Tuesday begins; Small update

"Here is a mental treatment guaranteed to cure every ill that flesh is heir to: sit for half an hour every night and mentally forgive everyone against whom you have any ill will or antipathy." ~Charles Fillmore

~*~*~*~*~*~

Today's quote bears no resemblance to current events in my life, but it is a good one; one that many should heed as relevant.

As for me, today I'm posting that for three days short of one or two hiccups, my fever has been 99.9 or under! This is great news! I still have to see the infectious disease specialist, and I'm still waiting on my first post op screening results, but the reduction of my fever is a good thing in many ways.

I find that I'm bored a lot lately. Before the surgery, and even before that when i started to get really sick, I had no energy. I couldn't go anywhere because I was afraid of the things that "might" happen while I was out, that were beyond my control. Now after the surgery, I find that most nights I tend to go out on my balcony a lot. I do have menopausal sweats, so I go out a lot to cool off, but I also go out a lot because I have nothing to do.

The things that appealed to me before (gaming) do not appeal to me as much as they used to. Sure, they're fun, but they're back in their right perspective; a game, not life. I have such drive to continue on the course I see before me (school and such) and I have so many dreams of things I want to do. But I'm severely limited right now. Money is extremely tight (I'm still having to rely on others because of my change in work; salaried versus hourly pay) and almost anything I want to do to get started, even that first step... requires money.

I've also noticed aside from some noticeable mood swings, (Thank GOD for St. John's Wort, it truly helps me out) I've started to develop a relatively short fuse when it comes to people who annoy me. By that, I mean people I’ve had conversations with who insist upon doing the very things I've asked them not to do(like for instance, messaging me with *Huggles* repeatedly). Before, I would restrain myself and would ask them AGAIN to stop doing whatever it was that bothered me. I would still be kind and diplomatic. Now, I just find that my temper gets the best of me with respect to this more often than not. Menopause? Or standing up for myself? You decide...

I can be compassionate and full of love, don't get me wrong; but I do not need to be a doormat for people either, just because I am open and loving.

There are two bad side affects to being bored.

1. I continue to walk into the kitchen thinking I'm going to eat to stave off the boredom. And even though for the most part I’m successful as pushing this off, I must find a way to change this and soon. I've kind of hit a plateau at 30 pounds lost (so far, I haven't weighed myself today) and I have so very much more to go.

2. The frustration at not having anything to do makes me insane (lol!). Hence the emergence of the ATC's again, trying to write, etc.

Overall, today is starting as a kind of blah day. Not much going on, I'm a bit tired, my fever is low but my skin is warm to the touch, I have very little work to do, a lot of house cleaning to do, and not any fun stuff to do (not that immediately comes to mind; not until people get home from work etc).

But despite the blah day today, in some small way...I am content. I have a roof over my head, food if I want it, people I can call, strangers (& friends) who look forward to reading what I write, a job that gives me "some" money, and…

I have my life.

So whatever about this blah Tuesday, but I remain in thanks regardless for the continuation of my life.

~*~*~*~*~*~

WELL WISHES
Today I watch the snow melt under the heat of the sun and I'm reminded that even though times can be cold, the sun always comes back to warm things up. I wish for the sun to warm you up today wherever you are. May the day even if it's a "blah" day, still give you the sweet caress of a breeze on your skin, the cold scent of the season, or the warm reminder that life is beautiful, as are you.

You are a blessing to me everyday

XO
Muse