All you ever wanted to know about...muse (LONG POST)

All about me (found on Birth Data)

For reference before you begin reading, some definitions:

Golden Number: A number showing the year of the lunar or Metonic cycle. It is reckoned from 1 to 19, and is so called from having formerly been written in the calendar in gold.

Epact Number: The moon's age at the beginning of the calendar year, or the number of days by which the last new moon has preceded the beginning of the year.

The Life Path Number: The Life Path is the sum of the birth date. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The most important number that will be discussed here is your Life Path number. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

Julian date: The number of days since noon 4713 BC January 1.

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And now on to the good stuff (eerily right):

21 September 1971
~Your date of conception was on or about 29 December 1970 which was a Tuesday.
~You were born on a Tuesday under the astrological sign Virgo.
~Your Life path number is 3.
~Life Path Compatibility:You are most compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 3, 6 & 9.
~You should get along well with those with the Life Path numbers 1, 2, 5 & 11.
~You are least compatible with those with the Life Path numbers 4, 7, 8 & 22.
~The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2441215.5.
~The golden number for 1971 is 15.
~The epact number for 1971 is 3.
~The year 1971 was not a leap year.

~Your birthday falls into the Chinese year beginning 1/27/1971 and ending 2/14/1972.
~You were born in the Chinese year of the Pig.
~Your Native American Zodiac sign is Bear; your plant is Violets.
~You were born in the Egyptian month of Hathys, the third month of the season of Poret (Emergence - Fertile soil).
~Your date of birth on the Hebrew calendar is 2 Tishri 5732.
~Or if you were born after sundown then the date is 3 Tishri 5732.
~The Mayan Calendar long count date of your birthday is 12.17.18.2.11 which is12 baktun 17 katun 18 tun 2 uinal 11 kin
~The Hijra (Islamic Calendar) date of your birth is Tuesday, 30 Rajab 1391 (1391-7-30).
~The date of Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 11 April 1971.
~The date of Orthodox Easter on your birth year was Sunday, 18 April 1971.
~The date of Ash Wednesday (the first day of Lent) on your birth year was Wednesday 24 February 1971.
~The date of Whitsun (Pentecost Sunday) in the year of your birth was Sunday 30 May 1971.
~The date of Whisuntide in the year of your birth was Sunday 6 June 1971.
~The date of Rosh Hashanah in the year of your birth was Tuesday, 21 September 1971.
~The date of Passover in the year of your birth was Sunday, 11 April 1971.
~The date of Mardi Gras on your birth year was Tuesday 23 February 1971.

As of 4/16/2007 1:51:13 PM EDT
You are 35 years old.
You are 427 months old.
You are 1,856 weeks old.
You are 12,991 days old.
You are 311,797 hours old.
You are 18,707,871 minutes old.
You are 1,122,472,273 seconds old.

Celebrities who share your birthday:
Joseph Mazzello (1983)
Nicole Richie (1981)
Liam Gallagher (1972)
David Silveria (1972)
Alfonso Ribeiro (1971)
Ricki Lake (1968)
Faith Hill (1967)
Darva Conger (1965)
Rob Morrow (1962)
David James Elliott (1960)
Dave Coulier (1959)
Bill Murray (1950)
Stephen King (1947)
Henry Gibson (1935)
Leonard Cohen (1934)
Larry Hagman (1931)
H.G. Wells (1866)

Top songs of 1971
Joy to the World by Three Dog Night
Maggie May by Rod Stewart
It's Too Late by Carole King
One Bad Apple by Osmonds
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart by Bee Gees
Knock Three Times by Dawn
Brand New Key by Melanie
Go Away Little Girl by Donny Osmond
Family Affair by Sly & the Family Stone
Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves by Cher

~Your age is the equivalent of a dog that is 5.08454011741683 years old. (You're still chasing cats!)
~There are 158 days till your next birthdayon which your cake will have 36 candles.
~Those 36 candles produce 36 BTUs,or 9,072 calories of heat (that's only 9.0720 food Calories!) .
~You can boil 4.11 US ounces of water with that many candles.

