This is 47

In my acquired wisdom I've accepted:

1. That it's OK to admit I like girly things

2. That it's OK I didn't post this ON the day of my birthday

3. That I'm wearing glittery kitty ears in this pic

4. That this pic is from end of 2017

5. That it's OK to be 47

6. That I'm alive

7. That I'm in love

8. That I'm sometimes happy

9. That I'm sometimes sad

10. That I'm not just alive, but I'm living.

She finally got to be on her beach

I finally got the nerve today to visit the American Cancer Society's place in Second Life. I had several times wanted to visit, but was too afraid. In visiting I stumbled upon the Memorial Gardens.

I was scared to be there, I had a horrible day at work; my emotions were already threatening to overwhelm me. But there, two people stood. I spoke to them briefly and discovered that one of them was the creator of the lovely place and a cancer survivor as well.

For so long I had thought that somehow maybe because I wasn't near death with my cancer, or invaded by chemotherapy for years that somehow my cancer wasn't as severe. No matter how it affects you Cancer of any kind is severe. It is brutal, non discriminatory, and painful mentally, physically and emotionally to so many.

In talking with this person, I had asked timidly what I needed to do to add a memorial for someone. He was so kind, he let me add one that very moment for her. When he asked me where I would want to place it, without a moments hesitation I said "Somewhere on the beach?"

He immediately put a picture I hastily gave him nestled between some palm trees facing the bluest ocean. The tears began to flow freely as I stood there and just stared at this lovely tribute to the woman who changed my life so much. I began to feel all the old fears of my cancer, the sadness at losing her just two years before mine. I began to feel the sadness from the days events, the stress from work and a torrent of tears broke through my walls.

But somewhere among the deluge of depression, sadness, and pangs of longing, was one emotion that is always there somehow, God only knows how...

Love.

I loved this woman I never met. I loved the doctors who before my surgery hadn't laid eyes on me before but took care of me. I loved this woman's fiancee that I had never met. I loved both of their families for providing me one of the highest points of my life as they thanked me for doing a radio show devoted to her... these people who didn't even know what Yahoo instant messenger was, learned that night how to type "Thank you for loving our daughter" as I did a broadcast in her honor when she was in a coma they weren't sure she'd come out of (she did). I loved all those who supported me through my cancer including this woman's fiancee who was still wounded from the loss of his love, but able enough to reach out and help me.

Even as I write this, the tears are still flowing, as I sit here by her memorial I can't stop them. But as all the sadness of the day, fears and stresses begin to depart I feel her there beside me in my heart. And strangely as I cry, I am comforted. I am sad and filled with the longing of her words. But I am comforted. And I know soon the tears will stop and tomorrow will be a better day for having had them.

So I look to tomorrow, and send out love to the many survivors, and loved ones who have fought bravely but not survived. I send love out because I am hurting and because I know only that will make me feel better. I send love out because it's who I am and in doing so, I feel her nearby. The woman who's sanctuary was a beach and finally in the virtual world has found a home again near me.

In warm memories and with much love I remember you.

Jessie Smith 1976-2004

And thank you to those two in Second Life, who gave me the most insightful words of the evening.

H.M.: some of us have to go to remind those left behind how precious we all are
H.M: if you do nothing more than that than your life is an accomplishment

Profound words my friend, indeed.

Vacation Memories

My hand gripped the door handle and all I could think of was “I’m on vacation!” The trip had begun without a hitch thus far as we sat in the car driving (rocketing :P) towards our destination 7 hours away.

Then the bomb fell (insert dramatic music here). Google man turned to look at me and said these dreaded words “You need to navigate”.

“What? You DO know who you’re talking to right?”

So yours truly, directionally challenged and all, got a quick cliff notes version on how to read a map folks. That’s it, hell has truly frozen over, the muse provided directions (good ones at that)! Well, short of that small bump in the road in the beginning, our drive was smooth.

7 hours later we arrived in the sleepy little cabin area that is called “Tall Pines Resort”. Dotted all over the lakefront area are these cabins, (two bedrooms, small kitchen area, and living room) and docks everywhere. Immediately one takes in the forgotten sounds of nature; frogs in the afternoon heat, birds of all kind chatting to each other, crickets etc.

Stepping onto the deck of the cabin we were to stay in, it took me a few moments to adjust to the heat. But once I did, I sat down and immediately all the tension I felt over health worries, moving, money, literally just drained right out of me. How could it have stayed?

We met some really down to earth & funny people. We had so much fun on the pontoon boat (especially after I made Google man swear he wasn’t going to kill me with his driving on the boat! I swore I would haunt his family if he killed me :P)

But it wasn’t really until I was on the boat standing at the front watching the open lake, smelling the air as it whipped through my hair, and feeling the splash of the water against my skin, that I felt completely at home. With my Ipod firmly attached, Enya took the perfect opportunity to play “Water Shows the Hidden Heart” and it was a ride of pure bliss. The music, the air, the eagles, the water; I very nearly cried with happiness.

Bits of poetry came to mind, images sprang to life as they began to paint themselves in my memory & I soaked all I could in, so I could archive every second of it in my hall of “great moments lived”. I learned right there, what it was to be living in the moment, the lesson I had been striving to learn for some time.

And so I did live in the moment...

Packing seemed so far away, health concerns were non existent, and the child in me came out to play. It was a glorious time, one I shall never forget, and definitely EXACTLY what the Dr. Ordered for me…

(pics below)

I am so blessed for the experience I had, the company I kept, the peace I felt. Just as you, are a blessing to me as well…everyday.

Be well friends.

Rock Formations line the highway as we drive on....

Signs of the country abound...

Almost there!

At last, 7 hours later we reach our destination...

The moon makes her presence known early into the night...

Greenery, Nature, Loving it!

