real life sucks

Everyone tells us to worry about the folks online and granted we should be careful with our private information being so widely shared… but… what about those in real life that lie just as much?

See these people are worse in my opinion. They tell you one thing and some of them are such masters of disguise that they can even hide their intention from the eyes… (the windows to the soul in most cases). Then when you think one thing… you get another.

We live in a world that just doesn’t care sometimes if things don’t fit perfectly in our own vision. And if the only place I can be loved and real is online then so be it. Then I turn my back on the real world and it’s snakes, liars and thieves.

And damn all you real life people that judge by sight, goddamn you for even existing because you judge ME based on YOUR fears. You know what I say to you? Piss off. And damn me too because I can’t seem to let those that judge me go…
(Purposely edited to remove anything that people could misconstrue as something other than pure loneliness)

oh yea!

Google

So i think it works... my alienware that is... we'll see

i lost

to geography

nuff said

Choice

One of the freedoms we are given is the ability to choose. In everything we do we make choices. I too make them and I make bad ones too. All my life I've judged people in a certain situation (edited obviously for privacy). I always thought, how could you do that. I sat on my high and mighty morals and looked down saying "I would never do that".

Well it seems I've gotten a clearer perspective on how people may literally "Fall" into the environment of which I used to judge. I can no longer look down my nose at those people. I can only look back at those staring at me now and hang my head too, for I know I've done wrong.

The problem is... I'm weak as well. My psyche has been battered about for about 4 years and it's been a constant barrage of things. Job losses, Marriage loss, emotional instability. All these things contribute. And now I am alone.

I'm alone even though I'm surrounded by literally hundreds of people daily. messed up eh?

I've let myself get backed into a corner and i'm too weak to crawl out now. Everyday I gain some strength, some nerve and hopefully soon before I go totally insane I will do the one thing I need to do to cut deadweight from me that wraps itself in the disguise of l***. (again edited)

You can't say one thing and do another... You can't do one thing and expect another that you do something else with to just sit idly by. not for this long.

For Now I still have a choice, and I choose not to exert it. I've sufficiently damned myself to an existence that goes against my morals (in my opinion), and although it has the potential to be something so beautiful, will still like the elusive rare flower be among shadows and hidden.

Yea so that shit sucks hard core.

Love

*NOTE: AHA!!!!! The DSL tried to screw me yet again! But Thanks to Kyle and a little bit of morning coffee to clear away the cobwebs, the post and the random poetry and words were saved! muuaahaahh. Tak THAT you stinking DSL!


LOVE
by Roy Croft
I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.

I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.

I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.

I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.

I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good,
And more than any fate
To make me happy.

You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
...after all.

Waiting, hoping, crying, praying, wishing, living for the day that I can say these words to someone.



Random Poetry...

Mechanical heart full of bolts and screws
always consistent, beating rhythmically
Beating because it can
but waiting to beat the extra beat
of difference, of life
oil the casing, keep the parts in tune
dont let it rust or perhaps
the battery will wear out.
and it will die
©SKW

Dammit all to....

I had a whole poem going in my mind that i was going to write but after 50,000 attempts to log into my freaking blog (49,999 of which were unsuccessful) I've forgotten the poem.

Bleh


Random poetry (just a scrap of what i had in mind)

Ice water daggers touch my face
crystal coolness refreshing, revitalizing
my tired eyes feel the burn of dreams calling
even as awake I work
still lost in the depths of simplistic peace
but somehow working in the dreariness of the day

*Warning* Rant complete with cursing inside....

