Today was the first oncologist visit. It wasn't anthing spectaculuar but it was informational which, I suppose is a good thing.
The bad news is this:
They want to take EVERYTHING out. This includes removal of the Uterus, Cervix, Ovaries, tubes, and some lymph nodes. According to the doctor this is the only way to be sure that we got it.
I'm not sure what his definition of sure is...
Removing all of the organs *may* mean I'll be ok. If when they remove them all they test them and there is no cancer, then hurrah I have no cancer, and need no chemo or radiation, but just check ups every 6 months.
HOWEVER, he's not sure at my weight if he can get all the lymph nodes and if even one of them is cancerous (which we wont know because pathology can't be worked on it) then I'm kind of screwed. If any that he gets are cancerous then even if they remove everything I will STILL need radiation and/or chemo.
Now it gets better. IF they remove everything I will have to go on hormone therapy for probably 10-15 years (i'm 34, younger than most who have this cancer). Which puts me at an increased risk for breast cancer.
GREAT! I must have missed the sign in sheet that said "No really take everything, and while you're at it, take my hair too, I didn't want to feel like a human or a woman anymore!"
Now for the good news:
If they take everything and what they do take isn't testing cancerous then I'm in the clear.
Yea... that's the ONLY good news.
~*~
It's hard to not be depressed over this. I know I should focus on the good news piece of this to stave off this depression, but it's hard folks... It is harder than you can imagine.
I could write a book on the wide range of emotions that come rolling through me at any given time but for now, i'll just tell you, I am very sad. This represents a loss to me that I could never have imagined, and would never have imagined without this happening.
I am grateful for the post on the utopia skye forums, informing everyone and setting up a fund of sorts for people to contribute. I am even more grateful for those who have posted, and those who have contributed.
On the financial end we're not sure if any of the hospitals we have been recommended to take medicaid, and the surgery last we were told would be about $20,ooo. I will also be out of work for 4 weeks. And of course if ongoing treatment is necessary...well... I just dont want to think about that yet.
Tonight is a rough night for me. I wish I had more light to give you all, because I could do with giving some out. For now I have a bottle of White Zinfandel calling me, and a bed that will try to give me the numbness of sleep soon. Perhaps...
Good night until tomorrow all, thanks for reading
xo
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Day 4; Thoughts & Expressions...
Alice came to a fork in the road."Which road do I take?" she asked."Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat."I don't know," Alice answered."Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."~Lewis Carroll
Today's Affirmation
Love is the direction I am heading in.
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. ~Rabindranath Tagore
March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path. ~Kahlil Gibran
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
~*~*~*~*~*~
The mornings are the worst. That’s the time when I wake up, look around my apartment, and know that I am broken. Like Cancer, Baby says in her post “That your body doesn’t work like everyone else’s”. (“But then I saw the donkey” –Cancer, Baby ) Then the day gets busy and life takes a hold of you. You take a shower, you drive to work numbly, and you watch the scenery go by without ever having seen a single tree… The whole time the thought in my head the only coherent one really, is: Cancer.
Then I get a phone call from a wonderful friend in Australia who lets me talk about anything I want. He lets me talk of death as if it were the real possibility that it *could* be. He lets me switch from topic to topic downshifting, turning, careening out of conversational control and he navigates that, weathering the haphazard movement like a pro. And when I’m on the phone with him, the word Cancer, the neon blinking sign I have noticed is now stamped on my forehead suddenly stops blinking; And maybe over the course of our conversation, one or two of the bulbs burn out. It’s been four days and I envision through his talking with me that perhaps the “cer” of the word is almost burnt out forming the word that everyone wants me to see “Can”. I CAN survive this, I CAN go on, I CAN think positive. It’s a slow process. But maybe it can happen. Thank you Aussie_male for making my mornings more of a trip of reality then the jarring trip of “Cancer recognition”. I know it costs you money to do this, calling me everyday, but I am grateful for your conversation and friendship.
The hardest part about this for me today, right now, this moment, is that I’ve had to fight since I’ve been diagnosed to get anyone to help treat me. The oncologist I was referred to had the nurse from hell who told me in no uncertain terms (as she put me on speakerphone in her busy office, demeaning my call by removing my privacy) that I was just a piece of shit because I didn’t have insurance. DESPITE my telling them I would pay it all upfront.
It’s been a four day battle through hell to help people who are SUPPOSED to want to help heal me to do their jobs. In the end, through persistence and help at the regular gynecologist’s office who diagnosed me, I finally got another referral. I called them at 3:30pm yesterday afternoon and after being put on hold for a few minutes was told they would REARANGE their schedule to see me today at 2:15. I’d have been happy to wait a few days, but I’m grateful for the feel of importance that this should convey. So today is my first oncologist visit where they will get my history, possibly examine me (I don’t’ know really) and try to determine what surgery may be needed. I will be consulting with another doctor simply for the second opinion as well but this will be fast.
Everyday my abdomen hurts. Sometimes it feels as if my ovaries are the drumsticks being used in a heavy metal band, pulsing out the tunes that only people would dance to in a mosh pit. Other times they talk to me in pulsing whispers as if someone were gently squeezing them making me aware of their existence. Today my insides are constantly crying out for attention, even getting my back involved in the process.
Long before I knew I would join the ranks of the folks who have cancer, and lose my naivety… Someone turned me onto a blog written by a woman known only as Cancer, Baby. I read her blog from start to finish. She is an excellent writer performing her stories of reality with the ease of a natural speaker in her words. I’ve read her blog many times even though she died in May of this year, succumbing to her cancer after a valiant fight.
Now that I have cancer, I can see so many of the things she spoke of happening around me. The death look people get in their eyes when they hear you have cancer; the indifference by some people who don’t know how to deal with it. And surprisingly the lack of caring by the medical folks who are supposed to care for you but are so burnt out from it all that sometimes they just can’t. I will refer to her posts many times over.
With respect to my recent statements of my insides crying for attention I would refer you to a rather humorous if not darkly humorous piece written by Cancer, Baby about her organs. I now realize that when I read this the first time, not only was it funny, but reading it now, it is so very true.
“They won’t leave me alone” – Cancer, Baby
I’ll keep you posted on the doctor’s visit. Thanks for the emails and well wishes. I LOVE to get them so don’t ever hesitate to send them. Take every opportunity folks to tell people you love them…
You are a blessing to me today and everyday. I love you all
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
Today I wish that you have a bright day no matter the weather. I hope that you can look in your heart whenever you need it and see me there, because that’s where I reside; in the realms of your heart. So, no matter how far away we are, I will be with you always. You just have to look.
XO
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. ~Carl jung
Today's Affirmation
Love is the direction I am heading in.
Let me not pray to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. Let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it. ~Rabindranath Tagore
March on. Do not tarry. To go forward is to move toward perfection. March on, and fear not the thorns, or the sharp stones on life's path. ~Kahlil Gibran
Learn to get in touch with silence within yourself, and know that everything in this life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from. ~ Elizabeth Kubler-Ross
~*~*~*~*~*~
The mornings are the worst. That’s the time when I wake up, look around my apartment, and know that I am broken. Like Cancer, Baby says in her post “That your body doesn’t work like everyone else’s”. (“But then I saw the donkey” –Cancer, Baby ) Then the day gets busy and life takes a hold of you. You take a shower, you drive to work numbly, and you watch the scenery go by without ever having seen a single tree… The whole time the thought in my head the only coherent one really, is: Cancer.
Then I get a phone call from a wonderful friend in Australia who lets me talk about anything I want. He lets me talk of death as if it were the real possibility that it *could* be. He lets me switch from topic to topic downshifting, turning, careening out of conversational control and he navigates that, weathering the haphazard movement like a pro. And when I’m on the phone with him, the word Cancer, the neon blinking sign I have noticed is now stamped on my forehead suddenly stops blinking; And maybe over the course of our conversation, one or two of the bulbs burn out. It’s been four days and I envision through his talking with me that perhaps the “cer” of the word is almost burnt out forming the word that everyone wants me to see “Can”. I CAN survive this, I CAN go on, I CAN think positive. It’s a slow process. But maybe it can happen. Thank you Aussie_male for making my mornings more of a trip of reality then the jarring trip of “Cancer recognition”. I know it costs you money to do this, calling me everyday, but I am grateful for your conversation and friendship.
The hardest part about this for me today, right now, this moment, is that I’ve had to fight since I’ve been diagnosed to get anyone to help treat me. The oncologist I was referred to had the nurse from hell who told me in no uncertain terms (as she put me on speakerphone in her busy office, demeaning my call by removing my privacy) that I was just a piece of shit because I didn’t have insurance. DESPITE my telling them I would pay it all upfront.
It’s been a four day battle through hell to help people who are SUPPOSED to want to help heal me to do their jobs. In the end, through persistence and help at the regular gynecologist’s office who diagnosed me, I finally got another referral. I called them at 3:30pm yesterday afternoon and after being put on hold for a few minutes was told they would REARANGE their schedule to see me today at 2:15. I’d have been happy to wait a few days, but I’m grateful for the feel of importance that this should convey. So today is my first oncologist visit where they will get my history, possibly examine me (I don’t’ know really) and try to determine what surgery may be needed. I will be consulting with another doctor simply for the second opinion as well but this will be fast.
Everyday my abdomen hurts. Sometimes it feels as if my ovaries are the drumsticks being used in a heavy metal band, pulsing out the tunes that only people would dance to in a mosh pit. Other times they talk to me in pulsing whispers as if someone were gently squeezing them making me aware of their existence. Today my insides are constantly crying out for attention, even getting my back involved in the process.
Long before I knew I would join the ranks of the folks who have cancer, and lose my naivety… Someone turned me onto a blog written by a woman known only as Cancer, Baby. I read her blog from start to finish. She is an excellent writer performing her stories of reality with the ease of a natural speaker in her words. I’ve read her blog many times even though she died in May of this year, succumbing to her cancer after a valiant fight.
Now that I have cancer, I can see so many of the things she spoke of happening around me. The death look people get in their eyes when they hear you have cancer; the indifference by some people who don’t know how to deal with it. And surprisingly the lack of caring by the medical folks who are supposed to care for you but are so burnt out from it all that sometimes they just can’t. I will refer to her posts many times over.
With respect to my recent statements of my insides crying for attention I would refer you to a rather humorous if not darkly humorous piece written by Cancer, Baby about her organs. I now realize that when I read this the first time, not only was it funny, but reading it now, it is so very true.
“They won’t leave me alone” – Cancer, Baby
I’ll keep you posted on the doctor’s visit. Thanks for the emails and well wishes. I LOVE to get them so don’t ever hesitate to send them. Take every opportunity folks to tell people you love them…
You are a blessing to me today and everyday. I love you all
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
Today I wish that you have a bright day no matter the weather. I hope that you can look in your heart whenever you need it and see me there, because that’s where I reside; in the realms of your heart. So, no matter how far away we are, I will be with you always. You just have to look.
XO
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
There are as many nights as days, and the one is just as long as the other in the year's course. Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word 'happy' would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. ~Carl jung
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
The 5 Steps of Greiving... Step 2; ANGER
I am angry today.
I am angry with the hospital system, with red tape, with people who don’t understand that despite statistics and things this is still scary! I suppose I'm angry too that I even have this cancer.
As people deal with things their own way, I’ve heard all manner of things designed to be comforting recently…
“I told everybody for you, as I know you’re emotional and would have preferred I do that”
“Well at least you have an identifiable cancer”
That last one topped the list today. Well I suppose if there is anything I have to be grateful for in this, it’s that I have an identifiable cancer. And I’m sure the person being referred to is going through hell and has my sympathies even more so now that *I* have cancer, but knowing that does NOT MAKE THIS ANY LESS SCARY.
Cancer in and of itself is scary as hell. My life is going to be forever permanently altered. I will always be looking over my shoulder (if they get it all) wondering if I will ever have a recurrence. I will always stop on occasion and see children and even in its smallest measure hear a voice in my head “Well you won’t be doing that”. And the biggest piece of this folks is that while the numbers are high for success in surgery etc, the % is only as high as SEVENTY. That means 70% of these things are successful according to statistics. That’s better than half but not nearly close to 100% as I would like.
