Guardian Angels, Sanctuary (LONG story)

For those of you who remember my previous rough draft story, (Breath of an Angel) you will recognize this. For you new readers, keep in mind a few things:

1. This is a rough draft; unedited; raw emotion.

2. It is a vision I had while meditating during a particularly rough emotional day

3. It is a vision i share freely with you, though it is entirely personal.

It was particularly powerful for me, and quite unexpected. I believe in signs of all kinds, and I believe in miracles. And sometimes, a miracle doesn't have to be huge, or world changing to be called a miracle. Sometimes, it is a miracle to just one...

~*~*~*~*~*~

The fields of green were behind her. In front of her she stood at the edge of a cliff so high she appeared to stand even with the setting sun. The water glowed with the imbued colors the sun bestowed upon it, and in places it glittered like amber and diamonds. She rose slowly from her sitting position wiping the tears from her brown eyes. Tucking a stray piece of brown hair behind her ears she watched the sun make its slow descent wondering how it was that she came here.

This place was new to her. No stranger to calming environments, she was rather a master of creating them. However this was not her place, she did not know whose place it was.

The grass grew tall enough that with the care of a lovers caress each blade seemed to stroke her bare ankles. The white dress she wore came to about an inch below her knees and swayed lightly as she moved, sensitizing her skin to every whisper about her. Her eyes focused once more on her surroundings and as she leaned gently forward, she saw below the white velvet sands. Occasional strands of grass grew out from the cliff displaying proudly the marriage of earth and sandy beach. Seagulls overhead called softly, not loudly as they often do, as if not wishing to disturb her as she gained her bearings.

The sun in front of her changed from bright yellow to amber orange as it slowly set deep into the vast ocean in front of her. She could almost hear the noise it made sliding into the depths of approaching night and she stood transfixed at this vision of peace.
Somewhere in a distant world, she was aware that her real self sat, eyes closed, reclining, having asked for this moment, hoping that she would find peace as the walls of chaos enclosed her. Smiling, she realized that while this wasn’t her sanctuary or the others, it was something new… a new addition to her blissful home.

Behind her the grass rustled as something walked quickly towards her. Engrossed as she was in the sun, she wasn’t aware of the presence until the warmth of its body brushed against her calves. She looked down and saw the warm eyes of her dog “Mushu”. She cried aloud tears springing to her eyes as she knelt down to hug her companion. Mushu greeted her with all the love that she was always known to have, licking at her nose and yelping a bit in excitement. Mushu looked healthy and vibrant. Her coat glistened with a healthy shine, and the caramel, toffee, and onyx colors of her coat were bright. The white spot that had been on her back, always looking like a heart was prominent as if it had been brushed and made to stay that way. She wrapped her arms around the dog feeling its heartbeat against her chest.

So involved was she, that she didn’t notice again, the next warm touch against her body. Turning startled, she looked and saw her other dog “Dotty”. Dotty, who had passed many years ago from cancer looked so healthy now. Her fur was brushed fine and sparkling in its color of perfect white. She looked at her with her gray eyes and sat prettily looking for attention but not rushing, savoring the reunion. Picking up the hem of her dress gently to fully kneel in the grass, she wrapped Dotty in a hug so tight she feared it was too much. Mushu joined Dotty and together all three sat in the cliff hugging, and playing while tears crept down the woman’s face. She felt a joy she hadn’t felt in a long time at the sight of her old companions, and for the first time her spirit was lifted.

She stood quietly at long last, giving each dog one last pat on the head, and turned to face the sun again, now a brilliant shade of orange. Each dog flanked her sides and sat in quiet showing their respect for the miracle she was witnessing.

Again she heard the grass rustling and this time didn’t turn in anticipation, but smiled wondering what other joys this sanctuary would bring her. She felt rather than saw the hand reaching for her shoulder. She turned slowly her breath caught in her throat as she saw the woman of light she had known as Jessie. Her image shimmered as light does, but slowly became clear and solid. Smiling at her was the true image of the woman who had moved her so in her life. No words were spoken, but the eyes connecting spoke volumes enough. Suddenly, facing Jessie she saw images, a slight wavering of the air, a shimmering even with no hint of what lay beyond. She squinted as Jessie squeezed her shoulder lightly reassuring her, and before her one by one materialized three women that she had not seen in years. With a cry, stifled by the sudden lump in her throat, she reached forward to touch the first woman’s face.

“Kathleen…” it came out as a whisper and the mirage shimmered becoming solid smiling and nodding.

To Kathleen’s left a woman with fiery red hair, tall as an Amazon with beautiful sparkling blue eyes appeared. At this sight, the tears flowed freely and she let them fall without hesitation. She didn’t even need to speak but heard her say what she couldn’t speak aloud.

“Grandma…” She smiled at the vision even though her eyes nearly clouded over with tears. The air rippled around the figure as it became solid and she could see her grandmother reaching forward to gently touch her heart with a now solid hand. The touch electrified her and gave her immeasurable calm at the same time.

To her left, the air rippled and danced again with sparkling shimmers of light and the last vision appeared quickly as if it couldn’t wait to be seen. The woman covered her mouth and held her breath not believing what she was seeing.

“Pamela…” the word came out husky, throaty, as if it had gotten lodged in her throat… “My sister…” she continued silently.

She watched each of these woman, each who had a special effect on her life at various points in her life. She knew then, at least one purpose for this visit. She had asked for peace, had fallen into the reclining chair in her waking world crying for solace as the ghosts of her past came, haunting her with madness.

She turned back to Jessie while Mushu and Dotty danced happily at her feet carefree as dogs are… She spoke in her mind, as she reached for Jessie’s hands.
”I failed you” she cried silently her tears like silver slipping from her glowing eyes to trace a path down her cheeks.

