Sleep? what's that... I got about an hour of it last night. I'm soooo tired and great now I'm emotional too because I didn't sleep. Not a good combination for someone who's empathic and wounded too. *sigh* The worst part about it, is I cannot find a creative shard in my body right now. Everything I want to write is sad, and that in and of itself is sad because I've just been part of a beautiful thing happening (see my post from wednesday this week). People go their whole lives and wish for something like that to happen to them. And I got lucky, and it happened to me.
The reason for my sadness is because the one I think I want ... wont be with me. Cant, wont, whichever you prefer, but he wont choose. I say the one I think I want because admittedly being swept off my feet is enticing and it doesn't help that the one I want isn't living up to who I thought he was. I dont want to settle though... so more time is needed on both fronts, however... in the meantime... i'm sad.
On the one hand I have a man who has searched for me for over two years, and wants nothing more than to be with me... yet he wont even call me when he says he will, (aside from other issues, that I have to deal with ...)
On the other hand I have someone that I have known for 7 months now who is so perfect in so many ways (dont get me wrong he has his faults too), but we "mesh" so well... yet he isn't strong enough to choose to take the risk. He doesn't understand that a "mesh" this perfect doesn't come along to everyone. And he admits to being afraid that we'll get together and find out we're not right for each other. So we live in delusion then? Is that preferable? For now while I recuperate and get my head on straight with some things, this is manageable... for now. We're on borrowed time, and if he's not there when I'm ready, then my heart will break as it says goodbye to him. But for now I will live with this... for now
Random poetry coming atcha
Without thinking I wore blue
I implore you to look deeper
see the pain just below the surface
It hurts, but carries a message too
that I am alive
I wish no pain to others
but hold mine close to my heart
It is familiar... my friend
and as it stirs once more
this pain makes me shed my tears
Today I wore blue
but my heart wore pain
©SKW
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In my acquired wisdom I've accepted: 1. That it's OK to admit I like girly things 2. That it's OK I didn't post this ON...
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In my acquired wisdom I've accepted: 1. That it's OK to admit I like girly things 2. That it's OK I didn't post this ON... -
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