Please for the love of my sanity instead of trying to force me to think positive, embrace that there are fears here that I have and accept them along with giving me positivity. I’m scared out of mind and the ineptitude of the people at the hospital I am supposed to go to isn't helping either!
The latest on that is I’m waiting for the nurse to call me back to schedule an appointment. It took me nearly three days to get a hold of someone (and trust me it was only at MY insistence that anyone even listened) just to tell them that their precious bill would be paid. That’s just for the consult!
Then the glorious doctor can choose whether or not she will perform the surgery on me. She can CHOOSE?! I’m sorry there are people out there that abuse the system, and I know she doesn’t know me but I am not the same as another person and to assume I am is poor judgment on her part.
I thought Doctors took an oath to heal? (and for those of you shaking your heads and saying I should understand that people need to get paid for their work, YES I agree, but to treat everyone as if they’ll screw you especially with a life threatening disease is wrong.)
As far as the first thing “Comforting” statement above… Oh really? Did I since getting diagnosed with cancer lose my ability to have the FREEDOM to choose who knows? Yes I posted it in my blog, but people I would still like to have the freedom to choose who of the people I deal with in real life knows. Getting cancer isn’t a diagnosis of lost sanity you know.
Lastly, I’m angry that I have to censor how I feel. Until I have this major surgery, I have no clue how serious this cancer is in the terms of spreading. It may be very simple, remove it and its done, but it may not. So until I know that, I’m going to be thinking of death, of planning a will, of the fact that I will be ok, the benefits of having this done, and a whole host of other things. This is HEALTHY to go through. If you do not want to hear about my sadness over it, then tell me, I’ll talk of it elsewhere, but it must be expressed along with the hope that I will be ok.
And finally for those of you who think I shouldn’t have told anyone. Well, that too was my choice. I didn’t choose to get cancer, but I do choose to surround myself with as many who people that *may* have the ability and/or desire to help me, even if just in words, person, financially etc.
~*~
Now, lest you all think I’ve turned into a raving psycho, I do want to say thank you to the people who continually support me, offer me love and well wishes. I can use all of them and look forward to being able to look back on this and say “I survived”, and know that it was largely due to all of you.
I love you my friends.
(Sorry for no inspirations, blessings, or well wishes today. It was decided at work that busier would be better for me, and as such because I’ve been so busy I haven’t found any to post here and I don’t have time to dig them up. They will resume in the next posting which may or may not be later today.)
I am angry with the hospital system, with red tape, with people who don’t understand that despite statistics and things this is still scary! I suppose I'm angry too that I even have this cancer.
As people deal with things their own way, I’ve heard all manner of things designed to be comforting recently…
“I told everybody for you, as I know you’re emotional and would have preferred I do that”
“Well at least you have an identifiable cancer”
That last one topped the list today. Well I suppose if there is anything I have to be grateful for in this, it’s that I have an identifiable cancer. And I’m sure the person being referred to is going through hell and has my sympathies even more so now that *I* have cancer, but knowing that does NOT MAKE THIS ANY LESS SCARY.
Cancer in and of itself is scary as hell. My life is going to be forever permanently altered. I will always be looking over my shoulder (if they get it all) wondering if I will ever have a recurrence. I will always stop on occasion and see children and even in its smallest measure hear a voice in my head “Well you won’t be doing that”. And the biggest piece of this folks is that while the numbers are high for success in surgery etc, the % is only as high as SEVENTY. That means 70% of these things are successful according to statistics. That’s better than half but not nearly close to 100% as I would like.
Please for the love of my sanity instead of trying to force me to think positive, embrace that there are fears here that I have and accept them along with giving me positivity. I’m scared out of mind and the ineptitude of the people at the hospital I am supposed to go to isn't helping either!
The latest on that is I’m waiting for the nurse to call me back to schedule an appointment. It took me nearly three days to get a hold of someone (and trust me it was only at MY insistence that anyone even listened) just to tell them that their precious bill would be paid. That’s just for the consult!
Then the glorious doctor can choose whether or not she will perform the surgery on me. She can CHOOSE?! I’m sorry there are people out there that abuse the system, and I know she doesn’t know me but I am not the same as another person and to assume I am is poor judgment on her part.
I thought Doctors took an oath to heal? (and for those of you shaking your heads and saying I should understand that people need to get paid for their work, YES I agree, but to treat everyone as if they’ll screw you especially with a life threatening disease is wrong.)
As far as the first thing “Comforting” statement above… Oh really? Did I since getting diagnosed with cancer lose my ability to have the FREEDOM to choose who knows? Yes I posted it in my blog, but people I would still like to have the freedom to choose who of the people I deal with in real life knows. Getting cancer isn’t a diagnosis of lost sanity you know.
Lastly, I’m angry that I have to censor how I feel. Until I have this major surgery, I have no clue how serious this cancer is in the terms of spreading. It may be very simple, remove it and its done, but it may not. So until I know that, I’m going to be thinking of death, of planning a will, of the fact that I will be ok, the benefits of having this done, and a whole host of other things. This is HEALTHY to go through. If you do not want to hear about my sadness over it, then tell me, I’ll talk of it elsewhere, but it must be expressed along with the hope that I will be ok.
And finally for those of you who think I shouldn’t have told anyone. Well, that too was my choice. I didn’t choose to get cancer, but I do choose to surround myself with as many who people that *may* have the ability and/or desire to help me, even if just in words, person, financially etc.
~*~
Now, lest you all think I’ve turned into a raving psycho, I do want to say thank you to the people who continually support me, offer me love and well wishes. I can use all of them and look forward to being able to look back on this and say “I survived”, and know that it was largely due to all of you.
I love you my friends.
(Sorry for no inspirations, blessings, or well wishes today. It was decided at work that busier would be better for me, and as such because I’ve been so busy I haven’t found any to post here and I don’t have time to dig them up. They will resume in the next posting which may or may not be later today.)
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
My heart in your hands...My purpose & lots of other things **LONG post**
To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.~David Viscott
Prayer for Health & Healing
Dear God, I know that you created me in the perfect image and likeness of Yourself. I ask that you, Holy Spirit, and the archangel Raphael help me know and experience this health in my physical body. I am willing to release all thoughts and behaviours that create the illusion of illness and pain. I know that You are omnipresent, so therefore, You exist in every cell in my body. Please help me feel Your love in my physical body so that I can know that You cradle me in Your arms right now. Amen.
~*~*~*~*~*
Many thanks to Mrs. B in AZ for the above mentioned prayer. And of course thanks to DailyOm for the daily inspiration.
I have sat in front of this screen for the better part of an hour now and not known how to effectively pour my heart out onto this paper. My english language is too limited to type "light" as an emotion into a digital construct that you can all receive.
I have gone through in one day a whirlwind of emotions. Ultimately as each one passed I felt like the outsider going "uh huh, I knew that was coming" and then dismissing it with ease. There was turbulence in my heart, and in my mind... and still is. But in some ways the removal of oneself from the direct path of life is a good thing. Because then you can truly see where you are, what's important, and who your friends are.
So many people in one day have pulled together tremendously offering me such compassion and love. It was overwhelming to see... People who don't even know me are part of this group too. I just cannot fathom the outpouring of generosity in some cases (I have no insurance and still don't know what this will cost), compassion (many many hugs and love and words and private messages on the forums, voice mails on my phone, emails), and prayers (if I ever felt prayer moving through me like a current, it's now). I wish I had some way for you all to REALLY see in my heart right now and KNOW that it aches to tell you it's feelings and begs to show you just how much you've moved me.
Thank you so much for everything.
This will be a difficult journey but it will be a journey of change and right now, this moment, I believe still that change is good.
For an update (as I intend to do with this blog):
I went to the cardiologist yesterday to be cleared for surgery. My EKG came back normal and my heart is ok. And to the doctor who has never laid eyes on me, but told me that I was ok, and there was no charge, and hugged me and said he would pray for me... I thank you. In a day of absolute upheavel of emotion you really were a bright light among many that shone for me...
The next step is to get in with an oncologist to get examined to see what kind of surgery we're doing. I will be having a hysterectomy, but I dont know how much will need to be removed. (There will be plenty of blog posts that will cover the gamut of my emotions on the loss of the life giving parts of what make me a woman... for now, we will deal in the saving of life; particularly mine.)
The good news is that in 37,000 reported cases of this type of cancer yearly (staggering number isn't it?) only some 6,000 suffered any severe complications or death. Based on my cursory diagnosis I fit in the "Figo 1" category which as Mrs. Virgo and I found out means it's in its early stages and is most likely contained in the uterus. Hopefully it hasn't metastacized and gotten worse. Unfortunately we wont know that until they actually perform the surgery.
Where I sit right now is emotionally more stable than at this time yesterday, though certainly with only a tenuous grasp on reality (and a tendency to dance in the dark of depression too) and waiting for the Oncologists office to call back to set a time for the appointment.
There will be more posts on how I "feel" later, for now this one is long enough but is also...overdue. I am sorry for making you all wait for any word today, I just needed some mental health with Mrs. Virgo first.
And as to the title of "my purpose" the short version of it is... I think that should this be a routine thing for me and disappear entirely, there will be changes in my life. I think my purpose is becoming clearer and if I'm blessed with a full life to show it to you all then I will be happy. If not, then I will make the best of the time and still show it to all who would have it.
This is my promise to you (and to myself); that I will always try to live in love and know that it exists for me and pass that on to you and anyone else.
XO
~*~*~*~*~*
DAILY INSPIRATION
Blessed With A Purpose
Your Life's Work
Many people are committed to professions and personal endeavors they never consciously planned to pursue. They attribute the shape of their lives to circumstance, taking on roles they feel are tolerable. Each of us, however, has been blessed with a purpose. Your life's work is the assemblage of activities that allows you to express your intelligence and creativity, live in accordance with your values, and experience the profound joy of simply being yourself. Unlike traditional work, which may demand more of you than you are willing to give, life's work demands nothing but your intent and passion for that work. Yet no one is born with an understanding of the scope of their purpose. If you have drifted through life, you may feel directionless. Striving to discover your life's work can help you realize your true potential and live a more authentic, driven life.
To make this discovery, you must consider your interests in the present and the passions that moved you in the past. You may have felt attracted to a certain discipline or profession throughout your young life only to have steered away from your aspirations upon reaching adulthood. Or you may be harboring an interest as of yet unexplored. Consider what calls to you and then narrow it down. If you want to work with your hands, ask yourself what work will allow you to do so. You may be able to refine your life's work within the context of your current occupations. If you want to change the world, consider whether your skills and talents lend themselves to philanthropic work. Taking stock of your strengths, passions, beliefs, and values can help you refine your search for purpose if you don't know where to begin. Additionally, in your daily meditation, ask the universe to clarify your life's work by providing signs and be sure to pay attention.
Since life's journey is one of evolution, you may need to redefine your direction on multiple occasions throughout your lifetime. For instance, being an amazing parent can be your life's work strongly for 18 years, then perhaps you have different work to do. Your life's work may not be something you are recognized or financially compensated for, such as parenting, a beloved hobby, or a variety of other activities typically deemed inconsequential. Your love for a pursuit, however, gives it meaning. You'll know you have discovered your life's work when you wake eager to face each day and you feel good about not only what you do but also who you are.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
I can't possibly thank everyone individually who in the past day (yes it's only been a day... feels like forever) has stood by me, literally standing holding my hand. This includes the folks in game, online, offline, on the phone, in person (including the doctor who gave me an office visit for free as well as a hug and a prayer), those who think of me that don't even know me...
You have my deepest thanks, and sincerest gratitude. In return as always I wish you nothing but sun to warm your spirit, love to hold your heart, and friends to carry your heart in their hands safely as I see that I have...
You are all a blessing to me.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER:
"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." ~Dale Carnegie
Monday, August 28, 2006
Update
I don't know how to write this.