Jessie squeezed her hands tightly and smiled intoning in what must only be the voice of an angel…

“No my dear, you did not. You gave me what it is you seek now. You gave me joy, peace and rest.” She smiled at her letting her words sink in before continuing. “And I am here always with you, wherever you need me. I am in your heart holding the torch to steer away the darkness, to hold your hand when you’re afraid and I am always here.” She smiled and squeezed her hands gently as tears continued tracing healing paths to the woman’s heart. Jessie released the woman’s hands and touched her shoulders, her hands glowing white with light. The touch was warm and radiated out from the shoulders down into her arms. She spoke one last time to her…

“Your arms are imbued with the gift of love. They have the ability to heal just by their being wrapped around another. It is this hug that sets you and others free…”

Jessie stepped back and nodded to her right, indicating she was to talk to her next vision. Reluctantly she turned her head from Jessie, her head swimming with so many questions.

Kathleen put her hands on the woman’s chin steering her gently like a mother would to a child to look into her eyes. She spoke to the woman first, allaying her questions.

“In time as you visit us, you will know more… but we have gifts to give you now my dearest friend.”

The woman looked at Kathleen, her secret tumbling from her lips falling like rose petals to the ground.

“I failed you, I was so mad that you left me… that we had become such good friends, and you left…I just couldn’t handle it, I cried so hard, I just couldn’t let go…” Her body shook with the tears that poured from her raining down onto the grass at her feet. She continued, “I’m so sorry, I wasn’t there for you.”

Kathleen put her hands around the woman’s waist holding gently around the green sash that cinched the white dress and spoke clearly in a soft voice that was carried on the breeze.

“No, my dear, you did not. You were there at a time when I had no one. I had the benefit of knowing you when I was healthy, sharing with you when I laughed, loving you when I lived. I carried that in my heart everyday, and even still to this moment carry it. You were my friend of the heart, and always will be and you can never have never failed me…”
With that said, Kathleen reached forward and ran her hands down the sides of the woman’s body. She spoke quietly, softly…

“Your chest has the ability to heal, for within it beats your heart. Your heart provides the life sustaining energies you need to carry on. Your body, houses it. Your body is a temple of love, it was built that way.” Her hands glowed white as they trailed down her sides and wound up around her waist again. “Respect your temple, it is within there that your love resides, where you can dip into the bottomless well of light that you have.” She smiled and stepped one step back her fingers trailing away from the woman. She nodded gently, indicating she should talk to the next one to her right.

Learning quickly the routine, and staving off the endless questions, she turned slowly her eyes welling up again with silver tears. She didn’t even reach forward to touch her grandmother fearing that to do so would break the magical spell cast upon her that allowed her to see her soul mate once again.

“Grandma…” the words trailed off and she couldn’t speak again. Of the deep secrets she had for these people, this one hurt the most… She dare not speak it.

Her grandmother stepped forward and wrapped her in a hug that at once lifted her spirits to soar. She felt light as if she could fly, and she felt warmth seeping in to carry away the taint of negativity she had. Her grandmother whispered to her in her ear…

“I know you think you failed me. I know you think that because you got tired of saying goodbye everyday to be prepared for my leaving, that the one day you didn’t and the next I was gone was your fault. You were a child my darling, and knew nothing of the ways of the world at the time. But trust me, I knew then, as I know now, as I have always known from the moment my daughter came home with you… that you loved me and still do.”

The woman shook with the force of the tears that overwhelmed her hearing her grandmother say these words.

Her grandmother kept her wrapped tightly in a hug, but took her left hand and began to lovingly stroke her hair. Her hands glowed white with every pass, leaving trails of white light in the woman’s hair each time. She continued on to stroke her ear and neck as she whispered to her.

“Your head my child has always had the ability to comprehend emotions just as much as your beautiful heart. Your ears have the ability to hear that, which most cannot at first glance. What you think you lack, you have so much of… You just have to reach for it. It’s always been inside of you, it was given to you, and you just have to use it.”

Her grandmother hugged her tighter and whispered in her heart “I love you my sweet angel.” She released her hug and the woman nearly fell over not wanting to let go. She didn’t care now that her eyes were so blinded with tears that she could barely see. She looked at all four of the visions and saw them for what they truly were; angels… her angels.

Her grandmother smiled at her and nodded towards her sister, indicating that this was her next visit.

She stood silently facing the woman that she missed so, and was unable to speak. Pamela put her index finger over her own lips and smiled her beautiful quirky smile that had always graced her in life.

She glided forward and placed both her hands on her sisters heart. They glowed an alternating color of white, softest healing pink, then green. She smiled up at her sister waiting for her to speak as she knew her words must be spoken first… Eventually her voice found her and she spoke through wracking sobs.

“I was so mad at you. I was so mad at you for always taking mother away from me with your illnesses and needs. I was mad at you for leaving that night. I was mad that you chose those people over us. Those people we left behind when we moved, that didn’t care about you… you left us for them. “ She spoke faster and faster until she could barely understand herself, but she had so much to say…

“Then, the night you were in the hospital, I was mad at God. I told him I would never forgive him if he took you. I felt responsible for you since we had been growing closer, you see? And how could I be responsible for you, if you were gone. You were all I had… I cursed God that night. I told him I could never forgive…” and she leaned forward against her sisters hands sobbing with all her guilt her words dissipating on the gentle breeze of dusk.
All three of the other visions moved behind her supporting her and whispering words of comfort to her.

Pamela finally spoke and her voice was the softest sweetest sound the woman had ever heard. As she spoke the light that emanated from her hands pulsed into her sisters heart.

“I know you were mad at me. All those years, because you excelled, you didn’t need. But I did. My time in this world was short, because I needed to be here… for you.” She smiled at the woman so gently, the smile of a mother to a young child, not condescending but full of the most beautiful love.

Her tears slowly began to abate as the woman held her up, and her sister covered her heart. She looked at her eager for her to continue and the vision did not disappoint.

