Acceptance: the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable; a 20 year chapter in my life

Ten years ago today, I walked into a courthouse, I sat down on a hard wood bench, and in 5 minutes I was free of the bond that 10 years prior I had made.  It happened so fast I didn't have a moment to contemplate fully the loss that had just been wiped away so easily.

10 years later, I've come to accept the loss of such things like: youth, trust, love, hope, dreams as they pertained to my young 21 year old mine back in September of 1993 when I said "I do".  Now in my 40's the bitterness that clung to me for three years after that day in 2003 has faded.  Indeed the scars have even healed on my heart.  I look back today with a quiet kind of understanding.  I see the three faces of the woman I was, at each stage of this chapter in my life.  Reflected in the mirror is the vibrant face of my youth, followed by the more mature face of adulthood, and now the woman who might just be a bit wiser and accepting.

Marriage is a commitment that should be taken seriously.  I'm not about to talk about the way society views it currently... but from my view as serious as I thought I took it, I didn't understand it fully.  Even still, now 20 years after I said "I do", and 10 years after I said "no, I don't" I realize the enormous weight that commitment and subsequent divorce has had.  All I can say now is, I accept it.  I accept this is what happened.  I accept the part in it, where I held fault.  I accept the pain and let it go.  I accept the hole that it left in my heart, which over time has gotten smaller, but still remains.  And I accept that the day I kissed the fairy tale goodbye was the day I threw out the dress of white.

But... I still believe and hope that someday perhaps, I'll be allowed to show my heart that I learned the lessons of forgiveness and acceptance (even of self).  And thus I'll be ready to share love and life again.  Hope, it's a beautiful thing...I accept that into my life too.

Gravity