I post this here because it's my place to be honest. I've been a litle not honest here by trying very hard to only post happy things as a lot of people (more than 3) come to read this. It's important to me that when people read about me or share in my life that they do not share in the depression that weighs me down quite a bit. So I post inspirations. It's therapeutic for me too in that it helps me keep positive when sometimes I get a bit down. I don't know how else to write this except to write it bluntly with as much emotion as I feel and right now, that emotion is sadness.
My biopsy results came back... I have cancer.
For those of you I've kept fairly in the dark about this, just know the official diagnosis is Endometrial Cancer. I know it's the most common type of cancer and I know that treatment if caught early and prognosis if caught early is good... but I'm scared.
I'm scared because for many years at the end of my marriage when I started to notice some abnormality with my female body I ignored it as stress, weight gain, sad heart over my failed marriage. So my fear is that it has progressed more than is treateable or will mean intense treatments.
I haven't seen the oncologist yet, i *JUST* found out about two hours ago...but I know my life is changed.
More perhaps later... but for now, whatever god, goddess, universal deity or energy you worship, please offer up a prayer for me.
Thanks
I post this here because it's my place to be honest. I've been a litle not honest here by trying very hard to only post happy things as a lot of people (more than 3) come to read this. It's important to me that when people read about me or share in my life that they do not share in the depression that weighs me down quite a bit. So I post inspirations. It's therapeutic for me too in that it helps me keep positive when sometimes I get a bit down. I don't know how else to write this except to write it bluntly with as much emotion as I feel and right now, that emotion is sadness.
My biopsy results came back... I have cancer.
For those of you I've kept fairly in the dark about this, just know the official diagnosis is Endometrial Cancer. I know it's the most common type of cancer and I know that treatment if caught early and prognosis if caught early is good... but I'm scared.
I'm scared because for many years at the end of my marriage when I started to notice some abnormality with my female body I ignored it as stress, weight gain, sad heart over my failed marriage. So my fear is that it has progressed more than is treateable or will mean intense treatments.
I haven't seen the oncologist yet, i *JUST* found out about two hours ago...but I know my life is changed.
More perhaps later... but for now, whatever god, goddess, universal deity or energy you worship, please offer up a prayer for me.
Thanks
Short, Inspirational - Monday musings...
"Imagination is the beginning of creation. You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at last you create what you will." ~George Bernard Shaw
“Most people focus on doing things as the way to make a difference. What they don't realize is that the most powerful way to make a difference doesn't require you to actually do anything at all! You start by changing YOUR world; you end up changing THE world. ~Aman Motwane
“Life begins in a welter of conditions; mere reactions to these conditions forge limitations; awareness of and conscious response to conditions produces freedom. This clarity regarding my choices enables me to return from sitting to action as a more focused, concentrated vector of knowing, empathetic life.” ~Paul R. Fleischman, M.D. ; Quote is taken from page 21 of: Karma and Chaos
Today's Affirmation
A positive attitude today will enhance the value of every experience.
~*~*~*~*~*~
This past weekend was short, but it was nice. I had a great breakfast with a friend, a lot of conversations with people; both near and far, and wine and chocolates (in moderation ;) on Sunday. Not too much of anything spectacular happening… no earth shattering event that leaves me stunned…
But I *hope* to have the test results back today.
So other than a prayerful morning, brightened even more by the happiness of a half day at work (even though I’m going to a doctors appointment it means I wont be at work so that makes me happy) I have nothing truly important to report.
Oh! I do want to apologize to Barbara! I should have told you that I do not post in any of my four blogs (yes, 4! :P) on the weekends. I only post during the week. I am so sorry for any worry I’ve caused you.
Have a wonderful day friends and send me some prayers if you do that sort of thing. If not, then good intentions will be just as perfect.
Have a BEAUTIFUL day!
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Working Through
Hard Days
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on.
If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit.
Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"Living the truth in your heart without compromise brings kindness into the world. Attempts at kindness that compromise your heart cause only sadness." ~Anonymous 18th century monk
“Most people focus on doing things as the way to make a difference. What they don't realize is that the most powerful way to make a difference doesn't require you to actually do anything at all! You start by changing YOUR world; you end up changing THE world. ~Aman Motwane
“Life begins in a welter of conditions; mere reactions to these conditions forge limitations; awareness of and conscious response to conditions produces freedom. This clarity regarding my choices enables me to return from sitting to action as a more focused, concentrated vector of knowing, empathetic life.” ~Paul R. Fleischman, M.D. ; Quote is taken from page 21 of: Karma and Chaos
Today's Affirmation
A positive attitude today will enhance the value of every experience.
~*~*~*~*~*~
This past weekend was short, but it was nice. I had a great breakfast with a friend, a lot of conversations with people; both near and far, and wine and chocolates (in moderation ;) on Sunday. Not too much of anything spectacular happening… no earth shattering event that leaves me stunned…
But I *hope* to have the test results back today.
So other than a prayerful morning, brightened even more by the happiness of a half day at work (even though I’m going to a doctors appointment it means I wont be at work so that makes me happy) I have nothing truly important to report.
Oh! I do want to apologize to Barbara! I should have told you that I do not post in any of my four blogs (yes, 4! :P) on the weekends. I only post during the week. I am so sorry for any worry I’ve caused you.
Have a wonderful day friends and send me some prayers if you do that sort of thing. If not, then good intentions will be just as perfect.
Have a BEAUTIFUL day!
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Working Through
Hard Days
We all have days that seem endlessly difficult and hard. On these days, it is as if the odds are stacked against us and we just can't get a break as one challenging situation follows another. We may feel like we're standing in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, never able to get a full breath. Sometimes it's necessary or worth it to stay in the fray and work our way through. Other times, the best idea is to go home and take the breath we need in order to carry on.
If the only choice is to get through it, a hard day can be a great teacher. It will eventually end and we can look back on it, taking pride in the stamina, courage, and ingenuity it took to hold our ground. We may also look back and see how we could have done things differently. This knowledge will be valuable when we face hard days in the future. Trust your gut as you're deciding whether to work through it, and know that sometimes a timely retreat is the best way to ensure a positive outcome. Getting space can remind us that external circumstances are not the whole picture. Once we catch our breath and re-center ourselves, we will be able to determine our next move. With a little perspective, we may even find the inner resources to change our attitude about what's happening. We may begin to see that what we saw as hardships are actually opportunities. As our attitude changes for the better, our actions and the circumstances will follow suit.
Sometimes all that's needed is a good night's sleep. No one is immune to having a hard day and these are usually the times we can learn the most. If we can find it in our hearts to examine the day, and maybe make one small change in perception, we can ease our pain and greet the next day that much wiser.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"Living the truth in your heart without compromise brings kindness into the world. Attempts at kindness that compromise your heart cause only sadness." ~Anonymous 18th century monk
Friday, August 25, 2006
Deeply Intimate Truths for the muse on love...
Just once I’d love to meet someone who fits what I need, who’s single. I’ve been fortunate (and mostly Unfortunate) to meet some folks who are perfect, but are tied down or otherwise not in the spot I need them to be at in life, in order to be with me.
I can pass on ALL the other things I want, including education, immediate goals, etc for just… this….one…..thing.
Do I sound like I am less of a woman because I want and need a partner? That’s a myth held high by those who tell you feminism means to deny who we are as women, that it means we should deny our desire or need (in some cases) for a partner. Just as some women are born (the same as men) to do certain things, I know *I* was born to give love. I was born to not just give love, but to also share it. I want to have such a beautiful relationship that I/we can accomplish many great things. I know this is possible…
I KNOW this, because I see people who have it. Granted, only a few, but they do exist and what’s more I’ve dreamt of it. I’ve dreamt of such a great and powerful love that even when faced with death I knew no fear because I knew I had love. My soul remembers that dream with perfect clarity…
But now as I get sick, and while I wait for news of possibly cancer (let’s hope it’s not), I am sad, and sometimes bitter when I talk to people who are perfect for me, but can’t or won’t ever be with me.
Don’t say ever? Why?
The future looks bleak when you’re sad, that’s why it’s called depression. Your favorite muse suffers it quite a bit; A LOT more than I let on in this blog and unfortunately until I can get back to feeling healthy again, depression it seems has been my constant companion.
In an attempt to rid myself of some of this anguish today I am listing the things I want. Perhaps it sounds like a fairy tale or the “perfect” man/partner, but the things I’m listing here are things I’ve seen in people. REAL things followed and shown to exist to me by REAL people. It’s not a far cry to say I want this for myself.
Incidentally I removed the ability for people to post comments on this post. Why? Because I don’t want to hear that I should just be happy with what I have. I don’t want to hear “oh he’ll come along, just wait”. I don’t want to hear that I’m weak because I desire this. I am simply putting my heart (and truths) out there for those who wish to read it…If you have a comment you wish to make; I do welcome them in a place where I can read them when I’m more able to hear other people’s opinions So you can comment privately by emailing me at my email address.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I want someone who knows how hard what I’m going through is, and will never tell me it’s a bit much EVEN if I ask him to tell me. I want him to know it will hurt my feelings if he says so. This is called compassion and etiquette. It’s called “when things are at their worst, opt for truth but kindly”. Quiet talk times when strength is present are much better suited for cold hard facts in my book. The person I speak of knows the difference of needing to do this, and the sometimes largely present reason to absolutely be truthful even when it hurts. It’s not an easy thing to do but it CAN BE DONE.
I want someone who loves me as I am right now, overweight, depressed, beautiful, sad, happy, all my physical issues, etc; but supports me in getting healthy knowing that *I* want this, not that he demands it.
I want someone who wants to sit with me for a bit when I get home and might even be foreword thinking enough to either cook for me or order in.
I want someone with a job who makes more than me, and can support me if I lost my job or were unable to work for any extended period of time.
I want someone who will argue with me when I’m being a selfish witch, and tell me when I’m wrong as they hug me and tell me they love me.
I want someone who will never cheat on me, who will even online tell people what I’ve been told by these few people I think are perfect for me, “I do not share my heart”. In a world where so many people jump from bed to bed, or heart to heart I want to know (as I’ve been shown that this exists) that I can have implicit trust in my partner. It’s not unfeasible, just ask the few that I’ve been confronted with who do this DAILY. These people love their partners so much that they only play game when they’re online and with them, they may have very close friends of the opposite sex but are NEVER crossing the line of that, always include their significant other in what they’re doing online, and do not share stories etc of their partner with their friends online.
I want someone with different hobbies, someone whose interests I can learn about… someone who will learn about mine and support mine as I would support theirs.
I want someone who understands there is an art form to dating, and it doesn’t mean jump in the sack right away.
I want someone who has respect for sex and intimacy and at the same time can still in the privacy of our space share a joke with me that is deeply sexual but doesn’t offend.
~*~*~*~*~*~
In return I offer those exact same things back to this person. I offer ALL of those things 100%. I don’t’ expect perfection and wont turn my nose up at someone who doesn’t have EXACTLY these qualities, but having the above is a good place to start…
Please tell me you exist… please because right now, ESPECIALLY right now I’m feeling terribly alone in this department and as more time goes on, I’m beginning to be bitter… Mom hugs, and friend hugs just aren’t enough, please bring this partner into my life or make it known that they should be in my life in that capacity if they’re already known to me.
Please…
I can pass on ALL the other things I want, including education, immediate goals, etc for just… this….one…..thing.
Do I sound like I am less of a woman because I want and need a partner? That’s a myth held high by those who tell you feminism means to deny who we are as women, that it means we should deny our desire or need (in some cases) for a partner. Just as some women are born (the same as men) to do certain things, I know *I* was born to give love. I was born to not just give love, but to also share it. I want to have such a beautiful relationship that I/we can accomplish many great things. I know this is possible…
I KNOW this, because I see people who have it. Granted, only a few, but they do exist and what’s more I’ve dreamt of it. I’ve dreamt of such a great and powerful love that even when faced with death I knew no fear because I knew I had love. My soul remembers that dream with perfect clarity…
But now as I get sick, and while I wait for news of possibly cancer (let’s hope it’s not), I am sad, and sometimes bitter when I talk to people who are perfect for me, but can’t or won’t ever be with me.