“Your heart my sister, your beautiful heart is the essence of it all. You were given these gifts by angels, and though you were afraid, now is the time. Now more than ever, you need to live in your heart. You have tremendous gifts to bestow on those that want them. Your heart is a beacon sister. It is a light that shines in the darkest of times and people see it… you must let it shine so people have hope; so people know of love. You have the heart of an angel sister, let everyone see it.”

She gently moved her hands away from her heart and smiled at her shimmering softly in the approaching night.

The woman turned back towards the water; it felt like the right thing to do. She stood there watching the stars wink into existence as the moon looked upon the angels and their charge. Both dogs sat at her legs, their bodies pressed up against hers offering unwavering love. The angels stepped behind the woman, placing their hands on her body. One hand on a shoulder, one on her head, one on her waist, and the last, on her back directly over where her heart was… And into the deep night they stood. The four guardian angels and their charge, offering her hope and light in the darkest of times.

It was an image she would not soon forget.

©SKW

Storytime on Friday; Permanence; The Dream

It’s just like a tiny fire…” She thought to herself, as she looked at the ring in the satin green lining of the ring box he presented.

An eternity spanned a few seconds and the minutes overlapped in their haste to catch up to reality as she stared numbly. The ring, so little was such a huge symbol to her. And here it was presented as if an award, a trophy, the prize… someone else’s heart. The stone was the most beautiful fiery opal. Her mothers voice interrupted her thoughts, "an opal should only be given as a gift". She chuckled inwardly, well mom, this is one heck of a gift. She smiled as she watched the light capture each facet of the opal, shimmering first green, then blue and finally light red flecks. The band was classically called a cathedral mount of platinum. It was a beautiful masterpiece and as he had told her, “It must be a beautiful masterpiece, for I’m giving it to the master of beauty”.

She looked up at him, her arms crossed against her chest as if hugging her tightly they could stop the rapid fire beating of her amazed heart. He simply smiled. The ring the mediator between two contemplating becoming one stood silent. In its very existence the future was portrayed, history played, memories created even before being slipped deftly onto the finger of its intended wearer.

He broke the silence first softly speaking, his words slightly trembling, as his fear of her saying no became evident “There is no rush honey, but this is my offering to you. My offering to share everything that life throws at us, side by side.” He watched her face as he spoke careful not to read too much into what he saw, but trying very hard to see something that would give the weight on his chest reason to move.

Continuing on in her silence “Most men are afraid of commitment, we’re afraid of losing control. We’re afraid of being a part of someone’s life with a commitment because it’s demands something of us. At least that’s what I think” He looked away for a second trying to gather his thoughts it seemed before speaking again. “But I know that this commitment I make to you with the help of this ring, is an extension of the commitment I already made to you when I said I love you. Because this ring doesn’t define us, it simply declares loudly for the whole world to see LOOK! We DID IT!!”

He grinned at this his hands going up in the air, the ring box moving out of her line of sight for a moment while he gestured. He noticed that her eyes followed the box before snapping back to him. He closed the ring box then, and put it in his pocket as he smiled. His smile was one of such warmth. It caused him to practically glow, his thin red lips curving upward while his brown eyes glowed with intensity. His face rugged around the edges, but soft in touch beckoned to her while he smiled at her, reaching his hands to her. Touching her delicate milky skin he put both hands on her cheeks and leaned in kissing her soft lips. Looking into her eyes, as he pulled back never dropping his hands from her face he continued in whispers now “And I want to tell the whole world, I did it… I found the woman who showed me what life is for. The women who I will defend, love, laugh with, and share with for the rest of my life. There is no other like you, and I know in my heart, that vessel which threatens even now to burst from my chest”, at this he grinned and continued still “that there never WILL be another. This, I promise you”. He wrapped his arms around her pulling him to her in a hug.

Heart to heart rapid beating, it was then she knew. She breathed in his scent inhaling the perfume of love. It was definitely a tangible, something real. So many she knew wondered if it existed. Today, she knew. She remembered their arguments, their laughter, and their nights alone. And she realized that this WAS what it was all about. She had lived such a hard life, abuse, shame, hardship. She had been so confused even growing up about love. But there was no confusion today. She knew it wasn’t about sex being love, because it could not be… She knew now as if she had known it all through her scarred lifetime, that love was the melding of two souls. It was the distinct unique qualities of two individuals retaining their identities and individualities as they became one. And for the first time in her life, as she clung to this man, holding him his heart beating against hers, she had no fear.

Whispering to him “What a blessed feeling to know. My soul will never forget this moment, this awakening”.

Stepping back from him she asked him softly “May I see it again please?”

He smiled again and withdrew the box of the future from his pocket. Holding it out to her he opened it gently and the light caught the opal in a shimmer of brilliance. She leaned in closer for a look and then looked at him and said, "Something’s missing”.

He looked at her quizzically his mind racing “Damn what did I miss?” he thought to himself. His mind went over the day’s events, they had gone out for a special candlelight dinner in a restaurant that had cozy corners. They had done her favorite thing, walking along the pier listening to the fog horns and birds calling while they shared dreams. They had then come to his home where a friend had helped him by coming in earlier to create a candlelight path to the living room where a roaring fire had been built (and had thankfully snuck out in time out the back door). And even the wine was chilling on the table next to a single rose. His brow furrowed as he thought aloud “Did I mess up?” His heart sank to think he could have messed this perfect moment up.

He looked into her green eyes flecked with gold and she simply smiled. In the smile he was comforted as her joy and love was evident in the way her red lips curled up, the way her nose wrinkled slightly when she smiled, and the way her eyes twinkled. He was captivated indeed. She spoke softly then “This is a beautiful ring, but whatever are you trying to tell me?” Winking at him he got it, and without a moments delay he got down on one knee.

