How much for that doggie in the window (A tribute to Mushu)

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face. ~Ben Williams

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. ~Josh Turner

My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am. ~ Author Unknown

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Well it's that time. As most of you avid readers of my blog remember, I made a post a while ago about how Mushu, my dog would be given away. I received a call yesterday from my mother who said she had the wonderful luck to come across a woman whose mother had recently lost her dog to old age and was looking for another. The usual questions were asked; Yes, they love dogs; Yes, they know she needs special care; Yes, they know she needs to be out a lot. Hearing this news made me sad deeply so in that I will lose the ability to be able to see my dog when I choose. I have come to grips with the fact that this is going to happen and it's for the best, but it still doesn't help to keep me from being sad.

For any animal lover out there, you know that no matter what others may say or do, your animals come first. I wish I had the ability to make this so for Mushu, but I can recognize that at least she will be happy and hopefully better off. Today's post is in tribute to Mushu, the dog I never thought I'd have who loved me more than some who had committed to me. Who showed me with a simple lick on my nose that I was her everything even when I had thought I was nothing. And who taught me in no uncertain terms that the king size bed was hers, with just a simple push of her paw.

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She came to us in November of 1998. We had been discussing getting a dog and were considering going to a breeder for a special breed of dog. Four days after we moved into our brand new, freshly built, paint still wet townhouse, I went into a pet store with my friend.

There, I saw a beagle/basset mixed puppy looking at me. She had the prettiest eyes. Immediately I asked to play with her. In a matter of moments I knew not only because she was born on my birthday (9-21), but because she had touched me deeply, that I wanted this dog. I put her on the counter and announced that I wanted her.

As we stood there, mushu sitting on the counter, me waiting for the checkout woman, I realized... I didn't even have coverings in my house yet and here I was spending my money on a dog. I looked at this dog, and for 40 agonizing minutes had to decide to be responsible? or follow my heart? In the end I left the pet shop very saddened without my mushu.

I cried the ENTIRE night. Even my then husband was amazed at how sad I was.

I made a deal with him and myself, once I got the blinds/window coverings, I was getting my dog. The very next day I spent getting window coverings and scheduling installations. That experience is a whole other story ;) But all I cared about was I was getting my dog!.

I brought home an 8 week old puppy and began to learn all about the love of a dog. I had dogs all my life. My mother and my grandmother had kennelled dogs at one point...show dogs at that. So I was no stranger to dogs. however this one was different, this was MY dog. I had bought her, I had painstakingly trained her, and I had learned who was bos through her... she was ;)

Over the years we and many friends who came over grew to love Mushu, it was nearly impossible not to do so. As many dog lovers and animal lovers will attest to, she became our child. She was sweet, wild, innocent, daring, and so loving.

When things in our marriage were going downhill, mushu was there to love me. She would play with me, laugh with me as only dogs do, and bring a smile to my face even when I was in tears. Who doesn't have an awesome story of their dog? I have many...

She had this way of looking innocent even as she was totally busted for being wrong. And truthfully, how could you be mad at a face like that?

There are so many things I could say about Mushu, the dog I never thought I'd have. But in the end, what I have to say today is simply, I love you Mushu. I love you for loving me when I needed it the most, for knowing when a lick on the nose was the perfect comfort, or where to strategically place your paw so as to tell me that 3/4 of the king size bed wasn't enough and I should just move into the corner. (Yes, I did move too :P).

I hope she'll understand why I can't come see her today, why that would just break my heart, but that instead I offer her this tribute of love in images and words that are captive inside me. I hope she'll be happy and that truly this will be the best thing for her. I hope these people are truly good because if I find out otherwise... I just wouldn't know what to do.

I hope she knows even if she forgets me per se and even though I'm not there to remind her in person, just how much I love her and that she will always be my special angel... My mushu

Mushu

I had difficulty thinking of what to post today. I was tired this morning, still a little sick, and still can’t hear out of my left ear so I wasn’t even sure I *was* posting. Then I got my tax refund and while driving to work paying out bills and such I got excited because in two months I’ll have financial freedom (approximately).

I’ve decided that I’m going to be signing for one more year at my current place. Even if I *did* have somewhere to go I have no money to move and the neighbors aren’t making too much noise. So I’ll stay for one more year. That means in August (barring any major problems) I”ll have money each check for savings. No more living check to check. I’ll also even have money to go out each check. I’ll be working on cleaning up my credit report at that point now that those bills that would be late (i.e. medical bills) would be gone. So starting August I’ll be debt free and a year from August I’ll have a good amount in savings, and a really nice credit report.

I should be happy right? I was… until I called my mother and she dropped a bomb on me.

I do not want to blame her. My mother is a wonderful woman. She has been my sole support when things were really bad for me. She has truly taken care of me and taken care of my dog Mushu when I couldn’t keep her because the *only* place I found to live when I *had* to move from the divorce was a place that doesn’t allow dogs.

Mushu is the cutest beagle/basset hound mix dog you’ll ever see. She was born on my birthday though she is quite younger than me being born in 1998 :P. From the start she was trained well in all areas except a few. It didn't matter though, she was my puppy. The first dog *I* ever bought instead of mom buying and bringing home.

When I moved I had to say goodbye to her and my mother took her in so I could see her. Mushu however has always had a problem with her bathroom habits and in her later years it’s gotten worse as the medicines she’s on (she’s on quite a few now for skin allergies etc) make her unable to control it anymore. So today my mother tells me because of the bathroom issues, she can't deal with it anymore and I have to find a no kill shelter for mushu.

And in a split second all the happiness I felt is gone.

I don’t want my dog to go to a shelter...but I have no choice. I know this. I know I can't be unfair to my mother who has for two years now kept my dog for me instead of forcing me to give her up back in 2004. I also know I can’t take her in my current apartment. Not only would I not be able to afford her health issues and bathroom messes, but my apartment complex doesn’t allow it… They won’t even allow her to visit. Additionally I know I can’t move somewhere that takes dogs, even if I *COULD* afford her because I have no money to move though if I could I would do it in a second…

The temptation to be angry right now at many things is great. I could be angry at my mother for not being able to handle it anymore. I could be angry at my failed marriage having such a profound effect on me, that now includes having such a negative impact on a poor defenseless dog as well. I could be angry that my life isn't better right now so that I *could* take her back. But none of that anger even displaced and in some cases, wrong, is going to help Mushu any :(

The thought of putting Mushu in a shelter is just killing me right now. I’m an avid dog lover and I LOVE my dog even more than most other dogs. I can’t expect my mother to keep her if she can’t, but I just feel… so sad right now. This release of news was about as gentle as a ton of bricks crashing down on me.

Maybe I shouldn’t be so sad; It IS just a dog after all right??

But she's MY mushu. She's loved me unconditionally for many years, she's licked my nose when I cried offering her love and she's kept me warm at night when my bed was cold as the first pangs of lonliness began. I love her...and today now, I am sad.