Heading out of the dock, on the pontoon boat, a water lily floats nearby...

Houses flank the shore, summer home delight!

Talk about a peaceful place to rest!

Amazing treeline!

Sparkling, like diamonds, the water is soooo inviting...

So close you could just touch it....(And I did! I swam in it :P)

Back on land, the flowers stand tall...

Look closely! do you see the frog?

Dragonflies are everywhere!

Sometimes they even darted close enough that I could take their picture...

The most majestic, regal bird I have ever seen, the Bald Eagle. (Sorry it's not a better shot, he never really got too close, though I got to see him close with binoculars... It took my breath away)

Second attempt to take his picture, better, but not the best...

The approaching sunset kisses the water in the sleepy little resort area...I didn't want to leave

And on our way home, we are greeted by a sunburst with gorgeous long rays. The sun stretches her arms far, and warmth reaches all.

Hope you enjoyed the pics!

Lantern

Here's a new painting from me. It's not what I would call good, but I am getting significantly better :)

Where to begin...

She walked in the room and conversation ceased. The hushed silence brought on by everyone’s smiles and glances insisted that indeed she was royalty. Heading straight to the reception desk where she was greeted with a soft hello and a welcome to the Hotel Monaco, the Muse smiled and knew that a weekend removed from all life’s daily routines was underway…

~*~

This weekend… This weekend. Oh my goodness there just aren’t enough descriptive words in the English language to describe this weekend. So I’ll offer snippets. Little tasty tidbits if you will. Here we begin:

Chocolate covered strawberries delivered to the room. Fizzy balls of aromatherapy for the hot tub. A room that looked like a palace. People dying to wait on you hand and foot. Wide screen plasma HD TV on the wall. A dozen beautiful long stem roses. Turn down service complete with chocolates and a breakfast card for room service. Phenomenal breakfast offerings and even better dinner offerings. Fully stocked wet bar. TV and snack tray in the bedroom of the suite. Chaise lounges in two different places. Window seating in EVERY single window the room had. Black out drapes that made day turn to darkest night with the simple tug of the drapes. Pillows you sank into forming against your shape. Wine tasting every night between 5 and 6pm. Homemade chocolate cookies so warm they melted in your mouth. A doorman who opened and closed every door for you as well as hailed a cab at any time. A concierge willing to do anything for you if you just ask. Wicked (need I say more?). An extra day of pampering. Blue Man Group!

And the best part? The thing that topped it all? Well two actually:

The company of one very caring man – Google Man
The company on our last day of two very special friends: Mrs. Virgo and Kyle

From the start on Thursday on arriving, I felt removed from my life. I felt like a princess or maybe even a queen. The whole weekend had its wonderful moments like this that reminded me of just how special an occasion like this is. I’m busily trying to imprint every single memory into my head, and busy trying to plan some future things ;)

So now, where words have failed me, I will give you pictures. Rest assured this muse had the best weekend of her life in so many ways this weekend. (It had been lengthened by a day too!)

Thank you Google man, for an experience I shall never forget.

Well dip me in color and call me AUBURN! Muse pics!

Ahh the marvels of modern technology, the wonder of it all... I'm in a hell of a goofy mood today. My first day back at work, bleh. BUT, I'm sporting a new do so I thought I'd share with you :P

The Beauty of a Sunrise

Happy Friday everyone! I was most fortunate this morning to be up early enough to catch the sunrise. My only regret was that for the blissful 30 minutes i watched the sun greet the day, that I had not been in the country somewhere. The traffic was the normal rush hour, and the cell towers and lights were in the way of everything. I was however able to enjoy it nonetheless and so, wish to pass this on to you in case you missed it. Enjoy friends and have a BEAUTIFUL day. XO

I see you .... :)

Taken 2-10-07

A Night (Moon) for Poetry

Click the picture above for a full size shot. The complete poem is here:

Moonlight

As a pale phantom with a lamp
Ascends some ruin's haunted stair,
So glides the moon along the damp
Mysterious chambers of the air.

Now hidden in cloud, and now revealed,
As if this phantom, full of pain,
Were by the crumbling walls concealed,
And at the windows seen again.

Until at last, serene and proud
In all the splendor of her light,
She walks the terraces of cloud,
Supreme as Empress of the Night.

I look, but recognize no more
Objects familiar to my view;
The very pathway to my door
Is an enchanted avenue.

All things are changed. One mass of shade,
The elm-trees drop their curtains down;
By palace, park, and colonnade
I walk as in a foreign town.

The very ground beneath my feet
Is clothed with a diviner air;
While marble paves the silent street
And glimmers in the empty square.

Illusion! Underneath there lies
The common life of every day;
Only the spirit glorifies
With its own tints the sober gray.

In vain we look, in vain uplift
Our eyes to heaven, if we are blind;
We see but what we have the gift
Of seeing; what we bring we find.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
1807 - 1882

Sister Moon

These pictures were taken tonight, and man do they remind me of a song I heard by Vanessa Williams... "Sister Moon". Moonshadow, my friend in game, this night's lyrics posting is for you. xo to you.

Sister moon will be my guide,
In your blue blue shadows I would hide.
All good people asleep tonight
I'm all by myself in your silverlight
I would gaze at your face the whole night.
Though I'd go out of mind but for you
I'd go out of my mind but you

Lying in a mother's arms
The primal root of a woman's charms.
I'm a stranger to the sun my eyes are too weak
How cold is a heart when it's warmth that it seeks?
You watch every night, you don't care what I do
I'd go out of my mind, but for you
I'd go out of my mind, but for you

My lover's eyes are nothing like the sun.
My hunger for him explains everything I've done
To howl at the moon the whole night through.
And they really don't care if I do
I'd go out of my mind but for you.

Vanessa Williams - Sister Moon