The prepared speech he had taken a full day to memorize completely forgotten as he looked up at this vision of beauty and love, he simply stared for a moment into her eyes unable to speak. Her chestnut hair so soft against her shoulders radiated in the firelight. Her eyes almost had a luminescence to them as she gazed at him and he realized then that he was staring. Clearing his throat, he reached for her left hand, and wrapping hers in his he was rewarded with a reassuring squeeze of his hand as he breathed deeply to speak.

“I … I uh prepared a speech, but it has no meaning now. Not when placed in front of the glory that is you. “ He looked into her eyes speaking from his heart now letting go of reality to speak in the terms of love. “There are no words to define the music, the essence of love. I am humbled in its sight as I’m humbled every time I see you. I realize I’m just a man, and without you I will remain a man. “ He looked down for a second and when he looked back it was clear to her as his eyes watered ever so slightly that he was speaking of passion and from the heart. “But with you”, he whispered “I can be anything. I can DO anything… I can survive anything. I want to share everything, hear how you feel about things, and learn how we can be what others only dream of.”

He squeezed her hand back then and let go of it for a moment to fumble with the ring, pulling it from it’s soft satiny interior. It felt like permanence in his hand and he wasn’t afraid. Smiling even as he heard her gasp a little and laugh softly as the moment swept her away, he reached for her hand again trying to be so very careful that he didn’t shake as hard in his grip as his heart was inside his chest.

“Please give me the honor of being part of the existence of beauty, for the rest of my life, in good and bad for as long as we live” Having said that he slipped the ring that perfectly fit onto her finger while gazing into her eyes.

Her right hand over her mouth she couldn’t help but laugh softly in amazement. All her life she had thought it couldn’t be true, most especially not for her and yet here it was. She wanted to savor this moment… lock it in her memory forever. Then when she could stand it no longer, she said softly “I love you with all my heart. Yes, I will be by your side” Smiling widely she tugged at his hand and pulled him to her. Their faces mere inches apart now, she smiled, breathing deeply. Her heart slowed it’s incessant beating, growing comfortable in this love because it knew she wouldn’t be alone.

He leaned in without hesitation, his heart once beating so hard now permanently it seemed, stuck in his throat and kissed her. Their lips joined, becoming the seal of a chapter in a journey that they had started together and would continue together…for as long as they lived.

©SKW

Reaching out... a lifeline

Clinging to the phone desperately wishing for it to ring on the other hand, she stood still like a statue even so far as to hold her breath. An eternity passed by before smoothly the line went from jarring silence to the soft ringtones she expected. Releasing her breath slowly she listened to the ringing and hoped for the connection. 1 Ring "maybe they're not there", 2 Rings "Or don't want to be bothered", 3 Rings "do they know it's me and not want to pick up?", 4 Rings and the audbile click which meant the call was forwarding to the voice mail.

She moved for the first time since she had picked up the phone, stretching her legs and smiling ever so slightly to the sound of the popping of her joints.

"Hi, i'm not here right now"... the voice mail intoned.

"I know that, but where ARE you" she spoke to no one in particular.

Waiting for the beep, she thought over what she would say. "I was just thinking of you tonight". Scratching that with all the noise of nails on a chalkboard, she winced and moved to the next thought. "I'm lonely... and I." Ugh, she groaned to herself. No, that just won't do.

The shrill beep focused her attention back on the line and she breathed in deeply waiting for the words to come out. Releasing her breath again she realized she had nothing to say, and quickly hung the phone up. Resting her hand on the handle of the phone securely back in it's cradle, she smiled again with the thought that she had just crank called her friend. Ah well, she thought, maybe he'll enjoy the breathing.

She padded barefoot to her kitchen where the open bottle of wine awaited her and the candlelight from the myriad of candles she had lit danced in her shadow. Not bothering with the formalities that a wine glass would offer, she grabbed the bottle by the neck and took a long pull tasting the sweet wine as it ran eagerly down her throat.

What would she do tonight? She mulled over the possibilities and none of them appealed to her. Sighing she turned away from the counter armed with her bottle of wine and walked back into the living room where she sat on the couch and watched the time.

"What to do, what to do". She amused herself with thinking thoughts of creativity, creating anything. She stared at the candlelight as the flames continued their dance of light around her. She shivered slightly as the next wave of addiction overcame her enveloping her in the desire no NEED for a cigarette.

"I wont!" she said with more force than she intended, blowing a candle out that had been nearby.

She went through all the routines as she sat on the plush couch, sinking further as she repeated her mantra.

"My willpower is greater than that of my bad habits". Repeating the old phrase had a numbing effect on her greater than her new best friend Zinfandel could do and soon before she knew it, the bottle slipped from her grasp and her eyes closed in a sleep she hadn't known she'd needed.

~*~

Sitting up abruptly she was aware of a breeze coursing through the sky, causing her hair to run across her eyes. She blinked in the sunlight wiping her tired hand, struggling to release the vestiges of sleep. She smelled jasmine close by but could see no flowers. And when she had gone to bed last night ("Did I go to bed?" she thought... ), she had been wearing her clothing. now, however she wore a dress of sparkling white.

Standing slowly, unsurely she looked to her surroundings. Green fields as far as the eye could see heralded a day of brightest light. The air that had been moved by balmy breezes, was hushed in a moments pause as if to acknowledge the stranger in its midst. Turning slowly around she heard before she saw the brook bubbling over rocks, destination unknown. The brook continued as far as her eyes could see.

Upon completing her turn, having come full circle, her eyes now adjusted to the day, she noticed the house in the distance. Even from afar it had the air of a regal property. It looked like a castle, and then looked like a modern home.

"That's odd" she wondered aloud. "Just how much wine did I have?" she questioned to herself.