Don’t say ever? Why?
The future looks bleak when you’re sad, that’s why it’s called depression. Your favorite muse suffers it quite a bit; A LOT more than I let on in this blog and unfortunately until I can get back to feeling healthy again, depression it seems has been my constant companion.
In an attempt to rid myself of some of this anguish today I am listing the things I want. Perhaps it sounds like a fairy tale or the “perfect” man/partner, but the things I’m listing here are things I’ve seen in people. REAL things followed and shown to exist to me by REAL people. It’s not a far cry to say I want this for myself.
Incidentally I removed the ability for people to post comments on this post. Why? Because I don’t want to hear that I should just be happy with what I have. I don’t want to hear “oh he’ll come along, just wait”. I don’t want to hear that I’m weak because I desire this. I am simply putting my heart (and truths) out there for those who wish to read it…If you have a comment you wish to make; I do welcome them in a place where I can read them when I’m more able to hear other people’s opinions So you can comment privately by emailing me at my email address.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I want someone who knows how hard what I’m going through is, and will never tell me it’s a bit much EVEN if I ask him to tell me. I want him to know it will hurt my feelings if he says so. This is called compassion and etiquette. It’s called “when things are at their worst, opt for truth but kindly”. Quiet talk times when strength is present are much better suited for cold hard facts in my book. The person I speak of knows the difference of needing to do this, and the sometimes largely present reason to absolutely be truthful even when it hurts. It’s not an easy thing to do but it CAN BE DONE.
I want someone who loves me as I am right now, overweight, depressed, beautiful, sad, happy, all my physical issues, etc; but supports me in getting healthy knowing that *I* want this, not that he demands it.
I want someone who wants to sit with me for a bit when I get home and might even be foreword thinking enough to either cook for me or order in.
I want someone with a job who makes more than me, and can support me if I lost my job or were unable to work for any extended period of time.
I want someone who will argue with me when I’m being a selfish witch, and tell me when I’m wrong as they hug me and tell me they love me.
I want someone who will never cheat on me, who will even online tell people what I’ve been told by these few people I think are perfect for me, “I do not share my heart”. In a world where so many people jump from bed to bed, or heart to heart I want to know (as I’ve been shown that this exists) that I can have implicit trust in my partner. It’s not unfeasible, just ask the few that I’ve been confronted with who do this DAILY. These people love their partners so much that they only play game when they’re online and with them, they may have very close friends of the opposite sex but are NEVER crossing the line of that, always include their significant other in what they’re doing online, and do not share stories etc of their partner with their friends online.
I want someone with different hobbies, someone whose interests I can learn about… someone who will learn about mine and support mine as I would support theirs.
I want someone who understands there is an art form to dating, and it doesn’t mean jump in the sack right away.
I want someone who has respect for sex and intimacy and at the same time can still in the privacy of our space share a joke with me that is deeply sexual but doesn’t offend.
~*~*~*~*~*~
In return I offer those exact same things back to this person. I offer ALL of those things 100%. I don’t’ expect perfection and wont turn my nose up at someone who doesn’t have EXACTLY these qualities, but having the above is a good place to start…
Please tell me you exist… please because right now, ESPECIALLY right now I’m feeling terribly alone in this department and as more time goes on, I’m beginning to be bitter… Mom hugs, and friend hugs just aren’t enough, please bring this partner into my life or make it known that they should be in my life in that capacity if they’re already known to me.
Please…
Sending Love Ahead
How perfect a way to start your day? When I woke this was the first thing I read. So now, I post it for you :)
Courtesy of: DailyOM
Days Of Affirmation
Sending Love Ahead To Your Day
Upon waking, many people consider the coming day with trepidation. Because of the natural human tendency to focus on what we fear or dislike, it is easy to unwittingly send a message of unease into the future that negatively impacts the quality of your day. However, while our lives are busy and frequently replete with challenges, they are also rich with joy and experiences worth savoring. We can attract this natural bliss into our lives by starting each day with a message of love. When you send love ahead to your day, that love will manifest itself in your interpersonal interactions, your professional endeavors, and your domestic duties. Tasks and circumstances once made trying by your own anxiety are transformed by your love, and you will find yourself approaching life's subtle nuances with great affection.
Each morning, when you have cast off the fog of sleep, take several deep, grounding breaths and reaffirm the love you have for yourself. Speaking a loving, self-directed blessing aloud enables you to access and awaken the reservoir of tenderness in your soul. Before you leave the comfortable warmth of your bed, be sure to tell the universe that you are eager and ready to receive the blessings it has set aside for you. Then as you prepare to meet the day, visualize yourself first saturated by and then surrounded with a warm and soft loving light. Gradually widen the circle of this light until you are able to send it ahead into your future. If you are commuting to work, send love to the roads upon which you will drive, your fellow commuters, and your parking space. If you have colleagues who arrive at your workplace before you, send them love. Likewise, a day spent being a parent or addressing household chores can benefit from the sentiment that precedes you. Sending love ahea! d to everyone you will meet and everything you will do can ensure that your day is suffused with grace.
If you have difficulty sending love to those situations and individuals you deem particularly frustrating, consider that the warmth and tenderness you project can change your life for the better. Each morning, in sending this love, you will exercise your power to control the ambiance of your existence and to color your day with positivity.
Courtesy of: DailyOM
Days Of Affirmation
Sending Love Ahead To Your Day
Upon waking, many people consider the coming day with trepidation. Because of the natural human tendency to focus on what we fear or dislike, it is easy to unwittingly send a message of unease into the future that negatively impacts the quality of your day. However, while our lives are busy and frequently replete with challenges, they are also rich with joy and experiences worth savoring. We can attract this natural bliss into our lives by starting each day with a message of love. When you send love ahead to your day, that love will manifest itself in your interpersonal interactions, your professional endeavors, and your domestic duties. Tasks and circumstances once made trying by your own anxiety are transformed by your love, and you will find yourself approaching life's subtle nuances with great affection.
Each morning, when you have cast off the fog of sleep, take several deep, grounding breaths and reaffirm the love you have for yourself. Speaking a loving, self-directed blessing aloud enables you to access and awaken the reservoir of tenderness in your soul. Before you leave the comfortable warmth of your bed, be sure to tell the universe that you are eager and ready to receive the blessings it has set aside for you. Then as you prepare to meet the day, visualize yourself first saturated by and then surrounded with a warm and soft loving light. Gradually widen the circle of this light until you are able to send it ahead into your future. If you are commuting to work, send love to the roads upon which you will drive, your fellow commuters, and your parking space. If you have colleagues who arrive at your workplace before you, send them love. Likewise, a day spent being a parent or addressing household chores can benefit from the sentiment that precedes you. Sending love ahea! d to everyone you will meet and everything you will do can ensure that your day is suffused with grace.
If you have difficulty sending love to those situations and individuals you deem particularly frustrating, consider that the warmth and tenderness you project can change your life for the better. Each morning, in sending this love, you will exercise your power to control the ambiance of your existence and to color your day with positivity.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Citrus Martinis and White Velvet Sands
She sat on the beach, the chair she rested in holding her close. Occasional breezes rustled through the fringe on the lower part of the umbrella above her head. She held a martini glass in her hand absentmindedly, and when she stared out over the sapphire waters, she could almost see the individual sapphire stones that gave the water such crystal perfect color.
She sat alone with her thoughts while she waited for her friend to return. The book left haphazardly open but face down offered truth to her about personal success but she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to be in the balmy breeze with her drink, her friend and the sapphires.
Leaning back into the chair the embrace close enough that a lover might be jealous, she pondered recent events. While she had no hard truths, no cold facts of which she could rest her heavy heart, she wondered what was next. She was a planner, always was, but she couldn’t plan for this turn of events. And as she had done in the past, when she couldn’t plan…she went to her sanctuary which always led to her friend’s beach. Sipping the cool drink that tasted strangely like citrus water instead of liquor she peered around her swiveling her head from left to right slowly taking it all in.
This wasn’t her sanctuary; though it had been gifted to her. Strangely enough when things got at their worst she found she walked through her own sanctuary of lush green fields and forests, heading straight to the door that led to this place. The beach for miles was a white vast blanket of peaceful nothing. The air that languidly moved about was a smooth cooling touch to her warmed flesh. The water danced with the shore quietly making a gentle lapping noise and occasionally seagulls and various birds flew overhead their cries gentle & subtle instead of annoying.
Somewhere in the background she could hear people talking, though she knew with a dreamlike indifference that they were not in the present place. Only those she allowed in could ever see this place. But she knew what they spoke of in quiet whispers. She understood that direction hung in the balance as it waited for fact to present itself. The direction, possibilities and potential issues are what propelled her here to this sanctuary. She didn’t want to hear anymore…so she came to where it was quiet.
While she waited, she pondered, she mused, and devoid of the panic in that other life that had settled deeply in her bones, she thought quietly of what life had in store for her next.
In the dreamlike fragments of time, soon sleep came, whispering its words of comfort to her. The enveloping bliss was all too easy to slip into and for a few merciful hours, her glass unfinished on the table, book left turned over, she slept in peace.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I love to write. I don’t always do it well but I love to do it. Writing like singing is my expression of my soul. I wish that I had the eloquence and literary genius as some do to speak in such tones that I lull you into the world I create with ease. Some folks have a magic about their words that drapes you in its perfection without you even knowing you had left reality. Still some writers carry you slowly into their world but once there you wonder how you ever lived without it.
I am none of them (at least I think). But I DO write with passion. Every…single…thing I’ve ever written was written with passion; even the above little story. Anything I write is taken from real life experiences and translated into something more palatable sometimes or more embellished in other cases.
The above is intended to reflect the discord in which I find myself today waiting for results that may be nothing (well a little something), but could be much more than that. So I think today while I wait, and Saturday when I go to the hospital for MORE testing, and next week when I finally get the results back, I’ll write as much as possible and let my spirit run free…
Thanks for reading today. I’m glad to write it out and have a place to express it, but I am also equally glad to share it with others.
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
You are thought of, cared for, and given well wishes today just like any other day. You are already special to me…
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER:
“The most important lesson that man can learn from his life is not that there is pain in this world, but that it depends upon him to turn it into good account, that it is possible for him to transmute it into joy.” ~Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
She sat alone with her thoughts while she waited for her friend to return. The book left haphazardly open but face down offered truth to her about personal success but she didn’t care anymore. She just wanted to be in the balmy breeze with her drink, her friend and the sapphires.
Leaning back into the chair the embrace close enough that a lover might be jealous, she pondered recent events. While she had no hard truths, no cold facts of which she could rest her heavy heart, she wondered what was next. She was a planner, always was, but she couldn’t plan for this turn of events. And as she had done in the past, when she couldn’t plan…she went to her sanctuary which always led to her friend’s beach. Sipping the cool drink that tasted strangely like citrus water instead of liquor she peered around her swiveling her head from left to right slowly taking it all in.
This wasn’t her sanctuary; though it had been gifted to her. Strangely enough when things got at their worst she found she walked through her own sanctuary of lush green fields and forests, heading straight to the door that led to this place. The beach for miles was a white vast blanket of peaceful nothing. The air that languidly moved about was a smooth cooling touch to her warmed flesh. The water danced with the shore quietly making a gentle lapping noise and occasionally seagulls and various birds flew overhead their cries gentle & subtle instead of annoying.
Somewhere in the background she could hear people talking, though she knew with a dreamlike indifference that they were not in the present place. Only those she allowed in could ever see this place. But she knew what they spoke of in quiet whispers. She understood that direction hung in the balance as it waited for fact to present itself. The direction, possibilities and potential issues are what propelled her here to this sanctuary. She didn’t want to hear anymore…so she came to where it was quiet.
While she waited, she pondered, she mused, and devoid of the panic in that other life that had settled deeply in her bones, she thought quietly of what life had in store for her next.
In the dreamlike fragments of time, soon sleep came, whispering its words of comfort to her. The enveloping bliss was all too easy to slip into and for a few merciful hours, her glass unfinished on the table, book left turned over, she slept in peace.