I sit here today at my desk so empty. I cleaned it out yesterday after yesterday’s events. I wish to god I had money because I would have quit yesterday. I would have walked out right then and there. I mean I’m hanging onto this job because they helped me get my apartment and they helped me sell my house, but it is THEY who now micro manage me and call it business. I mean in one breath they tell me how much they respect, trust and have faith in me. Then in the next breath they’re telling me I have to keep track of everything I do and how long it took, etc etc etc. I make $12/hour for Christ’s sake, could you cut me a little slack here? Then to see emails being sent around that the reason an appointment didn’t get set is because they were wanting on me to print the paperwork?!??! The documents hadn’t even been approved. Oh wait is that my job too? Approve documents, track their appointments, make sure all their paperwork is filled out because they’re lazy fucks, answer their phones, do their audits and listen while they yell because they’ve been sitting for so long cuz I’m buried, make their telemarketing calls because they have a god complex, do their implementation and take them blame when shit goes wrong because they didn’t care to provide me information and their contacts are just as bad and oh yes, can’t forget the most important one… Make the coffee in the morning. They track internet usage now, so I can’t even surf Utopia Skye which is one of the only three places I went on the internet. I could get in trouble fr posting this even but it couldn’t wait. I went home yesterday in the midst of another panic attack heart racing can’t breathe AGAIN. And you know when it started? When I got in the office. This has to change. I am sure that if I wasn’t seeking an increase in pay I could find better work that didn’t send me to my grave. This is just degrading and disgusting.. All this for $12 an hour???????

Beyond that my mother is worried for me as are a few of my friends…. At least those I’ve let in on the goings on in my life. I won’t post them here being a public forum.

I hate my job, and I’m not seeing too much else today worth anything in my life.


Random poetry...

With ear splitting noise the glass castle shatters
Still shackled to reality the little girl inside cries in her stone prison
Outside the reality called fiction crumbles away
Revealing a bleak world
With sense enough to think "what happened?"
She cries deeper sorrows for her life
Tears falling upon cold stone
While unguarded by the glass castle
Madness seeps in…
©SKW

There's more than one answer to these questions...

I love that Indigo Girls song:

I'm trying to tell you something about my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously, it's only life after all
Well darkness has a hunger that's insatiable
And lightness has a call that's hard to hear
I wrap my fear around me like a blanket
I sailed my ship of safety till I sank it, I'm crawling on your shore.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to see the doctor of philosophy
With a poster of Rasputin and a beard down to his knee
He never did marry or see a B-grade movie
He graded my performance, he said he could see through me
I spent four years prostrate to the higher mind, got my paper
And I was free.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I stopped by the bar at 3 a.m.
To seek solace in a bottle or possibly a friend
I woke up with a headache like my head against a board
Twice as cloudy as I'd been the night before
I went in seeking clarity.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

I went to the doctor, I went to the mountains
I looked to the children, I drank from the fountain
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine.

We go to the bible, we go through the workout
We read up on revival and we stand up for the lookout
There's more than one answer to these questions
pointing me in a crooked line
The less I seek my source for some definitive
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine
The closer I am to fine...

What an awesome song. I've not been a big indigo girls fan, but that song in particular struck me... always has.

So today I go to my car and note that it's freezing cold. Did you hear me? *I* was cold. that's almost unheard of. Takes me forever to warm up. I think just before I turned into the parking lot I started to warm up. I get out of my car and close the door.... And slide perfectly doing a semi half split landing on my right knee when my body realizes it can't do the splits anymore. My knee hurts so bad. It's my right knee and it is just burning right now cuz I cut the skin badly. Did I mention that yesterday I cut my left knee on my drawer at work? *sigh*

Pretty much sums up how I feel. Yesterday was good. I looked good, work even went good. I got home, got in game and it went to shit quickly. Too bad I can't say why, since this is a public place. But suffice to say that aside from game drama, the reality of my life is that the only three men in my life... all have issues that pretty much removes them from being contendors in this race we call relationships. If there was one change in one of them, perhaps it could work. But it's either not important to him, or important but not important enough to overcome fear (I hope it's just this and not contentedness, because that just would make me feel like @$#%@#!). One I think is just a lost cause (I say think because he doesn't even seem to want to learn after my telling him directly about communication and it's importance to me). I mean he can't even call me! *laughs sarcastically* and THAT'S the local one. Figures... YAY go me. And the other well there are just so many incompatibilities. It would take a *lot* of work I think to come to middle ground (not that he's not willing to see my point of view, as far as that goes he's very open, but I dont think I can handle some of the things he has going on).