She felt no fear in this place, she simply felt "home". The wind ushered in the fragrance of jasmine again, and this time she knew the wind at her back was guiding her towards the home. With all the magic of a dreamstate she took a few steps and was nearly transported to the front steps of the porch of this home in the middle of nowhere. What she had seen as a castle and then a modern home was really a Victorian mansion, complete with a wrap around porch, flower beds in each window and a rocking couch built for two. She still remained unfrightened by this new place figuring she was merely dreaming and resigning herself to the dream. She put her hand on the banister noticed as she looked up taking the first step, the sign over the porch. She had not noticed it before and she wondered again if things weren't appareing as if being built right as she arrived, just for her.

The sign simply said: "The House of Love".

Stepping up the four steps onto the porch she noticed a notepad and a paper. Stationary she corrected herself, and a very antique looking pen. Laying on the seat of the two seater swing they almost called to her aloud even in their silence. The breeze carried faint whispers to her, gently caressing her ear with a soft voice spekaing phrases such as: "My love. I sit in the parlor today love. Today the gardens were in full bloom".

She slowly walked to the couch and reached forward without a single thought except to pick up the pen. The whispers became louder and she knew that this was what she was to be doing, right now. Her hands closed around the pen, a beautiful burgundy, heavy pen with initials carved in it. She could almost make them out. S. K. Leaning forward to get a better look, the whispers suddenly stopped.

~*~

With a thud and a groan she fell off the couch. The wine spilled onto the light carpet beneath her, deepening the stain in the material. She sat up gingerly rubbing her head, chiding herself lightly for having too much to drink. Leveraging herself up using the coffeetable to do so, she sat upright on the couch again. It was then that she noticed the pen and the single piece of stationary, that had not been there before. Scrawled on the paper were four words: "The House of Love".

©SKW

~*~

I have NO idea where this is going or if it's just some smattering of useless thought tonight. But as I composed it I was reminded of the love letters I've written and in all of them the theme is the same; a house built by the love of it's inhabitants, love for each other, that constantly changes. Some homes are steeped with tradition even acquiring the names of the family but in this home, the only family is "love". Maybe it's a sign to write some more letters, maybe it's just a random snippet, or maybe it's a beginning of something new borrowing from the old. Either way, I thought you might enjoy it.

Have a wonderful day everyone :)

Breath of the Angel **VERY** Long post & Story

"My greatest happiness consists precisely in doing nothing whatever that is calculated to obtain happiness."~Chuang Tzu

"There is no waiting for something to happen, no point in the future to get to. All you have ever longed for is here in this moment, right now." ~Oriah Mountain Dreamer Quotation taken from the poem "The Call" printed in the preface to: The Call: Discovering Why You Are Here

"When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed." ~Maya Angelou

**********
Today’s post is VERY long. It consists of a very raw rough draft of a story. This is a TRUE story. It is evidence of the miracles that are a part of humanity, and of the miracles that are a part of spirituality.

I wish you all many miracles and moments that make you know without a shadow of a doubt that there are forces at work in our life that we may not understand but should allow to work in us.

XO
~Muse

**********

Waves of pain came crashing against her. Each time she rode them trying to be the expert surfer rising above the crest to emerge triumphant, but each time the feeling was too much, too intense and she failed. Crying, falling, and tumbling over and over into the darkness of despair she wondered if an end was in sight. This pain had been going on for 4 days now and each time it felt as if the pain would be enough to kill her. Indeed she felt on more than a few occasions when gripped with the agony she felt, that perhaps death might be better. Constantly pressing at her was one question “Would this ever stop?”

Her thoughts distracted by fresh pain, she returned back to her present and the couch in which she sat, clinging tightly her mother’s hand. Her mother had raced over to comfort her as best she could when finally she had called upon her in tears begging for help. As each second of agony brought forth new tears, her mother watched her, her face showing concern. Knowing not what to do her mother decided finally that she would pray. She would pray for her daughter because that was all that could be done.

The familiar tones of the rosary being spoken aloud filled the room. Writhing on the couch in continual pain, she closed her eyes allowing a small irritation to take form in the back of her mind. She was annoyed that her mother would come here and pray…especially Catholic prayers. She did not care for Catholic prayers because she had concerns with the Catholic faith and the organized structure of the Catholic religion. Yet knowing this, her mother had still come and was praying now. She wondered when her mother would just stop praying because it wouldn’t work. But in the present, where the pain was freshest, she ignored the irritation and found she didn’t care if her mother prayed every prayer known to man, she just wanted the pain to stop.

Soon enough the words being spoken became a blur of sound filtering in to her ear. She could hear the prayer but not the words, hear the tone but not the annunciation of the prayer. Closing her eyes she moved without warning from the seat on her soft couch, to a standing position in a field of emerald green.

Her hair loose and long flowed gently cascading down to her shoulders, with only the top portion held gently at the crown by a ring of white roses. Turning and taking in the breathtaking views she saw the trees majestically tall, covered in green leaves incredibly full. The breeze picked up just then, the tree top swaying gently to a tune of life only seen, not heard. The sounds of birds and animals were heard all about her as the day in this magical place carried on around her as though she blended in perfectly to the environment, as though she belonged here. Turning a complete circle taking in the marvelously green fields of flowers of all varieties, she inhaled deeply the scent of freshness, something she hadn’t enjoyed in a while.

A stream in the distance caught her attention as it bubbled over the natural rock formations that time had left. Recognition and awareness came slowly almost descending on her when she saw the stream and the magnificent house in the background.

Looking down and smiling, she held the smooth velvet and satin material that was her dress. Lightweight and loose, it was bound only by a simple green sash at the waist. The material practically breathed with the fresh air of the balmy summer day.

Staring off at the house in the distance she heard the words clearly as if spoken yet her lips hadn’t moved a bit.