~In 1971 there were approximately 3.7 million births in the US.
~In 1971 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.
~In 1971 in the US there were approximately 2,158,802 marriages (10.6%) and 708,000 divorces (3.5%)
~In 1971 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)
~In the US a new person is born approximately every 8 seconds.
~In the US one person dies approximately every 12 seconds.
~In 1971 the population of Australia was approximately 13,198,380.In 1971 there were approximately 276,361 births in Australia.
~In 1971 in Australia there were approximately 117,637 marriages and 12,947 divorces.
~In 1971 in Australia there were approximately 110,650 deaths.

Your birthstone is Sapphire -->The Mystical properties of Sapphire
Though not meant to replace traditional medical treatment, Sapphire is used for clear thinking.

Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources): Agate, Moonstone, Lapis Lazuli

Your birth tree is: Lime Tree, the Doubt
Accepts what life dishes out in a composed way, hates fighting, stress and labour, tends to laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous, loyal.

~There are 253 days till Christmas 2007!
~There are 266 days till Orthodox Christmas!

The moon's phase on the day you were born was waxing crescent.
Tuesday, September 21, 1971
Moon's age (days): 1
Distance (Earth radii): 63.80
Percent Illumination 2.89%
Ecliptic latitude (degrees): -4.69
Ecliptic longitude (degrees): 197.68

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My life path Number:

3 (3, 12/3, 21,/3, 30/3)
The Life Path 3 indicates that you entered this plane with a strong sense of creativity and with wonderful communication skills. Achievement for you most likely comes through engaging your ingenious expression. A truly gifted 3 possesses the most exceptional innovative skills, normally in the verbal realm, writing, speaking, acting, or similar endeavors. Here we are apt to find the entertainers of the world, bright, effervescent, sparkling people with very optimistic attitudes. The bright side of this path stresses harmony, beauty and pleasures; of sharing your inventive talents with the world. Capturing your capability in creative self-expression is the highest level of attainment for this life path.

Life is generally lived to the fullest, often without much worry about tomorrow. You are not very good at handling money because of a general lack of concern about it. You spend it when you have it and don't when you don't.

The 3 loves connecting with people. The characteristics of the 3 are warmth and friendliness, a good conversationalist, social and open. A good talker both from the standpoint of being a delight to listen to, but even more importantly, one who has the ability to listen to others. Accordingly, the life path 3 produces individuals who are always a welcome addition to any social situation and know how to make others feel at home. The approach to life tends to be exceedingly positive. Your disposition is almost surely sunny and openhearted. A happy and often inspired person, you are constantly seeking and needing the stimuli of similar people.

There is a remote side to your 3 Life Path, as well. This comes as a surprise to the native and to those who think they are well acquainted. The 3 is actually a very sensitive soul. When hurt, you can easily retreat to a shell of morose silence for extended periods. Nonetheless, the 3 eventually copes with all of the many setbacks that occur in life and readily bounces back for more. It is usually easy for you to deal with problems because you can freely admit the existence of problems without letting them get you down for too long. Because of your own sensitivity to hurt, you have a caring disposition and seem to be very conscious of other people's feelings and emotions.

In romance, the 3 is a very ardent and loyal lover. Affairs that don't go well can leave scares that seem to linger. Emotional experiences of all sorts tend to deeply touch the 3 and the drama may take some time to play out. Regrettably, the giving disposition of the 3 often attracts demanding partners. As with most of life's issues for the 3 Life Path, balance in relationships is illusive.

Your big test with a 3 Life Path is controlling your highs and lows. You won't survive very well in any routine environment or when you are placed under dominating management. Slow thinking and overly contemplative people tend to frustrate you, and you don't function too well with this type whether you are working for, with, or under them. Your exuberant nature can take you far, especially if you are ever able to focus your energies and talents.

For the few living on the negative side of this Life Path, a 3 may be so delighted with the joy of living that the life becomes frivolous and superficial. You may scatter your abilities and express little sense of purpose. The 3 can be an enigma, for no apparent reason you may become moody and tend to retreat. Escapist tendencies are not uncommon with the 3 life path, and you find it very hard to settle into one place or one position. Guard against being critical of others, impatient, intolerant, or overly optimistic.

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What my name means (birth name):
You entered: ##### #####

~There are 10 letters in your name.
~Those 10 letters total to 35
~There are 3 vowels and 7 consonants in your name.
~What your first name means: Hebrew – Female - Variant of Susannah: Graceful lily.