So, here I am back to square one. Afraid to go anywhere because that means being away from my computer for very long, tied to the computer which has no love for me, surrounded by "friends" who love me (and I love them too) but no one here with me (And I mean not even a local friend who plays online. Someone I could just go and hang with who understands the importance of my online life to me. All my real life friends except for one wonderful woman and her family, dont get this online life of mine. So when they want to see me they want me away from the computer and they want hours with me. I mean what could we possibly talk about for hours ??? I can't think of anything. Not to mention the fact that before when we did talk for hours, we were under the influence and I dont want that anymore). Now beyond a friend, I want someone I can hug. Someone who might have an interest in me, even if just budding, that maybe I could feel special with. You know, I know I seem to obsess on this, but god dammit i *DESERVE* to be loved. I suffered 10 years in a marriage destined to go nowhere and before all the major problems surfaced that caused me to turn inward, I was devoted, caring etc. Ask anyone... Now since then and during the end of that, I did it right. I held to my vows, never straying, while he had his girlfriend and got EVERYTHING i wanted, love, a good paying job (which i might add he NEVER had while we were married, it was alwyas up to me AND I delivered). Then just after all that I get fortunate enough to meet two who think they may have it in their hearts to be with me and actually come to meet me. I dont know what happened there, but they're not here, and these are folks I got along with REALLY REALLY well. I mean one of them we used to send 5-8 emails back and forth a day. We had so much in common. The other, we talked for hours, sometimes even sleeping on the phone together because we just didn't want to hang up. That's not just idle passion or online temporary love, you know? But it wasn't enough I guess. Now i have these three and well I've just listed their issues above.

And I'm not getting any younger.

I think secretly I hoped that someone would work with me so that I felt it was ok to go beyond my past and have kids. I think that perhaps those that say I would be a good mother are right. If I can get past this shit that keeps me down (whether my own or some other issue) then yes, I think I could be... and NO i do not hear a biological clock ticking. But I do realize more so now than ever, that I'm not invincible and life isn't forever. I think as teens and 20 somethings you dont think that it could end. Or if it did it just seems so unlikely "yours" could end. In my opinion anyway. But the minute I hit 30, I realized and could see what had happened to me, what I had done, how quickly time passes me, and was able to have a little better vision of what i want.

I dont want the knight on the white horse, I want a partner, a friend, a lover. That's it. I'm not looking for riches, but security. Not fantasy but a pleasant reality where it's not a struggle to get out of bed everyday.

And lest you all think I'm some desperate freak I'll leave it at that.


Random poetry...
When we were a simple vision
a gleam in someone's eye
the whispers start
"You're beautiful, special, wondrous"
How quickly then into the harsh world
we learn that that voice of love is just a voice
life with it's callous hands holds our soft flesh
trying to mimic a hug of love
but offering sandpaper reality
grinding away at the beauty of truth
offering blinders to ease our sight
sight, that it took away
lifetimes spent seeking that voice
that whisper of beauty
that treasure hidden deep
...but I dont have a map
and i'm tired
I think i'll lie down and sleep
for the rest of my life...
©SKW

Wednesday... Hump day heh

dont feel like saying much




random poetry
words, they're just tiny letters
why then shrink in fear away from them
carry the weight a thousand stones
emotions pressed against my chest
I cannot breathe
c
l
u
t
c
h
i
n
g
my chest
breathe d......e.......e......p
Gasping they tumble out spilling secrets
overflowing the rim of the cup they rested in for so long
blah blah blah blah
running...where are they going?
running on until incoherent
truth?
I think not
they are after all, just words
©SKW

Tuesdays child was... what?

Sometimes I could write volumes and then other times I can't write a thing...


so today I can't write a thing.


Random Poetry

parallel universe; life exists
through the looking glass I peek
so happy am I smiling
reaching to hug the life I have
children, marriage, happiness
(wow I had no idea)
Sunny skies azure dreams
while rain soaks my shoulders
grey reality
wiping the glass it fogs up as I breathe
still reminders of life presently
grey.

©SKW

Valentine's day...

I had this whole thing written out and this STUPID DSL at work erased it all...

so... forget it


Thankfully i'm functioning with half a brain today and copied my random poetry.