“My sanctuary”

Sounds filtered in to her consciousness, the sounds of words. She couldn’t make them out but was dimly aware that the sound was her mother praying. It became clearer to her then that she felt no pain. Indeed she felt nothing at all save for the breeze that graced her skin with its light touch. Her smile broadened as she realized all the years of visualization on her retreat had worked for here in front of her was the result; a place that she resided in where there was no pain. Turning and heading to the forest smiling running with her hands extended, brushing the tops of the tall grass, she laughed. Taking no more than 10 steps she saw in the distance through the trees a blinking light, almost twinkling. She stopped and squinted in the distance wondering with no alarm what that could possibly be?

She began to head towards the twinkling light and in a matter of dream seconds she was transported to a beach of magnificent perfection. The sands were white velvet she noticed as she stepped over them in her now bare feet. Warm and inviting the soft sand slipped between her toes as she moved. The single beach umbrella in pink, planted right at the shoreline caught her attention. A table to the left of the umbrella sat with a single glass of sparkling lemonade on it. The water beyond the shore was of such sapphire blue one could almost pull a real sapphire from its depths to know this was how it was lit…

The magic of this place was ethereal and to her dream infused mind heralded such reminiscence that her heart quickened knowing the minute she saw the umbrella, exactly where she had come. Again the words were whispered to her ear though she hadn’t spoken them aloud, of this she was certain.

“Her beach…”

Walking forward with such graceful languid speed she felt the dawning of magic embrace her. She knew the closer she got to the umbrella, the faster her heart beat, that something special was about to occur.

Turning her head slightly to the left a light appeared gathering form quickly. Unafraid she gazed at the apparition never blinking even though the light was immensely bright. Moving towards her faster the angel appeared. She had long curly brown hair and skin of the creamiest milky tone. Her eyes twinkled brown and her gown was made of light as opposed to being “real” material. Blinking, hesitant to believe what she saw, WHO she saw, she still reached out towards the angel as she recognized her at that moment yet was afraid that her hands would go right through her. She found as she reached her, when she opened her mouth to spill words of joy and sentiment of missing her, that no sound came out...a sign that she was meant only to listen.

The angel grasped her hands in her own with such vibrant warmth that immediately her heart began to fill overflowing almost instantly with love and joy. The angel began to speak to her as she hovered above her. Her lips moved but no sound came from them, rather the sound hovered in the air around her and about her. The words spoken were different than the words mouthed by the angel’s lips, a fact that did not startle her, but only gave her a seconds pause as she listened.

With a gentle start she realized she had heard these words before and it was these words that the angel spoke to her:

“You have a special gift. You have to get a special kind of mad to use it… The angels rescued you from the brink of death once and when they did they gave you this gift, and you must use it. They cry for you that you haven’t used it yet…but you must. Journiel, your angel, watches over you helping you, guiding you, but you must not be afraid of change. They know you’re afraid but you must not be. Never doubt this, you have a special gift given to you by angels.”

The angel squeezed her hands harder smiling gently, reaching to her and wiping ever so softly at the tears that had spilled from her eyes. Time nearly stood still in the eternal second that the two locked eyes. Love, understanding, awareness, and peace were shared in a that single connection.

The angel spoke again, this time her voice moved with her lips and she spoke directly to her… “You must go now, It is time to go back.”

The angel reached forward and embraced her in a hug of light that as soon as she touched her, dissipated in shimmering air. Nearly stumbling forward her momentum taking her so, she sat up directly on the couch where she had been sitting before.

Blinking trying to get reacquainted with the setting in which she found herself, slowly she became aware that her pain had subsided tremendously and that her mother’s prayers had stopped… When they did, she did not know, her sense of time had been lost to her.

She asked aloud “Did you finish your rosary?”

“Yes honey, I did… How do you feel?” her mother replied.

Haltingly she spoke unsure if she should reveal what she had seen and experience. Deciding against it, she simply said

“Strangely, I feel better. Not 100%, but better. I think I’m going to be okay now…”

©SKW

"When you talk, you repeat what you already know; when you listen,you often learn something."~ Jarren Sparks

Leaving, on a fast train... don't know when I'll be back again *Story included*

"I never plucked a star from heaven before…"

The words echoed against my mind as I watched your form heading away from me and out of my life. My heart hitched in my throat and a tear stealthily crept down my cheek. I was sad, yes but I was somewhere in between sadness and acceptance. This split, this departure…was a mutual agreement. We had said our good-byes to our romance, and with solid hugs and warm whispers vowed we would return, kindling the fire of our friendship. Well, after we healed of course.

Why is it I have to wonder, that we torture ourselves with echoes of the past when faced with the present. I could hear the past clinging to my ear. In quieted moments of sharing, I could “feel” the breath against my ear as you whispered in the waning sun of the day so long ago…

“For my whole life I’ve wondered what my purpose in this world was”

Your voice so smooth, full of love came to me haunting me. The memory filled up my current space and without warning I became surrounded by the hotel room where those very words had been spoken. I watched the scene happen…again.

I looked up and into those brown eyes swimming with love for me, and smiled softly in the fading afternoon sun.

“What’s that sweetheart” I managed to whisper.

I knew the next words, not in my mind but in my heart. I knew them as if I had penned the masterpiece of love right there on parchment. Signed, sealed, delivered… I knew them.

“When I met you, I knew you were the one. I knew without a doubt that I wanted to be a part of something greater in life. That greater “thing” that part of greatness, was being a part of you.”

I couldn’t help but watch your lips move as you spoke your poetry to my soul. Your arms slid around me softly, and soon I was close to your body breathing in the essence of your soul as the words fell tumbling from your lips.

“I know now, that everything I’ve ever done was leading to this… this moment. This moment where I understand what “greatness” is.”

Leaning down slightly to kiss me, your hair fell forward into your face tickling my nose. I smiled and kissed back pressing against those lips I knew so well.

