*WARNING*: /rant /sarcasm /witch alert

*****

I haven’t been sleeping too well lately, again. I am not sure why this is. I barely remember the drive into work this morning (yea, that’s a bad thing!). It’s not that I’m on the computer late at all. I’ve been logging off very early these days now. I try to sleep, going to bed right away but I just toss and turn. Don’t even suggest warm milk, I can’t drink it *BLECH*

All I know is I need to figure this out, because I spent quite a few years of my life as a zombie when I wasn’t sleeping. I won’t do that again.

Nothing new in my life to report; same job, same weight, same lack of love, same bills and financial woes.

That’s not an entirely true statement either *sigh*.

I made a promise to myself in 2004 that I wouldn’t hold back in this blog. I suppose I have to tell all.

I find as I get older that I suffer from frequent visits of the little green monster who goes by the name Jealousy. It doesn’t matter how you try to justify it, it’s still baseline jealousy. In my old age *cough*, I am having more difficult time being happy for people who get in their life, what I dream of in mine. This means, mainly love but it is not exclusive to that.

I know of several people who have met online and have had the blessing of falling in love and making a relationship work. Some of these people have age and large distance issues too but somehow they make it work. And I have…none.

I’ve tried and am still trying the online dating thing. It’s disgusting me really that people are so ignorant of other folks feelings and that 90% of the men I've met (despite my ad being EXTREMELY clear and well written) STILL persist in trying to just get laid...but I keep trying.

I just can’t get rid of the this little green monster who just wont go away. I’m jealous over a house, over a person who’s building a house because of how much it cost. Not that I want that house mind you, but because of the principal. This person shouldn’t DOESN”T deserves this happiness/ability.

I’m jealous over people’s relationships. I mean, where are these fabulous people they've found? Where can I meet them? Because online (short of the irony of whatever deity is laughing at me, throwing perfectly good folks into my lap who are perfectly TAKEN) I've yet to meet anyone online of any caliber that I would have a long term relationship with (see above online dating statement). As for the recipients of these relationships, some of these people truly deserve love (and I’m less jealous over them), but some in my mind really need to learn more lessons first (classic judgmental Virgo) and in my opinion are therefore not deserving of this beautiful thing called love & that’s when I get jealous.

I’m also upset over other things that I just wont mention here because some of these people read my blog. Sometimes just an implication through a pattern of words set can hurt people. (Purposefully vague)

God I sound like such a bitch don’t I?

I hate it when I can’t sleep.

Here’s some inspiration for you that interestingly enough is very apropos for me today. I’ll try really hard to remember this one today.

Have a wonderful day everyone, sorry to be in such a sour mood…

*****

DAILY INSPIRATION

Above The Clouds - DailyOm

The Sun Is Always Shining

There are times when gloom or darkness causes us to momentarily lose sight of the light. Although it is at these times when the thought of the sun can help us. Its warm, glowing rays brighten even our thoughts, and it's good to remember that despite appearances the sun is shining right now. We may not be able to see it at this very moment, but if clouds block our view, they are only filtering the sun's light temporarily. If darkness has fallen, we know that the sun is still shining at this very moment somewhere not too far away, and it's only a matter of time before it will shine on us again.

When we remember that the sun is still shining, we know that things are still in motion in the universe. Even if life feels like it is at a standstill, sometimes all we need to do is have faith and wait for the time when everything is in its perfect place. Or we can we can choose to follow the cues of the sun and continue doing our work and shining our light, even when we can't yet see results. In doing so we exercise our patience, making sure we are prepared when opportunity knocks and all other elements are in their right and perfect places.

The sun also reminds us that our own shining truth is never extinguished. Our light shines within us at all times, no matter what else occurs around us. Though the sun gives us daily proof of its existence, sometimes our belief in our own light requires more time. If we think back, however, we can find moments when it showed itself and trust that we will see it again. Like the sun, our light is the energy that connects us to the movements of the universe and the cycles of life and is present at all times, whether we feel its glow or not.

*****

AND REMEMBER:

Even muses can be nasty biz nitches too :P Run for the hills!