~*~*~*~*~*~
I love to write. I don’t always do it well but I love to do it. Writing like singing is my expression of my soul. I wish that I had the eloquence and literary genius as some do to speak in such tones that I lull you into the world I create with ease. Some folks have a magic about their words that drapes you in its perfection without you even knowing you had left reality. Still some writers carry you slowly into their world but once there you wonder how you ever lived without it.
I am none of them (at least I think). But I DO write with passion. Every…single…thing I’ve ever written was written with passion; even the above little story. Anything I write is taken from real life experiences and translated into something more palatable sometimes or more embellished in other cases.
The above is intended to reflect the discord in which I find myself today waiting for results that may be nothing (well a little something), but could be much more than that. So I think today while I wait, and Saturday when I go to the hospital for MORE testing, and next week when I finally get the results back, I’ll write as much as possible and let my spirit run free…
Thanks for reading today. I’m glad to write it out and have a place to express it, but I am also equally glad to share it with others.
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
You are thought of, cared for, and given well wishes today just like any other day. You are already special to me…
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER:
“The most important lesson that man can learn from his life is not that there is pain in this world, but that it depends upon him to turn it into good account, that it is possible for him to transmute it into joy.” ~Rabindranath Tagore (1861-1941)
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
To be human... Wednesdays Musings
"While we watch the storm clouds gather and prepare for the storm, let us never forget that the sun still shines behind those dark clouds, and may somehow break through before the storm descends. I see sunshine in the real desire for peace in the hearts of humanity, even though the human family gropes toward peace blindly, not knowing the way." ~Peace Pilgrim
Quote is taken from: Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words
~*~*~*~*~*~
I’ve decided 98% on a college. The 2% is just deciding whether the studies I want to do should have a more spiritual approach to them, or a more scientific approach. I think that (and slightly money) is the last thing I have to decide.
If all goes well by December I’ll be back in school and in a number of years (not too long but long enough :P) I’ll either have a PhD in Metaphysics with several certifications in herbology as well as have the official title of Doctor of Divinity, or I’ll be a Doctor of philosophy in Natural Health with a certification in herbology but no doctor of divinity. Either way, it looks good. I’m excited.
I don’t have much to report today except that the ride into work today was lovely. The fog in some areas was so thick you couldn’t see directly ahead of you, so when you drove through it everything had this eerie smoky foggy glow. I really have to remember to keep my digital camera handy now that I’ve found it.
So for today here is the daily inspiration and a wish as always that you know peace and joy today. It’s Wednesday, middle of the week… If nothing else take comfort in that ;)
XO
Muse
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise.
Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is.
We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within us and our relationships.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER:
We are not victims of aging, sickness and death. These are part of scenery, not the seer, who is immune to any form of change. This seer is the spirit, the expression of eternal being.
~Deepak Chopra
Quote is taken from: Peace Pilgrim: Her Life and Work in Her Own Words
~*~*~*~*~*~
I’ve decided 98% on a college. The 2% is just deciding whether the studies I want to do should have a more spiritual approach to them, or a more scientific approach. I think that (and slightly money) is the last thing I have to decide.
If all goes well by December I’ll be back in school and in a number of years (not too long but long enough :P) I’ll either have a PhD in Metaphysics with several certifications in herbology as well as have the official title of Doctor of Divinity, or I’ll be a Doctor of philosophy in Natural Health with a certification in herbology but no doctor of divinity. Either way, it looks good. I’m excited.
I don’t have much to report today except that the ride into work today was lovely. The fog in some areas was so thick you couldn’t see directly ahead of you, so when you drove through it everything had this eerie smoky foggy glow. I really have to remember to keep my digital camera handy now that I’ve found it.
So for today here is the daily inspiration and a wish as always that you know peace and joy today. It’s Wednesday, middle of the week… If nothing else take comfort in that ;)
XO
Muse
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
To Be Human
Putting People On Pedestals
When we fall in love with someone or make a new friend, we sometimes see that person in a glowing light. Their good qualities dominate the foreground of our perception and their negative qualities. They just don't seem to have any. This temporary state of grace is commonly known as putting someone on a pedestal. Often times we put spiritual leaders and our gurus on pedestals. We have all done this to someone at one time or another, and as long as we remember that no one is actually "perfect," the pedestal phase of a relationship can be enjoyed for what it is-a phase. It's when we actually believe our own projection that troubles arise.
Everyone has problems, flaws, and blind spots, just as we do. When we entertain the illusion that someone is perfect, we don't allow them room to be human, so when they make an error in judgment or act in contradiction to our idea of perfection, we become disillusioned. We may get angry or distance ourselves in response. In the end, they are not to blame for the fact that we idealized them. Granted, they may have enjoyed seeing themselves as perfect through our eyes, but we are the ones who chose to believe an illusion. If you go through this process enough times, you learn that no one is perfect. We are all a combination of divine and human qualities and we all struggle. When we treat the people we love with this awareness, we actually allow for a much greater intimacy than when we held them aloft on an airy throne. The moment you see through your idealized projection is the moment you begin to see your loved one as he or she truly is.
We cannot truly connect with a person when we idealize them. In life, there are no pedestals-we are all walking on the same ground together. When we realize this, we can own our own divinity and our humanity. This is the key to balance and wholeness within us and our relationships.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER:
We are not victims of aging, sickness and death. These are part of scenery, not the seer, who is immune to any form of change. This seer is the spirit, the expression of eternal being.
~Deepak Chopra
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Love & Light Within
There was once a wise woman traveling in the mountains who found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and she opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw the precious stone and asked if she might give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But only a few days later he came back to return the stone to the woman who had given it to him.
"I've been thinking," He said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I'm giving it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. I want you to give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone." -Author Unknown
Sometimes in our continual drive to get ahead, we forget that the those things we gather around us, no matter how precious they might seem, pale in comparison to the love and light we hold within.
May you be Blessed today; Courtesy of Kate Nowak
"I've been thinking," He said, "I know how valuable the stone is, but I'm giving it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. I want you to give me what you have within you that enabled you to give me the stone." -Author Unknown
Sometimes in our continual drive to get ahead, we forget that the those things we gather around us, no matter how precious they might seem, pale in comparison to the love and light we hold within.
May you be Blessed today; Courtesy of Kate Nowak
Happiness in Dreams & Poetry
“Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I - I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
~Robert Frost
Painting is just another way of keeping a diary. ~Pablo Picasso
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. ~Henry J. Kaiser
~*~*~*~*~*~
I wrote a poem today for Poetry Thursday. I contribute monthly to this blog. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share and read poetry from authors all over the world.
The piece I wrote was one written this morning and includes things I had thought of on my way into the office today. But even though I’m my own worst critic, I have to say even still, I could have probably done better. I love the message of the piece don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not saying what I wanted it to as eloquently as it could. Anyway, I would welcome critiques (it’s ok to tell me it rocks too! :P)
I am truly blessed today for so many people that inspire me in my life. Particularly two people I want to mention this morning. Mrs. Virgo and BB in New York (referred to her before as Shauns Barbara :P). Man these two really know how to light up your soul and put fire into your words.
I’ve been so mired down in health issues as of late I can see how it’s easy to lose sight of life and goals and what not. An update (if you’re interested) on the health end. I do not have diabetes, and kidney and liver functions are normal (yay!). The bad news is my white blood cell count is still high and some inflammatory tests came back abnormal. So I have some more testing to do. It kills me to think of the costs of this… I have no insurance. I wont get on that right now.
Anyway, even though I have all this going on about me, I’ve decided to focus on the positive again. As you saw yesterday I spoke of school, and as of today I’ve *almost* got it narrowed down. I’ve decided that if I go the traditional MSW (Masters Social Work) route, the only reason I’d be doing so is to have behind me the credibility that people who are not used to or do not like change, would need to accept me. That defeats the whole reason I’m IN school to begin with. I’m in to make a difference and to find fulfillment in myself, not to succumb to societal acceptance in any form.
So I’ve decided to pursue the alternative degrees, either 1. PhD in Metaphysics and Doctor of Divinity or 2. Doctor of Philosophy in Natural Health with an emphasis in herbology, aromatherapy, and animal companion wellness.
My goal is to eventually own a wellness center or be part of it’s creation. A place where body, mind, spirit can be healed and you can infuse your spirit with such things as retreats for women, massage, and wellness courses (like cooking, nutrition, stress management, etc). I know the idea isn’t new, but this one is mine and that makes it special to me.
My whole point is that today I send a special thank you to Mrs. Virgo and BB in New York for their openness, acceptance and support of this dream. Just being able to express it freely made my light shine and I needed that.
Today I hope that you find inspiration in anything. Inspiration is the food of the soul, and I hope you find it in ABUNDANCE. Be inspired! Live! And feel joy!
Happy day to everyone!
Muse
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Today’s inspirations are quotes from Care2.com, may they bring you joy and peace:
The heart is the hub of all sacred places. Go there and roam in it.--Sri Nityananda
Dalai Lama Quotes on PeaceCollected with gratitude by the Editors of Guidance for Body, Mind, and Spirit.
Has there ever been a time when the world was not in turmoil? There are no Good Old Days. All we have is the present moment, in which to change ourselves.
In the face of unbearable world tension, many of us turn to the wise words of the Dalai Lama for inspiration and guidance. Here are his thoughts about becoming peace:
All forms of violence, especially war, are totally unacceptable as means to settle disputes between and among nations, groups and persons.
Nonviolence does not mean that we remain indifferent to a problem. On the contrary, it is important to be fully engaged. However, we must behave in a way that does not benefit us alone. We must not harm the interests of others. Nonviolence therefore is not merely the absence of violence. It involves a sense of compassion and caring. It is almost a manifestation of compassion.
Anyone who practices the Dharma has a duty to do battle with the enemy--negative emotions.
It is worth reminding ourselves that what brings us the greatest joy and satisfaction in life are those actions we undertake out of concern for others. Indeed we can go further. For whereas the fundamental questions of human existence, such as why we are here, where we are going, and whether the universe had a beginning, have each elicited different responses in different philosophical traditions, it is self-evident that a generous heart and wholesome actions lead to greater peace.
Internal peace is an essential first step to achieving peace in the world. How do you cultivate it? It's very simple. In the first place by realizing clearly that all mankind is one, that human beings in every country are members of one and the same family.
The antidote to hatred in the heart, the source of violence, is tolerance. Tolerance is an important virtue of bodhisattvas--it enables you to refrain from reacting angrily to the harm inflicted on you by others. You could call this practice "inner disarmament," in that a well-developed tolerance makes you free from the compulsion to counterattack. For the same reason, we also call tolerance the "best armor," since it protects you from being conquered by hatred itself.
If we looked down at the world from space, we would not see any demarcations of national boundaries. We would simply see one small planet, just one.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
~Mahatma Gandhi
and I - I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
~Robert Frost
Painting is just another way of keeping a diary. ~Pablo Picasso
When your work speaks for itself, don't interrupt. ~Henry J. Kaiser
~*~*~*~*~*~
I wrote a poem today for Poetry Thursday. I contribute monthly to this blog. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to share and read poetry from authors all over the world.
The piece I wrote was one written this morning and includes things I had thought of on my way into the office today. But even though I’m my own worst critic, I have to say even still, I could have probably done better. I love the message of the piece don’t get me wrong, but it’s just not saying what I wanted it to as eloquently as it could. Anyway, I would welcome critiques (it’s ok to tell me it rocks too! :P)
I am truly blessed today for so many people that inspire me in my life. Particularly two people I want to mention this morning. Mrs. Virgo and BB in New York (referred to her before as Shauns Barbara :P). Man these two really know how to light up your soul and put fire into your words.
I’ve been so mired down in health issues as of late I can see how it’s easy to lose sight of life and goals and what not. An update (if you’re interested) on the health end. I do not have diabetes, and kidney and liver functions are normal (yay!). The bad news is my white blood cell count is still high and some inflammatory tests came back abnormal. So I have some more testing to do. It kills me to think of the costs of this… I have no insurance. I wont get on that right now.