Strike soft the match, touching the wick
feel the burn flare, the passionate twist
admire the wax, it's sculpted form
so beautiful so different than all the norm
feel the warmth of light so close
akin to that light so many call hope
tiny yet powerful in its own right
just one light to brighten my night
watching, catching my shimmering tear's journey
streaking down my face in such a hurry
in that tear rest all my hopes and dreams
these... are a few of my hidden, favorite things.
too bad then i have no one to share them with
except this little light, that would hear my wish
I know dear santa just didn't have time
to send me my true love, he had so many to find
so on this candle whispered from my heart
i offer my love issuing forth out of this dark
that it would alight on some far away shore
to bring me with haste my love forevermore
@};-
©SKW

Rainy days and Mondays Always get me down...

Heh I remembered that line from a song by the Carpenters that I've never heard fully. Strange how the mind works eh?

I hate mondays... just so you know


I also hate when I am stupid and allow myself to do stupid things like not go to bed Saturday night at ALL finally falling asleep sunday night at like 9:30 or 10. I mean really what the hell am I thinking? Not only is that bad for my body but for my emotional stability too... I had a huge blow up with someone in game who just kept pushing and pushing and saying mean things to me enough so and so many times over the past few weeks, that i've actually cried over it. Well last night he pushed me too far. Add to that my lack of sleep and you literally have a bomb of epic proportions exploding all over WoW. The end result is he is now on ignore on all of my characters... But I have to say, I pride myself on being diplomatic. I was NOT in any way shape or form diplomatic at all. i was a rabid psycho bitch foaming at the mouth throwing anger everywhere. I mean I think I let go of a TON of pent up anger. While my points in some cases were valid to him in partiulcar the minute you lose social graces and lack of consideration any validity in an arguement you have it thrown out the window. now all he'll remmber of me is that in the end I lost it like a psycho when really it was his fault to begin with. *sigh*

Another one, in a growing number of folks who will hate me.

Other than that I've met a few new folks online and had some great experiences this weekend with them, which is part of te reason I stayed up all night. You can actually get drunk in game!!! And oh my GOD did my character Silore get wasted!!! lmao. It was funny! Man my bosses are here... Have to get back to work for the man who doesn't even pay me enough to pay my rent... More later. maybe


Random poetry

When I see the glowing green lights
my mind blinks sleepy
no awareness of the day
only numb
I want to wake up from this dream
silent whispers speak
"But are you ready?"
my only answer
"no"

©SKW

Love Story - Part Deux

there is a post here, something about wednesday's child (Cant' remember the date) . For those of you actually reading my blog (har har) you might want to read that entry for this... it's like a sequel of life if you will. (Ok so a bit dramatic there but i felt like it :P)

So the man who entered my life causing many people to know me only as "love story" on a very large message board has re-entered my life. Read that post, and you'll see he swept me off my feet so damn good I didn't even realize it until two days later when I finally allowed myself to admit it. In either case he didn't call, didn't write (didn't bring me flowers *hears sappy love music*). I know I know I'm trying to be light because his actions or lack thereof really hurt me. In any event I feel like he woke me up. He woke me up right at the highest point of soaring on the clouds. I mean, I GOT IT. I knew right there how special I really was. Unfortunately he woke me right at the top let me look for a second in love's drunken stupor then promptly dropped me on my ass.

and that's a big ass....


Anyway. Three holidays later I called him once again. I dont know why. In the back of my mind I told myself that it was to tell him that you just dont do that topeople... You dont engage them in such a manner and then turn away, that I didn't know what kind of people he deals with normally but where I come from (civilized world) that's just rude. In any event, he answered. More later...

Been a long time eh?

Where to begin. I'm not even sure. Sometimes I feel my life is spiraling out of control. Other times I'm good to go. I haven't the energy to do the radio in forever.... by now folks have likely forgotten the muse at least on air. I was so sick yesterday that I didn't even do anything until at least 5pm. And for the first time ever, Twice now I've spoken the words I wish I would just die. Not since high school have I said those words. Everyday is a struggle with life for me. I dont know if I'm manic, bipolar, or just plain suffering from good old fashioned depression, but something has to give.

