To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.~David Viscott
Prayer for Health & Healing
Dear God, I know that you created me in the perfect image and likeness of Yourself. I ask that you, Holy Spirit, and the archangel Raphael help me know and experience this health in my physical body. I am willing to release all thoughts and behaviours that create the illusion of illness and pain. I know that You are omnipresent, so therefore, You exist in every cell in my body. Please help me feel Your love in my physical body so that I can know that You cradle me in Your arms right now. Amen.
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Many thanks to Mrs. B in AZ for the above mentioned prayer. And of course thanks to DailyOm for the daily inspiration.
I have sat in front of this screen for the better part of an hour now and not known how to effectively pour my heart out onto this paper. My english language is too limited to type "light" as an emotion into a digital construct that you can all receive.
I have gone through in one day a whirlwind of emotions. Ultimately as each one passed I felt like the outsider going "uh huh, I knew that was coming" and then dismissing it with ease. There was turbulence in my heart, and in my mind... and still is. But in some ways the removal of oneself from the direct path of life is a good thing. Because then you can truly see where you are, what's important, and who your friends are.
So many people in one day have pulled together tremendously offering me such compassion and love. It was overwhelming to see... People who don't even know me are part of this group too. I just cannot fathom the outpouring of generosity in some cases (I have no insurance and still don't know what this will cost), compassion (many many hugs and love and words and private messages on the forums, voice mails on my phone, emails), and prayers (if I ever felt prayer moving through me like a current, it's now). I wish I had some way for you all to REALLY see in my heart right now and KNOW that it aches to tell you it's feelings and begs to show you just how much you've moved me.
Thank you so much for everything.
This will be a difficult journey but it will be a journey of change and right now, this moment, I believe still that change is good.
For an update (as I intend to do with this blog):
I went to the cardiologist yesterday to be cleared for surgery. My EKG came back normal and my heart is ok. And to the doctor who has never laid eyes on me, but told me that I was ok, and there was no charge, and hugged me and said he would pray for me... I thank you. In a day of absolute upheavel of emotion you really were a bright light among many that shone for me...
The next step is to get in with an oncologist to get examined to see what kind of surgery we're doing. I will be having a hysterectomy, but I dont know how much will need to be removed. (There will be plenty of blog posts that will cover the gamut of my emotions on the loss of the life giving parts of what make me a woman... for now, we will deal in the saving of life; particularly mine.)
The good news is that in 37,000 reported cases of this type of cancer yearly (staggering number isn't it?) only some 6,000 suffered any severe complications or death. Based on my cursory diagnosis I fit in the "Figo 1" category which as Mrs. Virgo and I found out means it's in its early stages and is most likely contained in the uterus. Hopefully it hasn't metastacized and gotten worse. Unfortunately we wont know that until they actually perform the surgery.
Where I sit right now is emotionally more stable than at this time yesterday, though certainly with only a tenuous grasp on reality (and a tendency to dance in the dark of depression too) and waiting for the Oncologists office to call back to set a time for the appointment.
There will be more posts on how I "feel" later, for now this one is long enough but is also...overdue. I am sorry for making you all wait for any word today, I just needed some mental health with Mrs. Virgo first.
And as to the title of "my purpose" the short version of it is... I think that should this be a routine thing for me and disappear entirely, there will be changes in my life. I think my purpose is becoming clearer and if I'm blessed with a full life to show it to you all then I will be happy. If not, then I will make the best of the time and still show it to all who would have it.
This is my promise to you (and to myself); that I will always try to live in love and know that it exists for me and pass that on to you and anyone else.
XO
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DAILY INSPIRATION
Blessed With A Purpose
Your Life's Work
Many people are committed to professions and personal endeavors they never consciously planned to pursue. They attribute the shape of their lives to circumstance, taking on roles they feel are tolerable. Each of us, however, has been blessed with a purpose. Your life's work is the assemblage of activities that allows you to express your intelligence and creativity, live in accordance with your values, and experience the profound joy of simply being yourself. Unlike traditional work, which may demand more of you than you are willing to give, life's work demands nothing but your intent and passion for that work. Yet no one is born with an understanding of the scope of their purpose. If you have drifted through life, you may feel directionless. Striving to discover your life's work can help you realize your true potential and live a more authentic, driven life.
To make this discovery, you must consider your interests in the present and the passions that moved you in the past. You may have felt attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life only to have steered away from your aspirations upon reaching adulthood. Or you may be harboring an interest as of yet unexplored. Consider what calls to you and then narrow it down. If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do so. You may be able to refine your life's work within the context of your current occupations. If you want to change the world, consider whether your skills and talents lend themselves to philanthropic work. Taking stock of your strengths, passions, beliefs, and values can help you refine your search for purpose if you don't know where to begin. Additionally, in your daily meditation, ask the universe to clarify your life's work by providing signs and be sure to pay attention.
Since life's journey is one of evolution, you may need to redefine your direction on multiple occasions throughout your lifetime. For instance, being an amazing parent can be your life's work strongly for 18 years, then perhaps you have different work to do. Your life's work may not be something you are recognized or financially compensated for, such as parenting, a beloved hobby, or a variety of other activities typically deemed inconsequential. Your love for a pursuit, however, gives it meaning. You'll know you have discovered your life's work when you wake eager to face each day and you feel good about not only what you do but also who you are.
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WELL WISHES
I can't possibly thank everyone individually who in the past day (yes it's only been a day... feels like forever) has stood by me, literally standing holding my hand. This includes the folks in game, online, offline, on the phone, in person (including the doctor who gave me an office visit for free as well as a hug and a prayer), those who think of me that don't even know me...
You have my deepest thanks, and sincerest gratitude. In return as always I wish you nothing but sun to warm your spirit, love to hold your heart, and friends to carry your heart in their hands safely as I see that I have...
You are all a blessing to me.
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AND REMEMBER:
"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." ~Dale Carnegie
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