Third Time's the charm (I know three posts in a day! O_O)

Well since I had such issues blogging today I figured after I had cooled down, laughed a little and had some chocolate... erm I mean received some elinghtenment, I thought I'd post again. This time this post is the content that's missing from my previous posts today :P

I LOVE the quote I've chosen today. Not only did a good friend give it to me, but I was able to find such a beautiful picture to go with it. It's a very good mix.

I've been busily cleaning out several rooms in my house and while I didn't get as much done last night as I wanted (turns out I had an unanticipated date with the couch, passing out there at 8:30pm), I still have cleaned out a TON. I'm moving on to the closet in my master bedroom and the closet in the second bedroom. I have to do this by this weekend so that I have as much garbage as possible ready to go because someone is coming over to take it ALLLLL out for me. *YIPEE!!*

What this means is I have been flooded recently with memories and images of things I hadn't even thought of in years. I've found drawings, writings, etc. Some good, some bad... some I wish I hadn't remembered.

We all have skeletons in our closets and even if those skeletons aren't ones WE made, they are remnants of things we experienced or shared or were a part of in some way. To go back and read the words I wrote as a 17 year old during a tumultuous time in my life sometimes makes me want to cry and other times makes me smile even with those tears. IN one of my private journals handwritten I state:

"I do not know what it is that makes me almost compelled to reach out and help others, but I just have to... Even if I'm rejected I've always felt this was what I was supposed to do...Isn't their smile worth it?"

For a time when I was 17 though, I was impacted tremendously by a series of events, the final event during this time being so impacting it nearly crippled me when I was just coming into my own. This particular event's echoes resound against my heart now, but thankfully they are just that, echoes. This skeleton is a permanent skeleton I'm afraid, but as it shakes is bones, it's hinges squeak with the rust forgottenness. Meaning, I know it's there, it's a part of me, but it doesn't affect me anymore. But reading about it again brings back the memories of just how much it affected me. Even though i am just reading the words with my adult eyes I can still hear my teenage voice speaking them.

I remember always wanting to be the strong one for people when they needed it; so much so that I often forgot about me and my needs. This was the downside of my love for people. The ability to forget myself came to easily to me and I often did forget about myself.

I can say however that at this critical time in my life, when I was 17 was a time when thankfully that when I fell people were there to hold me up. One person in particular stood out to me. She was my fighter when I couldn't yell, my shoulder when I just wanted to cry, and my heart when my spirit was broken feeding me love whenever I needed it.

Thank you mom, your help during that time was everything I needed. It's because of you that I am not crippled today over this. Thank you... *XO*