Tentatively I've started writing again. Recently I've had some inspiration and help in this endeavor. As the picture shows, everyday when I open a new tab on my browser I'm presented with a beautiful image, and an opportunity to put what I want to focus on for the day. Today, I chose "Enjoying the day".
Sometimes I come here and work out my darkness. Sometimes even when I intend to be the bearer of light those little whispers of what lurks in the corners of my mind sneak out and I look and the whole post is about some anxiety or drama.
Not today.
Today I slept in until well after 8am, having slept the whole night through. I haven't done that in ages. I woke to the sound of a name on my lips and to love in my heart. My mind woke up energized and ready to begin creating. I woke up without pain, without fear, without dread. And I realized that this has been the way of things lately. And I am grateful for it.
For a month now I've wanted to come here and post how joy in my life has manifested itself. But in the way that overwhelming emotion will do, I come here and stare at a blank page hoping my hand can accurately paint what's in my heart. And my hand is not so expressive at art as my heart is... so the page remained blank. But my heart sang and remained full.
What joy there is to be had.
To have the simple pleasure of sleep embrace me and surround me. To have love in every cell of my being. To give love to everyone I meet because for the first time in a very long time my heart is overflowing. To have no expectations of deeds, perfection, or lofty goals.... To just "BE" is an exquisite treat.
Love can be a beautiful thing. I think we, as a society, have grown afraid of it's expression. Because in that there is a naked honesty that leaves us vulnerable. But I am not afraid. That's not to say I haven't felt the nagging fears that have been my companion all my life whispering at my ear. But those are fears of me, of my body, of my experiences, not of sharing love. The love that is offered is so genuine even those whispers stand in quiet awe of that pure expression I receive daily in my heart.
I have no plans. There is no rush to "end game", there is just this moment. And when I woke this morning fully in the moment, I realized I have been blessed. And like a child whose mind begins to soak up all the goodness without the fear that chokes so many, I let myself revel in it. I played in the field of emotion laid before me. I sang silly songs and found silly pictures gushing with loves profession. And when I realized tomorrow is my birthday I came here immediately to say to you all.... Life is good. And even if this is just for a day or a month or whatever; it is good. I accept it and I reciprocate.
I love.
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