Anyway, even though I have all this going on about me, I’ve decided to focus on the positive again. As you saw yesterday I spoke of school, and as of today I’ve *almost* got it narrowed down. I’ve decided that if I go the traditional MSW (Masters Social Work) route, the only reason I’d be doing so is to have behind me the credibility that people who are not used to or do not like change, would need to accept me. That defeats the whole reason I’m IN school to begin with. I’m in to make a difference and to find fulfillment in myself, not to succumb to societal acceptance in any form.
So I’ve decided to pursue the alternative degrees, either 1. PhD in Metaphysics and Doctor of Divinity or 2. Doctor of Philosophy in Natural Health with an emphasis in herbology, aromatherapy, and animal companion wellness.
My goal is to eventually own a wellness center or be part of it’s creation. A place where body, mind, spirit can be healed and you can infuse your spirit with such things as retreats for women, massage, and wellness courses (like cooking, nutrition, stress management, etc). I know the idea isn’t new, but this one is mine and that makes it special to me.
My whole point is that today I send a special thank you to Mrs. Virgo and BB in New York for their openness, acceptance and support of this dream. Just being able to express it freely made my light shine and I needed that.
Today I hope that you find inspiration in anything. Inspiration is the food of the soul, and I hope you find it in ABUNDANCE. Be inspired! Live! And feel joy!
Happy day to everyone!
Muse
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Today’s inspirations are quotes from Care2.com, may they bring you joy and peace:
The heart is the hub of all sacred places. Go there and roam in it.--Sri Nityananda
Dalai Lama Quotes on PeaceCollected with gratitude by the Editors of Guidance for Body, Mind, and Spirit.
Has there ever been a time when the world was not in turmoil? There are no Good Old Days. All we have is the present moment, in which to change ourselves.
In the face of unbearable world tension, many of us turn to the wise words of the Dalai Lama for inspiration and guidance. Here are his thoughts about becoming peace:
All forms of violence, especially war, are totally unacceptable as means to settle disputes between and among nations, groups and persons.
Nonviolence does not mean that we remain indifferent to a problem. On the contrary, it is important to be fully engaged. However, we must behave in a way that does not benefit us alone. We must not harm the interests of others. Nonviolence therefore is not merely the absence of violence. It involves a sense of compassion and caring. It is almost a manifestation of compassion.
Anyone who practices the Dharma has a duty to do battle with the enemy--negative emotions.
It is worth reminding ourselves that what brings us the greatest joy and satisfaction in life are those actions we undertake out of concern for others. Indeed we can go further. For whereas the fundamental questions of human existence, such as why we are here, where we are going, and whether the universe had a beginning, have each elicited different responses in different philosophical traditions, it is self-evident that a generous heart and wholesome actions lead to greater peace.
Internal peace is an essential first step to achieving peace in the world. How do you cultivate it? It's very simple. In the first place by realizing clearly that all mankind is one, that human beings in every country are members of one and the same family.
The antidote to hatred in the heart, the source of violence, is tolerance. Tolerance is an important virtue of bodhisattvas--it enables you to refrain from reacting angrily to the harm inflicted on you by others. You could call this practice "inner disarmament," in that a well-developed tolerance makes you free from the compulsion to counterattack. For the same reason, we also call tolerance the "best armor," since it protects you from being conquered by hatred itself.
If we looked down at the world from space, we would not see any demarcations of national boundaries. We would simply see one small planet, just one.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.
~Mahatma Gandhi
The Message of Time (For my Poetry Thursday submission on time)
Time so precious rings in my ears
Each tick deafening
Each tock silencing
Measured by my breaths
I hear each heartbeat
Steady, marching, consistent
I wonder with curiosity how long it has
When the thief of life comes stealthily in
Will I have enough time?
Each day we go about our lives
Unaware, perhaps ignorant
It can’t happen to me! Some say…
But the thief of life cares not who you are
It has no knowledge of your accomplishments
Are you listening?
Tick, tock goes the clock
Be grateful for each moment
View it as the gift you get everyday
Complete with the wrapping of angels
Handed down to you with love
The thief of life cannot compete with it
The light within
The one defense our souls have
Is love
Hold it tight…
Wield it with ferocity
And share with all who will listen.
©SKW
Each tick deafening
Each tock silencing
Measured by my breaths
I hear each heartbeat
Steady, marching, consistent
I wonder with curiosity how long it has
When the thief of life comes stealthily in
Will I have enough time?
Each day we go about our lives
Unaware, perhaps ignorant
It can’t happen to me! Some say…
But the thief of life cares not who you are
It has no knowledge of your accomplishments
Are you listening?
Tick, tock goes the clock
Be grateful for each moment
View it as the gift you get everyday
Complete with the wrapping of angels
Handed down to you with love
The thief of life cannot compete with it
The light within
The one defense our souls have
Is love
Hold it tight…
Wield it with ferocity
And share with all who will listen.
©SKW
Monday, August 21, 2006
Love always wins... A heartfelt blessing for you
Every morning, I am greeted with love from a stranger. I’m given inspiration from someone I don’t even know. She greets me by name and tells me every single day, that I am a blessing to her. I have quoted her before, but this post is *just* hers. Here’s the blessing she sent me today, that I now send to you. It’s free and all I expect from it is a smile back from you.
~Muse
~*~*~*~*~*~
Here is today's heartfelt blessing:
"When I despair, I remember that all through history, the ways of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and, for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall. Think of it...always."~Mahatma Ghandi
Often, when we are in the midst of turmoil, and all around us is spinning out of control, it is difficult to believe the storms of life will ever pass. In such times as this, we can, it seems, do nothing but tie a knot in the end of our rope and hang on. And this is all we need to do. We need only to hang on to love, hang on to light and hang on to truth. For when the storm has passed – and they always do -- these three will remain, as strong and certain and invincible as they have been since time began. As Ghandi said, love always wins.
And until next time...Know that you are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to me.
May your day be filled with all things good,
Kate
Today's heartfelt blessing may be accessed on-line here
The May You Be Blessed movie is available for viewing here
If you are not a subscriber to the daily version of Heartfelt Blessings but would like to be, you may subscribe here
The day before Tuesday
It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power. ~ Alan Cohen
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~ Anais Nin
The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. ~Edwin H. Friedman
~*~*~*~*~*~
I've come to discover with more certainty than I normally understand, that I hate my job. I hate it so much that on Sunday nights, around 8pm I begin to get sick. I've watched this trend with a growing concern hoping that I was wrong. But without fail, every Sunday night around 8pm or so my stomach begins to hurt. I have no clue what to do about this, as I have BEEN trying to remedy this to no avail.
Part of this could be that Mrs. NotThoughtful has been on vacation for almost two weeks , but part of it too could be the stress over not having insurance, not getting paid what I think I should (don't even ASK how I got my raise... ok ok well I'll tell you, CRONY decided how much I should get), etc.
Who likes to work? not me. At least not in telecommunications, not anymore. I used to like it. The fast pace, the environment. Now it's nothing but a game of how much crap one can take. Trust me you dont want me to rant on this...
So I've been investigating school again. I've always wanted to do counseling, and was even a psychology major in College before I stupidly dropped out to get married to someone who never intended to hold his end of the promise that I go back and finish.
I'm faced with money issues (majorly) so I'm considering an alternative bachelors. Meaning, not a traditional go to college, sit in classes type of degree but a bachelors nontheless.
1. I've been considering Holistic Theology which blends spirituality with cunseling. My only concern is that I do not want to do something that is focused on one religion. I would hope to counsel people of all religions, therefore my focus would need to be spirituality (which I'm ok with, but I dont know if the degree focuses on one thing).
2. The second degree I'm considering is Philosophy or Naturopathy with a twist of metaphysics. This is probably my most selfish choice in that the philosphy piece focuses on some psychology models I'm used to, naturopathy works with herbs and natural remedies for things (but would require enormous amounts of math and such I would think) and metaphysics covers all the things I'm interested in now.
3. The third that I'm considering is a traditional MSW (masters in social work). I would have to go to a traditional school and take classes which may prove difficult for me.
The bottom line is in order that they're listed, is how much they would cost. In other words #1 would be the cheapest for a bachelors at $3100 for the program. Number 2 $8600 (give or take some electives) and number 3 well, more than I can think of. Also the first two would take two years to complete, 3 years of intern and then if I wanted I could open a private practice (my goal). The third would take 8 years. I'm 34 nearly 35... I would like to be in my own practice long before I'm ready to retire.
So this is my thought process this morning. That and trying to not get sick so I can go to this job that ails me so. But I suppose the idea of school is a pipe dream... I doubt I could even get financing.
Well one can hope right? :)
Here's to hope today folks, may it grace your dreams and make the impossible quite real for you.
Have a wonderful day!
xo
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
A Life Of Learning
Earth School
Life is the province of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence. As we traverse the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in earth school, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life's lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges. There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences.
Earth school provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face. When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way. The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in earth school can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed. When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed.
Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending earth school is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
“When Aesop’s jumpy hare was bested by the plodding tortoise, the great master of fable wrote “Slow and steady wins the race.” Yet, with our culture’s insatiable hunger for the faster, flashier, and more glamorous, we tend to forget that success is most often built brick by brick, in a slow and consistent fashion. This truth may not be as sexy, but it works every time!” ~Greg Barrette
Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death. ~ Anais Nin
The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. ~Edwin H. Friedman
~*~*~*~*~*~
I've come to discover with more certainty than I normally understand, that I hate my job. I hate it so much that on Sunday nights, around 8pm I begin to get sick. I've watched this trend with a growing concern hoping that I was wrong. But without fail, every Sunday night around 8pm or so my stomach begins to hurt. I have no clue what to do about this, as I have BEEN trying to remedy this to no avail.
Part of this could be that Mrs. NotThoughtful has been on vacation for almost two weeks , but part of it too could be the stress over not having insurance, not getting paid what I think I should (don't even ASK how I got my raise... ok ok well I'll tell you, CRONY decided how much I should get), etc.
Who likes to work? not me. At least not in telecommunications, not anymore. I used to like it. The fast pace, the environment. Now it's nothing but a game of how much crap one can take. Trust me you dont want me to rant on this...
So I've been investigating school again. I've always wanted to do counseling, and was even a psychology major in College before I stupidly dropped out to get married to someone who never intended to hold his end of the promise that I go back and finish.
I'm faced with money issues (majorly) so I'm considering an alternative bachelors. Meaning, not a traditional go to college, sit in classes type of degree but a bachelors nontheless.
1. I've been considering Holistic Theology which blends spirituality with cunseling. My only concern is that I do not want to do something that is focused on one religion. I would hope to counsel people of all religions, therefore my focus would need to be spirituality (which I'm ok with, but I dont know if the degree focuses on one thing).
2. The second degree I'm considering is Philosophy or Naturopathy with a twist of metaphysics. This is probably my most selfish choice in that the philosphy piece focuses on some psychology models I'm used to, naturopathy works with herbs and natural remedies for things (but would require enormous amounts of math and such I would think) and metaphysics covers all the things I'm interested in now.
3. The third that I'm considering is a traditional MSW (masters in social work). I would have to go to a traditional school and take classes which may prove difficult for me.
The bottom line is in order that they're listed, is how much they would cost. In other words #1 would be the cheapest for a bachelors at $3100 for the program. Number 2 $8600 (give or take some electives) and number 3 well, more than I can think of. Also the first two would take two years to complete, 3 years of intern and then if I wanted I could open a private practice (my goal). The third would take 8 years. I'm 34 nearly 35... I would like to be in my own practice long before I'm ready to retire.
So this is my thought process this morning. That and trying to not get sick so I can go to this job that ails me so. But I suppose the idea of school is a pipe dream... I doubt I could even get financing.
Well one can hope right? :)
Here's to hope today folks, may it grace your dreams and make the impossible quite real for you.
Have a wonderful day!
xo
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
A Life Of Learning
Earth School
Life is the province of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence. As we traverse the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in earth school, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life's lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges. There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences.