Your number is: 8
The characteristics of #8 are: Practical endeavors, status oriented, power-seeking, high-material goals.

The expression or destiny for #8:
Your Expression is represented by the number 8. The 8 Expression is well-equipped in a managerial sense. You have outstanding organizational and administrative capabilities. You have the potential for considerable achievement in business or other powerful positions. You can expect to receive the financial and material rewards. You have the skill and abilities to establish or operate a business with great efficiency. You have good judgment when it comes to money and commercial matters, and you understand how to build and accumulate material wealth. Much of your success (or lack of it) may come due to your ability (or inability) to judge character. With the number 8 Expression, you exercise sound judgment in most of your affairs; you are realistic and practical in your approach to business matters.

The positive 8 Expression produces individuals that are very ambitious and goal-oriented. If the 8 energy is not in excess in your makeup, you will no doubt express these traits to some extent. No one has any more energy that a person with the 8 Expression who has a plan laid and is starting to work. No one has any more self-confidence, either. If you are expressing the positive qualities of 8, you are an outstanding manager because you can plan, initiate, and complete projects; you are very dependable and determined.

As it always happens, there can be too much of a good thing. If you have too much of the 8 energy in your makeup, you may express some of the negative attitudes. A negative 8 can be very rigid and stubborn. Ambition sometimes has a way of becoming over-ambition, and you may express an unreasonable impatience with the lack of progress. If your negative side is showing, you may be too exacting, both of yourself and of others. Sometimes this can even becomes a case of intolerance.

The number 8 is very materialistic and also very desirous of status and power. Neither of these drives are inherently negative unless they are taken to an extreme. You must avoid the tendency to strain after money, material matters, status, or power, to the detriment of the other important factors in your life.

Your Soul Urge number is: 1
A Soul Urge number of 1 means: Your Soul Urge is the number 1. With a Soul Urge number of 1, you want to lead and direct, to work independent of supervision, by yourself or with subordinates. You take pride in your abilities and want to be recognized for them. You may seek opportunities to display your strength and usefulness, wanting to create and originate. In your desire to manage the big picture and the main issues, you may often leave the details to others.

The positive 1 Soul Urge is Ambitious and determined, a leader seeking opportunities. There is a great deal of honesty and loyalty in this character. If you possess positive 1 Soul Urge qualities, you are very attainment oriented and driven to success. You are a loyal friend and strictly fair in your business dealings.

The negative side of the 1 Soul Urge must be avoided. A negative 1 is apt to dominate situations and people; the home, the spouse, the family and the business. Emotions aren't strong in this nature. If you possess an excess of 1 energy, you may, at times, be boastful and egotistic. You must avoid being too critical and impatient of trifles. The great need of the 1 Soul Urge is the development of friendliness, and a sincere interest in people.

Your Inner Dream number is: 7
An Inner Dream number of 7 means: You dream of having the opportunity to read, study, and shut yourself off from worldly distractions. You can see yourself as a teacher, mystic, or ecclesiastic, spending your life in the pursuit of knowledge and learning.

Enjoy the day :)

“The deeper hunger in life is a secret that is revealed only when a person is willing to unlock a hidden part of the self. “ ~Deepak Chopra

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Getting Unstuck

I’ve discovered the wonderful tool of Audio books on the iPod. I’ve downloaded a few now and am pleased to say that I’m enjoying them immensely. While at work I’ll have one ear of my earbud plugged in and listening so that I can keep myself busy. It’s wonderful to hear all day how positive we can be, the good we can do and maybe even get some guidance.

This audiobook (see above) is what I’m listening to today. It provided a brief meditation and has given me a sense of calm today. You might enjoy it.

In a post by Mrs. Virgo copied from another’s blog, Excerpt from Lee Iacocca; Where Have all the Leaders Gone, is an insightful piece that I think should be read by all.

The weekend was very nice. I slept well Sunday night which is a nice change of pace. There really isn’t too much to report in my life which for this muse, is a good thing :D I painted my first what I call “real piece” of artwork the other day (picture coming soon). I am pleased with it.

I feel some small measure of frustration that I can’t begin to take the steps that I want to take to better myself. But I try daily to not fight the frustration; to accept it so I can see the other possibilities that await my attention now.