I know that being online so much kills me. But I also know that being online is where my friends are. I have very few friends that aren't online. I wouldn't even begin to know what to do with myself if I weren't online. And when I think of all the folks I've met because I've been online it breaks my heart to think of never talking to them or only limted conversation. I look at people my age and wonder how do they do it? And of the folks I've seen, the answer is clear... they're not online.. Or if they are they're not gaming. They're using online for email, surfing for information etc, but I guarantee you they're not using the online world as much as I do. *sigh*

Random I know... more to come later


Random poetry comin atcha


So many times I've wished to die
Using his excuse as my reason
He caused, He did, He made this
he did...but who perpetuates
Tears of azure slip down my cheek
am I really that simple to feel so lost?


(ok so that sucks but it's random what did you expect, cya)

Let's see... 4 days before christmas and all through the house

4 days before christmas and all through the house
not a creature was stirring not even a mouse
the muse was alone with her laptop and tv
while visions of poetry and love did she breathe
On tuesday she lit all her candles and prayed
"santa i stopped believing long ago,
it seems like forever and a day"
quietly whispering in the hopes she would be heard
her prayer offered up softly, every single word
"but this season dear santa as I spend it alone
I pray and I wish for a love all my own
I dont know what I would have to possibly offer
But I promise I'll do my best and together we'll prosper
If someone would just look at the heart that is me
They will know true love and forever be free
So this season dear Santa while the wind outside screams
I implore you to please give me the love of my dreams"
and with that she closed her eyes full of intent
knowing her heart's message swiftly was sent
cookies and milk she laid out in tradition
and went back to poetry posting with earnest fruition
but quietly in the back of this gentle muses mind,
she still hopes and prays for guidance divine
so children remember no matter the age
traditions and fairy tales exist to this day
who knows whether or not you may get those new toys
but share in the love of the season and you WILL know joy...

SKW

...

I can't ever seem to get enough sleep. Granted I go to bed by or afer midnight usually, but even on nights when I go to bed earlier I can't seem to wake up refreshed. I think that has a LOT to do with my emotional instability lately. That and I've been so damn sick. The messed up thing is I can never tell when I'm goin to be sick. I'm ok for the most part and then wham i'm struggling with nausea. This morning for example, I got up late (again) and had to rush around getting ready. All of a sudden I'm fighintg to not get sick too... *sigh*

The holidays are drawing ever closer and I'm spending this first one completely alone. At least before while I spent it alone for the most part, at least Rob was there or I'd go to his families or something. I didn't even decorate because my house has been torn apart on days when I soaped like made for this charity that I've been wanting to do. So I just dont feel the spirit this season.

I've been wanting to pick up Tai Chi and start practicing that. I even bought a DVD and book from Borders on how to, and the local community college has a class even for $79. The problem is my savings is below $500 now and money is getting really tight. I know.. I have the DVD but I'm not sure I'll do it right.

I'm closing one of my Star Wars Galaxies accounts in January. I've been convinced finally to try World Of Warcraft. *sigh* just what I need another online game. Secretly I kept my TSO, having renewed my subscription the very DAY it expired... I just couldn't let it go. SO I will continue to try to find ways to pay for it. I just can't get rid of it... I've tried three times now. If World of Warcraft is good, then I will be dropping Star Wars Galaxies entirely. Man I should just drop online games entirely, and just keep tso. The problem with that is he plays online gmes all the time, and no one plays TSO anymore either.

I'm feeling sad today though I wonder how much of that is tiredness. All the lifting of things in my house, cutting of soap and general busi-ness leaves me tired. I'm so tired in fact that I'm not even going to write a random poem.... how's THAT for tired.

ciao

Wax on.... Wax off.....

I knew that would get your attention *wink* heh


nothing to report even though life has me in a whirlwind of chaos lol....



Random Poetry Comin ATCHA!

