The past is alive and well...

Date:    Fri, 12 Nov 2004
From:    CHICwit
Subject: A love story

From: “A friend”

I can't believe how HELPFUL everyone was with my request about classmates.com. I hope everyone received my thank you. I actually want to share the story with everyone in case someone can help me.

My guy friend is actually looking for someone he dated in high school.  The short story is that they had a great relationship, but he chose someone else and he has lived to regret it. BELIEVE ME. Anyway, he has realized that he was a big jerk and wants to find her to at least get the chance to tell her that she was the best thing that ever happened to him. If he had stayed with her his life would have been better and happier.   He knows this without a doubt. Even if she wants to spit in his face he wants her to know that he has been miserable since and that he always thinks about her. He hopes she is happy and wishes her the best.

Her name is SW and she went to Bishop Noll in Hammond, IN. She graduated in 1989 and he got some tips but nothing has panned out. The latest one is that he can find her through the Bishop Noll Alumni Directory. So my next question is there any Bishop Noll graduates that belong to the alumni directory? Please e-mail me.

Thank you,
“A friend”

*****
This is the letter that was part of a fairy tale.  My friend had finally convinced me to join Chicwit, the Chicago networking mailing list of over 7,000 business woman, entrepreneurs, etc.  After a month of trying, on November 12th, my registration became official.  I got my first email that day and Item #9 in a list of 20 items in discussion was called simply “A Love Story”.  It caught my eye and I read it thinking, “How sweet!”  Not only does someone truly care for someone else, but it’s a past love too!  Then I read the last paragraph and sat stunned for about 5 minutes at work before I literally jumped out of my chair.  The person “A friend” was talking about was ME!

I could hardly believe it.  I called my friend and made sure she read it and together we both just stammered around while I tried to figure out who could possibly be looking for me.  I didn’t date all that much in high school, but I had a few boyfriends none of whom were terribly serious.  In any event I emailed the poster immediately and gave my cell phone and tried VERY hard to put the whole thing out of my mind so I could focus at work.  

At 5pm that night my cell phone rang and on the other end of the line was Mr. D; a man I hadn’t spoken to in about 16 years.  The short end of it, is that he convinced me that very night that he must see me.  I felt bad as he had been looking for me earnestly for the better part of two years so I agreed.  We met, we had dinner, we had coffee at borders afterwards, and then he kissed me gently on the lips as he said goodbye at around 10pm.  

I’ve not seen him physically since then.  

He stopped calling.  He didn’t return calls and when he did it was begrudgingly.  It hurt, simply because for the first time in my life and at a crucial time in my life I had been lifted up and placed on cloud 9, and told I was special.  Then as I sat there thinking how things like this don’t happen to me, the cloud was whisked away from under me and I fell all the way down crashing into reality.  

It didn’t matter that I didn’t feel there was a fit for a relationship beyond friendship, what mattered was that he showed me and made me feel for one full day like I was the ONLY thing that mattered in this world.  That’s what hurt when he disappeared.  

I told him at the time what I expected from a friend, in communication and expectations.  Mr. D I don’t think got it, so I let him go.

Why mention this?

Because today I received a voice mail message from Mr. D again for the first time in over a year…  He says he really needs a friend and that he knows he needs to BE a friend in order to have a friend and that now that he’s gotten some shit out of his life, he’s got room for someone special.  

I’m glad he’s reaching out and perhaps with communication and growth he can find what he’s looking for.  

As for me?  I say, Thanks for thinking of me, but you can keep your one night fairy tale.  I deserve the fairy tale AND the reality of someone who cares enough to spend some energy on more than just themselves.  

Be well Mr. D

*****
Well Wishes

You may think me lazy since I’m not mentioning people specifically, but that’s far from the truth.  Today I wish people like Mr. D a day full of growth and learning.  I send thoughts of healthy communication and awareness that sometimes, the things that are wrong in our lives ARE our fault.  Grow in your awareness of faults and self and then you can truly learn and love.  THEN I will be your friend because THEN you have something to offer me back.

*****
And Remember:

 “When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere” ~ François de la Rochefoucauld