I have always allowed fun to be a part of my everyday. Laugh at just about anything, try hard to not take everything so seriously (even though I sometimes fail at this). But there are a few things that I hold most sacred.
1. Marriage
2. Honesty
Among the few I have, those are the top.
I will never understand why it is that people are more comfortable lying than telling the truth? I debated about even posting this post tonight because it's so raw right now... but this is MY journal and MY place to be honest even in public.
I am hurt tonight. Deeply hurt. I trusted someone, I trusted many and now that person joins the ranks of those people who's stories of lies remain tucked away in my library. The binding of their books dusty but well read nonetheless. Their stories and their involvement with me revisited a hundred times in an effort to understand.
It's one thing to use the online world to lie to people. Many apparently do it with no attack of conscience. But to lie to someone's face?
I had mistakenly thought that my sheild of "Cancer" would hold the liars at bay for a short time while I got my feet back under me but I was apparently delusional.
I will be taking a break for a while. Could be a day could be longer, I dont know. For now, I need to really examine how much of myself I give to total strangers, even those who wear the guise of a friend; because short of the wonderful few (you know who you are), the world online and at large is mainly comprised of liars.
And yes, I know the world is like this, it's why whenever I see someone hurt another that I simply... cry.
It sucks, and tonight it hurts but maybe tomorrow will be better.
Tonight it really hurts to have uncovered this web of lies.
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2 comments:
I know we already talked but I wanted to say that I am so, so sorry that you are going through this right now. I will never understand why some people feel the need to tell such lies to people they say they care about. I mean, really, what was the point for all of this?! I only hope you realize that for whatever reason, there was nothing you did wrong, nothing you did to deserve this treatment, this betrayal.
I don't really know what happened but it doesn't matter, someone hurt you and I'd like to give them a smack. Liars bother me so much, I don't understand that compulsion at all. I hope your heart mends soon and know that there are people who care with a true heart. We're just hard to find, like the fairies.
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