I was listening quietly
once I heard a song
but each morning i struggle to hear it again
as the day moves on and on

I am listening now attentively
and what I hear is sweet
because for the first time I understand
the sound of a love filled heartbeat

not because of a person mind you
or even a place or thing
but simply because I opened my eyes
and learned the joy of giving

Joy comes from service
now I understand
this service is not servitude
but service of love, so grand...
©SKW

Poetry today

Tomorrows another day
this I tell myself.
A day for me to be yours
without a shadow of a doubt
in heavens bliss I'm yours...
I refuse to cry
even when that nagging little voice
preaches in my ear whispering of truth
no ... no... delusion is perfect
Tomorrows another day
where slowly my life seeps out
In each hug, kiss, glance more of my soul weakens
under the burden of truth
Tomorrows another day
for me to know
no matter how sweet the cake
it's bitter aftertaste tells me
that this is all a lie
tomorrow...
© SKW

All of My Tears
I remember a meadow full of green
And my heart full of peace
azure blue skies with puffy white clouds
and dreams of forever
I missed the storm clouds rolling in...
It must have been when I was lost in your eyes
and now I sit in the midst of this hurricane
dumbfounded and lost
the occasional glimpse of your eyes beckoning
but you have gone
you were here... and now you're gone
silence stands beside me as my heart pounds deafening in it's pain
i believed you...even as you said goodbye without speaking
I believed you when you carried me to the stars
Even as I fell tumbling over and over
I believed you when for two precious seconds our lips touched
and fire ravaged my soul with such longing from just a kiss
I believed your offer of love
even as the cool hand of distance settled in for permanent residence
I believed you...
damn you
©SKW

Rescheduled
words roll around inside me waiting to be spoken
my heart is weighed down by sadness
emotions churn like darkened cloudy skies
I build my dam around my approaching tears
my voice cut off unable to express the multitude of words
growing, gaining momentum
the silent scream in the back of my throat
begging for release
why are you not serious?
why?
Am I the only one who thinks that possibility should be paramount?
does this possibility of us not rate important?
i know my worth
shining like gold
and I deserve better
than to be
rescheduled...

My upper lip is strong, my lower lip trembles
the dam breaks and so begins the flood of tears.
I miss you...
© SKW

Adagio
In artists canvas the brush strokes come to life
each piece the dance
the hand reaching longing, stretching...
the partner yet to be drawn only a dream
singular strokes and linear angles softened
bring forth the secret
charcoal greys surrounded the red beating heart
hand still stretched... seeking... desiring
creative passion draws forth the partner
a million miles have been between the lovers
now separated by single strokes...
the artist scratches furiously against the canvas
driven...obsessed
when satisfaction becomes the focus
the need to finish that which the artist knows...KNOWS exists
soon the one are two and together they dance
colorful strokes of life breathed into this canvas
hands intertwine as the adagio begins
music notes float around the two and off the canvas permeating everything
soft whispers "if you know where to find me..."
rose colored life emulated in this arabesque dream
embracing, the two characters once a dream now a reality
hushed words of loves expression "say you'll be the only one..."
They live their love, live their life
from the breath of the heart...
imparting this widom
keep breathing
keep knowing
it exists...
©SKW

Foundations...

The foundation crumbles, it's weight born too long
Flaking away, pebbles of aged stone roll away
Weakening, unstable, still standing
Resovle ...
gone.....
The house of Cards
Unseen hand moves air swaying
Whispers of breathe fleeting
The eternal clock slowing while life ebbs
Toppling this madness, perfected
My hand held captive a single card grasped
But... I was placing that....
But...
I...
can't

©SKW

The Let Down

Sinking to my knees I sit
Where only a few days ago I stood on top of the world
You carried me up straight into the clouds
Heightened my senses
Out of the blue
The wind of change took me
Made me dance, twirling about
You came bearing your love
Carrying no apology, only offering
Humbled in your eyes light I sat …swept perfectly off my feet
Now, amid the dark clouds of uncertainty I sit again
Wondering if I ever could, would, should be a part of
The fairy tale
I had hoped I could be
Fairy tales are too hard to carry
Or so it seems…
You have let me down
And my heart pays the price.
©SKW