This is your life, are you who you want to be…

These words keep going through my head.  I posted a request on CHICwit, telling people of my skills and seeing if anyone had any opportunities.  I’ve received a few responses.  I was excited, to the point of feeling some hope even as I felt trepidation (a higher position means less online time).  But the point is I felt hope.  

I just now was in the bathroom putting my hair in some clips (its soooo damn long now lol) and I sat at my desk pondering how good it might feel to try and be … well … different than I am now.  That’s when it hit me like a Mack truck.  Reality…

See it’s not that I can’t get a job, because I lack skill.  It’s not even that the market is too bad (even as slow as it is, I’ve never had a problem finding work).  My immediate problem that has BEEN my problem since 1999, is my weight.  Then in 2003 couple that with depression.  I never had a problem getting an interview.  I was a powerhouse in my interviews.  I know all the right things to do, say, be. Etc.  However, in 2003 I stopped getting interviews.  Then I just stopped looking with the exception of the few times I tried.

Everyone bases things on appearance, even if they try not to..  even if they’re successful at not judging.  At some point the demon of conformity creeps into their minds, even if they push it away.  Employers are no different.  They are in fact, worse.  They have a business to run.  So the bottom line is what they focus on.  There is no room for “hey look at me, I work well” if they see you’re overweight.  Overweight to them, means higher insurance premiums, and less face to face customer interaction.  And in customer service of a higher position than just answer phones or telemarketing…appearance is everything.  

So as I felt elated, now I feel defeated.  * sigh *

I won’t judge these people who requested resumes.  I will give them one… but I won’t hold my breath.  We’ll see

SO much more I could type about my weekend.  I’ll have to do it later…