*****
Well Wishes for the day:

Kami: I’m thinking about you and hoping you have a good day hon
Beth:  Stay strong no matter what.  I’ll keep sending you strength and peace
Dana: Thank you for the awesome night the other night.  Sending you love and peace today
Kyle: Thank you for the test on 8th grade math (which I failed thank you! :P) I always did suck at math, but regardless I’m sending you happy thoughts today too *smiles*
Mr. Quiet Strength: even though we’ve not spoken for a few days, I’m thinking of you and your decisions and hoping the choices come easy
Mr. Uber: I’m glad you’re feeling better and I will continue to send you good thoughts on health
Aussie_Male: I send you wishes for a safe journey home when you do head there.
Tony: I send you wishes for a good day devoid of Mr. Holy Roller
Cray: Thank you for the very funny post on “Fag Hags”, today I send you thoughts of happiness, and joy.  We’ll catch up soon.
Stefon: It’s always nice to just “be” around someone who is a friend.  Thank you for that the other day.  Sorry for my negativity, perhaps that will change soon when my metamorphous becomes more than just idle chat *smiles*.  Today though, I send you thoughts of friendship
Al: I send you love today and warm thoughts of peace
Mom: Sending you love and hope that you’ll find the strength to quit poisoning your body.  
Me: I send myself love today because I desperately need it.
Mr. Serenader: Even though we don’t speak anymore I still find my thoughts stray to you and so I send you peace today.

*****
Random Poetry

Still no inspiration… hopefully something soon