Earth school provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face. When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way. The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in earth school can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed. When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed.
Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending earth school is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
“When Aesop’s jumpy hare was bested by the plodding tortoise, the great master of fable wrote “Slow and steady wins the race.” Yet, with our culture’s insatiable hunger for the faster, flashier, and more glamorous, we tend to forget that success is most often built brick by brick, in a slow and consistent fashion. This truth may not be as sexy, but it works every time!” ~Greg Barrette
Friday, August 18, 2006
You Raise me Up...
When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
There is no life - no life without its hunger;
Each restless heart beats so imperfectly;
But when you come and I am filled with wonder,
Sometimes, I think I glimpse eternity.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
Secret Garden – You Raise Me Up
~*~*~*~*~*~
It was one of those mornings again, where music was my companion. This time the music I played transported me to a theater where I was on stage. And in the audience (packed of course) were the people that I knew had supported me through many things in life. Back from when I was a child all the way up until the very present.
I stood on the stage in my gown of white satin, complete with little tiny stars of light. My hair was up and had little jasmine flowers tucked into it in various places. Behind me on the stage were several large canvases where I had created an image of each of the people I wanted to highlight during the song.
The stage was dark, as the strains of the violin began softly. With each new note sung by those cords one of the pictures I had created was illuminated behind me in an arc framing me so I stood in the center. You could have heard a pin drop it was so hushed in the theater. The air held that quivering moment of expectation about it; where you know that something magical is about to happen.
And when the song began with the first words “When I am down, and oh my soul so weary”, a single tear slipped down my face and my voice cracked ever so quietly. I looked at the wooden planks of the theater stage and composed my thoughts, because there would be time for tears of joy later. Now was the time for the gift that I had inside me, the gift of my voice, to echo against the farthest walls of the theater. It was my time to show the world with tones that rang clearly in their chests with every breath I took that with every fiber of my being I was grateful for their support.
When the second line began strength had entered my spirit and I looked up into the audience half darkened by the minimal light, yet each person shining with their own inner light. I caught the eyes of the people I wanted to sing to and in turn looked at each one my voice growing stronger with every glance at them as they looked on in support, love, and joy for me.
Halfway through the song as my voice became so loud and my notes swelled with the emotion I was to express, The lights came up behind the images which were slowly moved to the side to reveal the choir behind me that waited to sing the crescendo of the song with me. And for the last two verses of this song, the voices, intesnsity, emotions overlapped so beautifully it could move the most hardened heart to tears. Indeed, I am certain there wasn’t a person for miles that wasn’t overcome with a sense of wonder at the purest expression of love carried on the notes of a muse’s song.
“I am strong, when I am on your shoulders… You raise me up to more than I can be”.
As I looked into the audience, the darkness shimmered through the end of the notes and my breath came deeply as tears flowed freely in gratitude, joy, and accomplishment. I stood this way for a moment basking in the perfection of this moment.
The darkness of the theater dissolved into the grey daylight of the morning and I was back again, driving on my way into the office. A smile found its way to my face as I knew that a very large intention, had been spoken through my song (yes I sang full force in my car), a powerful emotion had been expressed (and there were tears), and was being carried from that very moment to all who would listen (and I wished so very hard that ALL would hear it straight from my heart, that they would SEE the light coming from my heart and be warmed by it.).
Today I have only love and thankfulness for those in my life who have made a difference in it (no matter how large or small). Your love, your words, your hugs, whatever you offer is what fills me with such love that I can sing with my heart to you, in purity.
Have a wonderful Friday everyone, big hugs to you all.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES, BLESSINGS, and INTENTIONS
May you today be aware of those who have supported you, even in just thought, and may you send them your gratitude today and every day. And I’m going to steal Kate Nowak’s line from her Heartfelt Blessings…
Until tomorrow know you are a cherished blessing to me…
XO
~*~*~*~*~*
AND REMEMBER:
"Many times people stay in places they don't like because they are afraid to move. Staying in the same place because of fear and apprehension is like living on a hamster wheel. Step off the hamster wheel by flowing with the changes in your life. Be it a mental or physical change, flow with it."~Ron Rathbun
Quote is taken from page 51 of: The Way Is Within; A Spiritual Journey
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Enthusiasm and Love
"We act as though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life, when all that we need to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about." ~Charles Kingsley
My first thoughts are that I should not let people down, that I should support them and love them. ~Princess Diana
The be-all and end-all of life should not be to get rich, but to enrich the world. ~B.C. Forbes
~*~*~*~*~*~
I try very hard not to let people down. I try to be happier than I am sometimes, not just because of the fact that I don’t want people to see me sad, but also too, to help myself not be so sad. But I know that seeing someone’s face light up after I’ve done what I said I would, or somehow given them something they can grasp onto in their time of need (even if it’s just a hug) makes me feel so incredibly good.
I don’t do this in the real world. Meaning when I’m out (which isn’t often) I have a much harder time at doing this. Mainly because most people are driven by the societal tendencies of media hyped values. They look at me and see a fat woman, never mind that I would have given them such light if they would have let me. I do not care the color of skin, your past, or anything else, when I attempt to offer you some lightness in your day; but I am human, I am easily hurt, and therefore am guarded.
It’s easier to be open and sharing in a positive way in real life when you feel you have something to offer. When the very sight of you makes people either feel pity for you, or just not care to see you because you represent something they wish to not acknowledge, it’s harder to be open.
I have low self esteem (I’m sure you got that already ;)), but I do have a sense of self. I know that my face is beautiful. I know that my heart shines very much so and I WILL it so shine brightly pulsing like a lighthouse beacon guiding those to me who need comfort. But I know that 90% of society looks at the wrapping first and some pass judgment before allowing the rest to be viewed.
I want so badly to be exactly like Princess Diana says in her quote up above. But it’s hard.
I have some issues that I have to deal with lately. I’m awaiting the results of my tests from yesterday and I have another doctor’s visit on the 23rd for more tests. Once I get the results I’ll know more, but ALONGSIDE those tests and any resultant issues I may have from them… I have another very real issue. I must tend to it and all I ask of anyone is that if they wish to support anyone who struggles with anything to be open minded, thoughtful and receptive to the different journey someone else may be on that you may not understand.
If we can do that for each other, I think we can ALL be exactly like Princess Diana states in her quote; both supportive and loving. That’s what I endeavor to do today. I renew my effort even with my fears and sensitivities, to be more supportive and loving of people in the real world.
May I have thick skin for those on a different path who do not receive my smile or kind words well.
May I have enough strength to reach above what I suffer to help others.
May I learn to love myself as I extend my love to others too.
This is my hope today for me and as well for you.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES, INTENTIONS, & BLESSINGS
Supplied today from a local nondenominational church where I live, Called Renaissance Unity. Here is today’s blessing, wish, affirmation for you all. May you be in love with life!
XO
Today's Affirmation
I am in love with Life!
Today's Meditation
Mother/Father/Everything God,
Enthusiasm flows effortlessly as I clearly and consistently live the Truth of my being:
~I am Your child;
~I am created in and after Your likeness;
~You have shared Everything with me;
~Love is my lesson, my gift and my path;
~Every element of my life is working together perfectly;
~I am one with All that is;
~Everyone is my sibling;
~You love us all!
I surrender myself to You.
Holy, holy, holy -- is all of Your creation.
Amen
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
As you begin to understand the immense power and love you hold inside, you will find an unending surge of joy, light and love that will nourish and support you all the days of your life.
~Susan Jeffers
My first thoughts are that I should not let people down, that I should support them and love them. ~Princess Diana
The be-all and end-all of life should not be to get rich, but to enrich the world. ~B.C. Forbes
~*~*~*~*~*~
I try very hard not to let people down. I try to be happier than I am sometimes, not just because of the fact that I don’t want people to see me sad, but also too, to help myself not be so sad. But I know that seeing someone’s face light up after I’ve done what I said I would, or somehow given them something they can grasp onto in their time of need (even if it’s just a hug) makes me feel so incredibly good.
I don’t do this in the real world. Meaning when I’m out (which isn’t often) I have a much harder time at doing this. Mainly because most people are driven by the societal tendencies of media hyped values. They look at me and see a fat woman, never mind that I would have given them such light if they would have let me. I do not care the color of skin, your past, or anything else, when I attempt to offer you some lightness in your day; but I am human, I am easily hurt, and therefore am guarded.
It’s easier to be open and sharing in a positive way in real life when you feel you have something to offer. When the very sight of you makes people either feel pity for you, or just not care to see you because you represent something they wish to not acknowledge, it’s harder to be open.
I have low self esteem (I’m sure you got that already ;)), but I do have a sense of self. I know that my face is beautiful. I know that my heart shines very much so and I WILL it so shine brightly pulsing like a lighthouse beacon guiding those to me who need comfort. But I know that 90% of society looks at the wrapping first and some pass judgment before allowing the rest to be viewed.
I want so badly to be exactly like Princess Diana says in her quote up above. But it’s hard.
I have some issues that I have to deal with lately. I’m awaiting the results of my tests from yesterday and I have another doctor’s visit on the 23rd for more tests. Once I get the results I’ll know more, but ALONGSIDE those tests and any resultant issues I may have from them… I have another very real issue. I must tend to it and all I ask of anyone is that if they wish to support anyone who struggles with anything to be open minded, thoughtful and receptive to the different journey someone else may be on that you may not understand.
If we can do that for each other, I think we can ALL be exactly like Princess Diana states in her quote; both supportive and loving. That’s what I endeavor to do today. I renew my effort even with my fears and sensitivities, to be more supportive and loving of people in the real world.
May I have thick skin for those on a different path who do not receive my smile or kind words well.
May I have enough strength to reach above what I suffer to help others.
May I learn to love myself as I extend my love to others too.
This is my hope today for me and as well for you.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES, INTENTIONS, & BLESSINGS
Supplied today from a local nondenominational church where I live, Called Renaissance Unity. Here is today’s blessing, wish, affirmation for you all. May you be in love with life!
XO
Today's Affirmation
I am in love with Life!
Today's Meditation
Mother/Father/Everything God,
Enthusiasm flows effortlessly as I clearly and consistently live the Truth of my being:
~I am Your child;
~I am created in and after Your likeness;
~You have shared Everything with me;
~Love is my lesson, my gift and my path;
~Every element of my life is working together perfectly;
~I am one with All that is;
~Everyone is my sibling;
~You love us all!
I surrender myself to You.
Holy, holy, holy -- is all of Your creation.
Amen
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
As you begin to understand the immense power and love you hold inside, you will find an unending surge of joy, light and love that will nourish and support you all the days of your life.
~Susan Jeffers
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Present, Positive Thoughts...
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new.~Albert Einstein
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it that you can. ~Danny Kaye
~*~*~*~*~*~
I have this problem a lot. (Referring to the italicized quote as my personal quote of the day). I live a lot in the past especially the past that I have found is good.
Mainly I’ve always remembered only the bad things in my life. Ask me about all the BAD things that happened to me as a child and I can recite most of them to you without hesitation. Ask me about the good things in life even in the past or recent past, and I tend to get blurry. So when I do remember a good thing that’s happened I try to hold onto it, and sometimes live too much in it.
The present right now for me is not the best place I find myself in. I’m not well (healthy), I’m not wealthy, I’m not happy (sometimes). We all go through this, and it’s far too easy for me to feel all alone in these feelings. Through this blog, through these affirmations, through any means possible I endeavor to change the way I’ve been thinking my whole life. I think in some measure it’s working. My glass seems to be a bit more full then I ever thought it was at a casual glance. But I still fail too.
I still remember with fondness certain emotions of the past, I still wish sometimes I could just go back and do something over again. It’s easy to fall into those thoughts when you feel that the present really doesn’t hold much charm for you.
So today, I will try to focus on the positives of the present. This will be hard, trust me, because today is the day for my doctors appointment. Today I’m working with Crony and I’m probably going to be just as busy as yesterday. But I think this is a good day to do this, BECAUSE of these things. So let’s hope I can focus on today, keep positive, and go home tonight the winner instead of going home with a headache
Wish me luck!
