That DAMN DORITO! TGIF

So Thursday was ok, I had a good blog to report, I looked half decent... what's more important I FELT half decent. I got to lunch and ate my soup and sandwich and decided to splurge and have a few baked doritos and then it all fell apart. Ok so it's not that dramatic, but at the time it was. That damn dorito! Without the gory details, eating that single dorito cracked my upper tooth on the right side all the way INTO the gumline. OH MY GOD I have not felt pain like that. It hurt sooooo bad tears instantly sprang to my eyes. Now this tooth has been giving me some pain for al ittle bit off and on, but I have horrible dental insurance and even worse, no money. I mean I haven't had a single physical in at least three years of any kind. And the last time I had my teeth cleaned was two years ago and that was onl.y because I worked for the dentist. So here I am in pain, and the first thing that comes to mind is oh my god I dont have a dentist, and secondly... I'm going to miss out on four hours pay.

I called my mom and she got me into her dentist right away and after a short time on hold I bolted out the office door to go to the dentist. At this time, the tooth stops hurting soo bad, but now is just throbbing. Yet, I'm still crying. I just know this needs a root canal IF i haven't lost the tooth entirely and a root canal is $2k. I dont eevn know how I'm going to pay for this dentist visit. It's horrible!

I live on my own, I go nowhere, I do nothing and yet I have no money. I have NOTHING. *breathe*. My mom is going to take care of this. Yay mom, but DAMMIT I'm so tired of this. Since I've been married all the time we had bill issues and back then it was because of the lifestyle he wanted that I grew accustomed to. I enjoyed it as well but before the computers and the games, I had no concept of that. My idea of a good time was hanging out with friends. Mind you I'm not complaining in some respects because without that, I wouldn't know as much as I know about computers NOR would I have the friends I have. but... beyond that, we couldn't afford what we had and even after the bankruptcy it was still worse. Then towards the end of our marriage when we tried to get ourselves straight, because of layoffs we couldn't. Now my credit is shit and I had so many debts to pay that when we sold our house... *sigh* When we sold our house I got quite a bit of money.. over 10k, I have just over 1k in the bank now. THAT'S how many bills I had. I've paid rent as well with that money, and am striving to be able to pay all my bills on my salary but It's rough going and doesn't leave room for emergencies like this... so AGAIN my mom has to help me. It's so disheartening. It just makes me sad.

On the flip side I got to spend more time at home yesterday and I'm not going to think about the lack of pay, I'm going to enjoy the fact that I was at home.

The last downside is that I was so damn upset over the whole tooth thing that I didn't walk yesterday but for 5 minutes :( now THAT is a shame. I will make it up today.

In any event, i've decided that each day i'm going to tell myself just hos grateful I am for things and count off at least three things that I'm grateful for each day. EACH day. So I'll start today:

1. I'm grateful for my mother without whom I would not survive
2. I'm grateful for people that "get" where I'm coming from. Those that without having to spell it out can make me feel so comfortable about myself and what i'm saying that there is never uncomfortable silence.
3. I'm grateful for friendship. I'm grateful for people like Michael who loves me so, Dana who loves me so, Daved who cares for me despite my not calling him, and all my online friends who without seeing me love me just as much as those who do see me.
4. I'm grateful for my alarm clock too
5. and lastly for now grateful for days when my hair just goes.. i dont have to fight, it just goes lol. It makes life so much easier.

And now a quote I know from memory that I love: He who moves about the chaotic currents of life is never without trouble. ~Carl Jung

And something else for those that find they only need a tiny bit of inspiration. Remember, taking the first step to change in your life means, you're better already for having done just that one thing. In other words you dont have to have done ALL of something to reap the benefits of it. Enjoy each step because it's part of the journey of change.

Random Poetry comin atcha!

Open your sleep filled eyes
gaze at the ceiling
see what you feel today
choose your feeling
It is your choice
the dawn of awareness comes
everyday
will you take it?
Own it today?
Choose...
©SKW