Friends are precious. xo to my friends :)

It must be the weather, but a lot of people I know seem to be feeling blue. One can’t help it I think when all you see (for the most part) is gloomy days. And for those of us not on the road of perfect happiness in life (does it really exist anyway? ;) ), the world on bleak days can seem like a documentary on the ways of having to live life alone. No sex in the city here, just no sex and well… no city. I hope that today finds some measure of happiness for folks. It’s pretty bleak outside but maybe if we concentrate on the fact that our heart beats and provides life to us, we can let it be our sun. Maybe.

*****

I find myself today thinking of the ghosts of the past. No I don’t mean people who have died, but those people who have come into my life and simply disappeared. These people have come into my life either online or offline but have made enough impact that their presence is missed when I stop to smell the roses and think of them. I wonder where their life’s journey has taken them and hope they’re well.

Most prominently on my mind this morning, is the woman I once knew as PieOhPah. That was her name in the Sims online. She used to visit the forums on utopia skye from time to time and even though she just lurked, she did occasionally post. She last posted pictures of her son that she and her partner are raising. He’s an adorable little munchkin. I was sad however, when I sent out a mass mailer and her email address came back invalid. When that happens I have to move people to the dreaded “Fell off the face of the earth” group. That group never gets another email, another reminder that hey, someone out here is thinking of you. It means less chance of seeing her again. She is a sweet person, and funny as hell. I will miss seeing her and hope that she decides to pop in from time to time just to say hi.

Which brings me to another point. I will be very diligent in not making this sound like a rant, so bear with me while I work this through. When I entered the online world, I didn’t know it at the time but it was mainly to hide. Somehow, someway and for some reason (still unknown to me) people wanted to be around me. Instead of running from that, I embraced it. I missed social interaction and while I wasn’t ready to do it in real life again, I embraced it online because I missed it. That led to so many things, the forums, the radio station, the websites, friendships, more games, the ability to laugh easily, the ability to share with people from ALL OVER, etc.

Slowly though as time moves on, it seems things are winding down. The interest level just isn’t the same anymore. No one notices the radio anymore (even though they were sad in November when I shut it down, no one listens now), barely anyone responds when I send a yahoo blast with a new post or information or a new thing that might give everyone something to enjoy, and the people who were an integral part of the creation of this machine we know as utopia skye have disappeared completely (sylph and others). I know life gets busy. I know because I’ve denied my life the ability to make me busy. I can’t avoid that much longer, but the point is I know things take us away from what we were doing. But how is it so easy for people to be a part of something that *I* think is very special in that it binds us across miles, it gives us the sight of something so beautiful (Jessie) and allows us to be part of something more than just the mundane world of work, school, etc and be able to just casually let that go.

I cannot do that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful for the friends I do have, that I’ve met because of my endeavors online. But I just can’t decide to give all my “all” to the endeavors that once were enjoyed by all, if no one wishes to be a part of them (or very few people do). I guess I just miss the interaction we had, miss the sharing we did, miss seeing people’s faces from time to time with a tale of their life (good or bad) that would at least keep us in the know. I’m sad that the message of “just take a moment and let people know you’re there and you care” is lost as life blinds people with busy-ness.

I hold people that I’m meeting and dating accountable for their level of engagement with me. Meaning I have said time and again, do not engage someone if you do not intend to at least make an effort to be around and be consistent. We’re all guilty at times of this, including me. Just come around and take 5 minutes to visit. I work hard to give things to everyone and have done so for over three years. I’m happy to do it…as long as there is someone to do it for.

*****

Well Wishes

Today I have a message of wellness for all those who’ve come into our lives, past, present and those yet to be. May your day today provide you with sunshine even through the bleakness of gray.

*****
And Remember:

The greatest gift is not found in a store nor under a tree, but in the hearts of true friends.

~ Cindy Lew