As we separated, I opened my mouth to speak and you put your finger over it silencing me without a word being spoken. Your gaze never wavering, you slipped to one knee causing my heart to jump into my throat as if it had been practicing that perfect jump for ages.

“This moment, Selene, this “greatness” that I speak of, this purpose in my life…”

I watched a tear slip down your face and I very nearly bent down to hug you and tell you I know love, I feel it too. But I stayed firm my heart yearning, my eyes disbelieving. This, I had NOT expected.

“This can only be achieved when I am with you. Your heart is the home that I’ve sought to live in forever. Your body is the temple I wish to worship with every fiber of my being, forever. Your mind is the knowledge I wish to continue to learn, forever. Your fires of passion can light a thousand torches, including the ones to my heart...and I want to light them, forever “

Your hand found mine, and mute I could only swallow, my throat dry to attempt to release the heart I held in my throat, back to my chest.

“I want to be there for you, live with you, learn from you, make love to you, be in love with you, be angry with you, be happy with you, sad with you, all of it…”

Your words ran together as your heart spoke now, spilling it’s secrets tumbling them over the edge and I couldn’t help it, I finally knelt too so we were face to face. This time it was time for my finger to cover your mouth and with a soft sigh, I looked down at the floor composing my thoughts.

“I …” my words faltered for a moment and I felt your finger under my chin, lifting my face gently. Looking up into your warm smile I knew it was ok. I knew that no matter what I was safe and I would…could… share this with you.

“I always knew what love was because I live in it. I always knew that it needed to be shared because it takes two.” Smiling at you I continued.

“But I never knew how to make love with another beyond the physical aspect. I never knew that “completeness” until you came into my life and patiently tended to my wounds while I fought you. Valiantly fighting for my sanity when I fell into the pit of despair. My hero even in this modern age coming to rescue me when I told you, harshly I might add, that I didn’t “NEED” you.”

I leaned forward our faces mere inches apart, “But I know now that without you, I am only one half. I am only less than love. I’m just the vessel ready to house it. “ Reaching for you as you reached for me we kissed passionately feverishly, all at once full of longing, understanding and completion.

Breaking for one second, your breath hot on my face, your whispered words and husky voice captivating me again “Selene, my love, please give me the honor of being with you at your side for as long as we shall live.”

I broke down into tears, crying openly mumbling at first, repeating, and then finally shouting:

“yes, yes YES!”

I smiled as I cried and locked this moment into my brain. Snapshot images of the walls of the room, the bedspread, the candles, the curtains went into the database of my mind. These images I forced to be burned into my memory so that I would always have this torch along my pathway of life…

Forced back into the present, this gray dreary world, the same tears freely fell at this memory. Your back was to me as you headed away down the train platform to wait quietly for the vehicle to take you away from me. My mind was a whirl with all the moments, leading up to now. Moments of fear where we closed off becoming afraid of what the future would bring because of what life dictated we live.

I know, I know, my mind argued with itself. Its better this way isn’t it? No fear, no worries, sure … a little sadness but… My thoughts faltered and for one moment I could hear myself clearly speaking as if I had just woken up.

“What am I doing?” I whispered. Confirming my own thoughts, speaking aloud so that I may better understand I said it again. “What the HELL am I doing?”

A passerby startled at my voice looked up, and then quickly looked away muttering under his breath, his step quickening.

Finally the memory of the moment became my clarity and I understood…I got it! Somehow the heart that had been beating so hard in my body, quickened pace, and the gray clouds overhead seemed to move in time with my thoughts, revealing a blue sky that had been there all along.

“That’s it!” I said laughing aloud. “I’ve been so foolish”!

The train approached from the other end of the walkway and suddenly you looked to be so far away from me. My smile disappeared as I started walking towards you, aware that I must get to you before the train left. Your trench coat moved in the afternoon wind while you waited patiently, and as I walked, my step quickening along with my breath, the gray day became full of color…almost as if by my steps, making this conscious choice, light could be shone. I began to run, calling your name aloud startling waiting businessmen and women.

“WAIT!” My breath came ragged as I watched you step onto the platform entering the train.

I swore my legs would fall off but I used the burning pain I felt to push them to move faster.

“Please” I cried, “wait!”

10 steps, 20, 30 how many away from you I couldn’t count, but in the end I was… too many. You disappeared swiftly into the train’s interior and it slowly started to move having accepted its passengers, heading out of the station. Even still, I kept going, I knew I MUST keep going.

“Please” I whispered, my breath failing me as I tried to reserve my energy for my legs while I continued running past the blur of people staring at me.

I heard people shouting as well but paid them no mind as the train kept going, carting away the only thing that had meant anything to my heart. Finally, I began to slow down, my body screaming in agony, my heart beating so hard I feared it would burst from my chest. My tears began to flow freely and I sobbed as I watched the train move away slowly…yet just fast enough that I couldn’t catch up.

I fell to my knees, my skirt dampening in the puddle that the previous rain had left for me to fall in. My hair fell forward around my face as my hands crept up to hold my pain, trying to catch my sobs.

“I know, love… I know now that you had been there all along.” I whispered to myself unaware of the people standing next to me.

“I don’t have to be afraid of it, because you were there right beside me all…along.” I cried then full of mourning for the stupidity of the mind, overshadowing the light of the heart.

So lost was I, so overcome with tears and rampant thoughts running through my head, that I never heard the approach. I never saw your steps, but then… I felt you.

You knelt in front of me the same way you did that very sweet day when you asked for my hand and amid a crowd of onlookers some of whom also wiped tears that fell at the sight of such profound love, you opened your heart to me again. Grasping my hands in yours pulling them away from my face, you looked at my eyes.