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Coming Out Of Hiding
Isolation
There are times in our lives when withdrawing from our social obligations and taking some time to be alone is necessary to rejuvenate our energy and renew our connection to ourselves. However, there are also times when withdrawal is a red flag, indicating an underlying sense of depression or some other problem. We may not even have consciously decided to isolate ourselves but wake up one day to find that we have been spending most of our time alone. Perhaps it's been a long time since friends who used to call have given up. Without anyone inviting us out, we sink deeper into alienation.
The longer our isolation lasts, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. It is as if we have failed to exercise a particular muscle, and now it is so weak we don't know how to use it. Yet, in order to return to a healthy, balanced state of being, that's exactly what we need to do. If you find yourself in this situation, call an understanding friend who will listen to you with compassion, not a defensive friend who may have taken your withdrawal personally. The last thing you need is to be chided; a negative response could intensity your isolation. If you don't have a kind friend you can rely on, call a spiritual counselor or therapist. They may be able to help you determine the underlying cause of your isolation and help you find your way out of it.
When you've been in a pattern of secluding yourself, it can begin to seem impossible that you could reenter the world of friendships, conversations, and group activities, but with time, you will. Most people will understand if you take the time to explain that you've fallen out of touch and would like to reconnect. Take your time and be gentle with yourself, starting with one person and building from there. Try to reach out to one new person every week. Before you know it, you will find yourself back in the company of friends.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES, INTENTIONS, & BLESSINGS
Today I wish that you all find good health, good friends, good times awaiting you at every turn. Through this whole day if fear, negativity or doubt seeks you, may you find the strength to push past it and be surrounded by beauty. Beauty attracts beauty and you are all BEAUTIFUL.
XO
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"All the doors that lead inward to the sacred peace of the Most High are doors outwards--out of self, out of smallness, out of wrong."~George MacDonald
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~ Buddha
Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it that you can. ~Danny Kaye
~*~*~*~*~*~
I have this problem a lot. (Referring to the italicized quote as my personal quote of the day). I live a lot in the past especially the past that I have found is good.
Mainly I’ve always remembered only the bad things in my life. Ask me about all the BAD things that happened to me as a child and I can recite most of them to you without hesitation. Ask me about the good things in life even in the past or recent past, and I tend to get blurry. So when I do remember a good thing that’s happened I try to hold onto it, and sometimes live too much in it.
The present right now for me is not the best place I find myself in. I’m not well (healthy), I’m not wealthy, I’m not happy (sometimes). We all go through this, and it’s far too easy for me to feel all alone in these feelings. Through this blog, through these affirmations, through any means possible I endeavor to change the way I’ve been thinking my whole life. I think in some measure it’s working. My glass seems to be a bit more full then I ever thought it was at a casual glance. But I still fail too.
I still remember with fondness certain emotions of the past, I still wish sometimes I could just go back and do something over again. It’s easy to fall into those thoughts when you feel that the present really doesn’t hold much charm for you.
So today, I will try to focus on the positives of the present. This will be hard, trust me, because today is the day for my doctors appointment. Today I’m working with Crony and I’m probably going to be just as busy as yesterday. But I think this is a good day to do this, BECAUSE of these things. So let’s hope I can focus on today, keep positive, and go home tonight the winner instead of going home with a headache
Wish me luck!
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Coming Out Of Hiding
Isolation
There are times in our lives when withdrawing from our social obligations and taking some time to be alone is necessary to rejuvenate our energy and renew our connection to ourselves. However, there are also times when withdrawal is a red flag, indicating an underlying sense of depression or some other problem. We may not even have consciously decided to isolate ourselves but wake up one day to find that we have been spending most of our time alone. Perhaps it's been a long time since friends who used to call have given up. Without anyone inviting us out, we sink deeper into alienation.
The longer our isolation lasts, the harder it becomes to reach out to people. It is as if we have failed to exercise a particular muscle, and now it is so weak we don't know how to use it. Yet, in order to return to a healthy, balanced state of being, that's exactly what we need to do. If you find yourself in this situation, call an understanding friend who will listen to you with compassion, not a defensive friend who may have taken your withdrawal personally. The last thing you need is to be chided; a negative response could intensity your isolation. If you don't have a kind friend you can rely on, call a spiritual counselor or therapist. They may be able to help you determine the underlying cause of your isolation and help you find your way out of it.
When you've been in a pattern of secluding yourself, it can begin to seem impossible that you could reenter the world of friendships, conversations, and group activities, but with time, you will. Most people will understand if you take the time to explain that you've fallen out of touch and would like to reconnect. Take your time and be gentle with yourself, starting with one person and building from there. Try to reach out to one new person every week. Before you know it, you will find yourself back in the company of friends.
~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES, INTENTIONS, & BLESSINGS
Today I wish that you all find good health, good friends, good times awaiting you at every turn. Through this whole day if fear, negativity or doubt seeks you, may you find the strength to push past it and be surrounded by beauty. Beauty attracts beauty and you are all BEAUTIFUL.
XO
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"All the doors that lead inward to the sacred peace of the Most High are doors outwards--out of self, out of smallness, out of wrong."~George MacDonald
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Serenity Shared (For Poetry Thursday, a Reprisal of an old poem of mine)
Serenity Shared
I had a dream of crystal blue waters
Cool to the touch
Warm grains of sand running through my fingers
Warmth of love and joy
Shared with you
Under the umbrella we sit
Time knowing no home in our sharing
In our realm of peace
The place we call home in our hearts
Known already by us
Glasses clink merrily against the backdrop of trees
And laughter is heard
The private joke
Twinkling in our eyes
Together we sit
The setting sun washing the sky in colors so vivid
We are moved in quiet repose
Thankful for energy of each other
Silently wishing on that very sunset
That this moment will never end
The stars twinkle brightly against the dark sky
In hushed tones we share secrets
Share private space
And complete our day by ending it the way we began
Together in love
©SKW
I needed this prettiness today. My day hasn't been the best so this was fitting for me :)
I had a dream of crystal blue waters
Cool to the touch
Warm grains of sand running through my fingers
Warmth of love and joy
Shared with you
Under the umbrella we sit
Time knowing no home in our sharing
In our realm of peace
The place we call home in our hearts
Known already by us
Glasses clink merrily against the backdrop of trees
And laughter is heard
The private joke
Twinkling in our eyes
Together we sit
The setting sun washing the sky in colors so vivid
We are moved in quiet repose
Thankful for energy of each other
Silently wishing on that very sunset
That this moment will never end
The stars twinkle brightly against the dark sky
In hushed tones we share secrets
Share private space
And complete our day by ending it the way we began
Together in love
©SKW
I needed this prettiness today. My day hasn't been the best so this was fitting for me :)
Tuesday's Muse was RANTING
I started this post at 8am. It’s nearly 10am and as much as I’ve tried to avoid this, my mood has taken a steep nosedive this morning in the short span of 2 hours. I will keep my rant to a minimum but it is a rant unfortunately. I might post later ….
Ok, I couldn’t resist. A SMALL rant. When I arrived in the office this morning I had 17 emails to be tended to. All were urgent and all needed stuff done IMMEDIATELY. Now I ask you, how the HELL can that be done?
Then on top of that there are several things in here for products and orders I have NO CLUE how to do. Mrs. NotThoughtful (my new name for my boss), didn’t think to train me on these things hoping that in the two weeks she would be gone on her 4,000th vacation of the year, that nothing would come up. Well congratulations dear, Mrs. NotThoughtful, I think you might just have won the Darwin award for corporate stupidity, because as Mr. Murphy says… “Anything that can go wrong… WILL”.
Now I have people screaming at me for orders, screaming at me because their service can’t be moved in 7 days, and orders that I have no clue how to do that are all rejected and must be re-sent. It’s a busy, stressful day and serves as a reminder (for many other reasons that just stated here, do not think me going off on a tangent for no reason) as to why I need to be out of here.
Wish me well in getting out and into something that doesn’t make my heart race… soon.
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Different Ways of Navigating
We're All in the Same Boat
We're all in the same boat. We just have different paddles, and perhaps we find ourselves on different rivers. We all live in human bodies. These are the vehicles in which we move through our world. We are all made of flesh, blood, and bone, with brains, hearts, and lungs to power us. Our paddles-the tools we use to move through the world-vary, as do the bodies of water-the environments-in which we find ourselves.
Some of us use our high IQs to get where we want to go. Some of use our smiles, others use kindness, a gift with language, or athletic ability. Some of these qualities we were born with and others are skills we have learned. Considering this metaphor in light of your own life can be very enlightening. What tools are you using to get from point A to point B in your life? Chances are, you and the people you know have used many different tools in various combinations throughout your lives to get where you needed to go. Just as with oars or paddles, a balanced approach is best. If you rely too much on one thing, like beauty, to open doors, you fail to be well-rounded and you may eventually lose your equilibrium. And if you lose that one quality, you have no paddle at all. This is inspiration to develop multiple tools to navigate your world.
Some of us may be moving along paths that are like rushing rivers; others may be on a large, still lake. We have all felt, at one time or another, tossed about on a stormy ocean. Through all this, we are never really alone, even though it might seem that way. There is inspiration all around us in the form of other people making their way through the world, in the very same boat. Remember to look around you for role models, companionship, and encouragement.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
Fears, indecision, and frustration feed on words. Without words they usually stop. . . . Words are at times good for looking back, but they are confining when I need to act in the present.
~Hugh Prather
Ok, I couldn’t resist. A SMALL rant. When I arrived in the office this morning I had 17 emails to be tended to. All were urgent and all needed stuff done IMMEDIATELY. Now I ask you, how the HELL can that be done?
Then on top of that there are several things in here for products and orders I have NO CLUE how to do. Mrs. NotThoughtful (my new name for my boss), didn’t think to train me on these things hoping that in the two weeks she would be gone on her 4,000th vacation of the year, that nothing would come up. Well congratulations dear, Mrs. NotThoughtful, I think you might just have won the Darwin award for corporate stupidity, because as Mr. Murphy says… “Anything that can go wrong… WILL”.
Now I have people screaming at me for orders, screaming at me because their service can’t be moved in 7 days, and orders that I have no clue how to do that are all rejected and must be re-sent. It’s a busy, stressful day and serves as a reminder (for many other reasons that just stated here, do not think me going off on a tangent for no reason) as to why I need to be out of here.
Wish me well in getting out and into something that doesn’t make my heart race… soon.
~*~*~*~*~*~
DAILY INSPIRATION
Different Ways of Navigating
We're All in the Same Boat
We're all in the same boat. We just have different paddles, and perhaps we find ourselves on different rivers. We all live in human bodies. These are the vehicles in which we move through our world. We are all made of flesh, blood, and bone, with brains, hearts, and lungs to power us. Our paddles-the tools we use to move through the world-vary, as do the bodies of water-the environments-in which we find ourselves.
Some of us use our high IQs to get where we want to go. Some of use our smiles, others use kindness, a gift with language, or athletic ability. Some of these qualities we were born with and others are skills we have learned. Considering this metaphor in light of your own life can be very enlightening. What tools are you using to get from point A to point B in your life? Chances are, you and the people you know have used many different tools in various combinations throughout your lives to get where you needed to go. Just as with oars or paddles, a balanced approach is best. If you rely too much on one thing, like beauty, to open doors, you fail to be well-rounded and you may eventually lose your equilibrium. And if you lose that one quality, you have no paddle at all. This is inspiration to develop multiple tools to navigate your world.
Some of us may be moving along paths that are like rushing rivers; others may be on a large, still lake. We have all felt, at one time or another, tossed about on a stormy ocean. Through all this, we are never really alone, even though it might seem that way. There is inspiration all around us in the form of other people making their way through the world, in the very same boat. Remember to look around you for role models, companionship, and encouragement.
~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
Fears, indecision, and frustration feed on words. Without words they usually stop. . . . Words are at times good for looking back, but they are confining when I need to act in the present.
~Hugh Prather
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