Slowly I raised my face and my tear-drenched eyes met yours. As I sniffled and breathed deeply my body still screaming in pain, you smiled so warmly. A thousand days have been lit by that smile. A thousand dark nights have shied away from the light in that one gesture offered so innocently. A thousand heartbeats my heart did beat at the sight of you not on the train but in front of me offering me…us, this chance again. Leaning forward amid the sound of cheers and clapping your lips touched mine and a kiss of permanence you laid upon me. Sealing the letter of our love as if it were a chapter in the book of life your kiss lit fireworks in my heart and bound my love to you.

Parting slowly, my eyes still closed, resting our foreheads against each others the only words spoken, became the fine wine filling my parched soul…

“I love you my love, my life, my wife… Let’s go home”

And so it was that the chapter of life we share called “Love lost per chance found?” finished writing itself in our hearts. And just as much as in any ending that you expect but still want to be reminded of, we stood and towards the setting sun we walked wrapped in each other’s arms oblivious to anything that existed outside the realm of “us”; just as it should be.

Epilogue:
The passengers on that platform knew not the history of the events they witnessed but they ALL knew without a shadow of a doubt that love existed because they had been touched by it’s presence that day. They went home to their wives, their husbands, and their children and showered them with love because of one single expression of pure love. It can happen to you too if you open your hearts to it.

©SKW


*****
The above piece was written by me December of 2004. It seems so long ago. This piece believe it or not wont quite a few awards and got quite a few nods of appreciation. I’m glad for that, because inspiration no matter how trivial is special and the fruits of such a sharing should be seen for what they are…special.

I haven’t written like THIS in a long time. I find inspiration sometimes comes frequently but sometimes not. My muse likes to take vacations. She returned briefly for me a short while ago, but has quickly left, only her perfume I smell in her wake. A lovely scent of Jasmine, sandalwood and Lavender. She’ll be back, I’m sure, but for now at least I have her words to regale my memory with.


*****

WELL WISHES:

To Kami: Thank you for the well wishes yesterday in my rant of a blog. It meant more to me than you know *hug*. I send you love today

To Mr. S: Thanks for going out of your way to make me feel better. I wish you happiness today.

To Mr. Uber: Thank you for understanding my irritability yesterday. I know you’re nervous today because of your drive, but you’ll be fine. I’ll be right with you *smile*.

To Everyone Else: Kelli, Mr. Quiet Strength, Mr. Serenader, Dana, Beth, Kyle, Roze, Sober in the city, Shaun, Tony, FISH!, Mom, and any others I haven’t named directly. I wish you a vivid picture of the rising sun today that it should warm your heart particularly when you need it the most.
XO to all!

*****
AND REMEMBER:

If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change.
~Buddha

If music be the food...

The lights await to burn bright, to shine in my face. Dark expectation blankets the auditorium. My dress rubs against my leg the beads dragging slightly, as I shift slightly waiting for my cue. My hand reaches up nervously to tuck a stray hair behind my ear. Behind me I hear the stagehands whispering commands and the bleep of walkie-talkies. Nervously I wait…. And then the music starts. Smooth, mellow and all at once all fear drains away. I lose myself in the rhythm of the song before it even starts. All the practice, all the clarity on notes, none of it matters as the song entwines itself around my very soul. My mouth opens to sing the song as only one who’s felt the emotion can sing it. Lights turn on and the audience claps for the songstress who enchants with her voice. My lips part as each note spreads across the waiting audience. Deep inside she awakes… the one who is passion. She joins in my song and together we sing of love that has never been known. She rises up causing me the puppet, to move to her demands as she sends out her message of love. The crescendo arises and my head leans back to let the escaping cry of music escape, lowering forward after it’s release… My breathe comes shallow as I whisper the last lines and the crowd already on it’s feet applauds. The celebrations of a moment that people wish to experience wish to feel, wish to share commences. Eyes shine with tears and arms move in their haste to applaud. As the curtain falls as I raise my eyes to the crowd with a weak smile …. She has spoken, the passion known as Calliope my muse of beautiful voice. She has spoken and has been heard and this moment has been one of joy.

I had this dream years ago. I knew not whether I was famous or simply performing one number. But I knew then I was meant to sing. I’ve forgotten this dream. Today my muse reminded me… and so I sing my songs even to my audience of one. This is my passion, my dream and though it means nothing to you, it is everything to me.


Random Poetry comin atcha

Giving in to the moment my heart sways
Stuck in the daily life
My heart dances free
My soul shares the joy hearing the splendor of music
And colors bright vividly pulsate
This has spoken to me
This music moves me
And so music remains…the food of love
Shall we then… play on?
Lets…
©SKW

Quick story...

"yea so dont like get used to this or anything" the woman said from her hidden face as she fished for an item in her purse. I smiled knowing that what she was about to give me was the best thing I could ever hope for. She muttered under her breath some more and I could hear items clinking around in her bag... "Don't see as how this will help much nowadays... things being so expensive and all". Her hair greasy hung in front of her face. One could barely see past all of it, it was so thick and with her head hung down no one would ever know of her eyes if they didn't wait to see them. I had been priviledged to see them once... Somehow through that one vision I saw them and she saw my soul and a bond was forged. Strange the intricacies of life, how the web weaves us together.

"I GOT IT" she shouted with joy. "And it's all yours". She looked up from her searching, her smile showing a nearly toothless grin. Her eyes twinkled and her eyes crinkled at the corners while she held what I needed clutched tight in her hand. She leaned forward her blue eyes shining almost with a light behind them as she said "And I would only give this to you... it's my precious, my last one". She grabbed my hand and pressed the item into my palm. It was warm from the few minutes she had been holding it. Slowly I looked down at my hand and unfolded the fingers she had pressed so tightly to my palm. There ... there it was, the shiny quarter I had been seeking. It was the last in my collection that I needed. I looked up at her and smiled brightly thanking her profusely. I turned around and ran home eager to place it in my collection when all of a sudden.....



I woke up.
©SKW