For now though, I’m learning the lesson I had forgotten in all the chaos that my life had become… Since its quiet, calm, and not a day where I’m frantically trying to fill a void with some activity; I’m remembering what it’s like to just enjoy the day.

That is my goal today.

Enjoy your day everyone!
XO
Muse

Where to begin...

She walked in the room and conversation ceased. The hushed silence brought on by everyone’s smiles and glances insisted that indeed she was royalty. Heading straight to the reception desk where she was greeted with a soft hello and a welcome to the Hotel Monaco, the Muse smiled and knew that a weekend removed from all life’s daily routines was underway…

~*~

This weekend… This weekend. Oh my goodness there just aren’t enough descriptive words in the English language to describe this weekend. So I’ll offer snippets. Little tasty tidbits if you will. Here we begin:

Chocolate covered strawberries delivered to the room. Fizzy balls of aromatherapy for the hot tub. A room that looked like a palace. People dying to wait on you hand and foot. Wide screen plasma HD TV on the wall. A dozen beautiful long stem roses. Turn down service complete with chocolates and a breakfast card for room service. Phenomenal breakfast offerings and even better dinner offerings. Fully stocked wet bar. TV and snack tray in the bedroom of the suite. Chaise lounges in two different places. Window seating in EVERY single window the room had. Black out drapes that made day turn to darkest night with the simple tug of the drapes. Pillows you sank into forming against your shape. Wine tasting every night between 5 and 6pm. Homemade chocolate cookies so warm they melted in your mouth. A doorman who opened and closed every door for you as well as hailed a cab at any time. A concierge willing to do anything for you if you just ask. Wicked (need I say more?). An extra day of pampering. Blue Man Group!

And the best part? The thing that topped it all? Well two actually:

The company of one very caring man – Google Man
The company on our last day of two very special friends: Mrs. Virgo and Kyle

From the start on Thursday on arriving, I felt removed from my life. I felt like a princess or maybe even a queen. The whole weekend had its wonderful moments like this that reminded me of just how special an occasion like this is. I’m busily trying to imprint every single memory into my head, and busy trying to plan some future things ;)

So now, where words have failed me, I will give you pictures. Rest assured this muse had the best weekend of her life in so many ways this weekend. (It had been lengthened by a day too!)

Thank you Google man, for an experience I shall never forget.

Energy, Excitement, & Anticipation...Oh my!

The key that unlocks energy is desire. It's also the key to a long and interesting life. If we expect to create any drive, any real force within ourselves, we have to get excited. ~ Earl Nightingale

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Well excited is definitely how I feel today! My stomach is in knots, my energy level is high (despite only 4 hours sleep AGAIN last night), and I’m ready to go!

Tonight is the start of a weekend I’ve never experienced before in my life. Starting with a long relaxing soak in a Jacuzzi tub, followed up with some good food and (hopefully) much needed sleep, the start of the weekend sounds promising. Then tomorrow an extravagant lunch at Foga De Chao, followed up with relaxing (maybe a walk on the beach ?) as we spiral closer to the 8pm showtime of Wicked, rounds out the middle of the weekend nicely. Saturday, with a slow wake up and lunch downtown before heading home is just what the doctor ordered too for this muse to wrap this magnificent weekend up nicely!

I am so excited!

I’ve never done anything on this scale before. In some cases with all the pampering the hotel offers, and the company, and the special events, I feel almost like I’m embarking on a magical journey; one which will hold much memory for me for a very long time.

Did I mention I’m excited?

So today I got up at an ungodly 4:45am (Yes, not even God is up at that hour!), took a nice long shower full of pampering to help jumpstart the weekend. I made a body scrub of Lavendar, a tiny amount of Ylang Ylang, and Sandalwood with a drop (literally!) of Sweet orange. It’s a wonderful combination! I took extra time this morning to wake up slow, to meditate (for 2 minutes) and to breathe deeply before I rushed around my morning (yes I was late :P but who cares!)

I then spent the drive to work which was almost an hour today thanks to the errands I had to run, talking with my favorite Australian male (oooh la la!). I think I jumped from topic to topic like my mouth was on fire or something, but thankfully Aussie_male can keep up quite nicely.
And now I’m at work, having secured already the “Can I leave an hour early if I skip lunch” promise, just waiting for the day to speed up! I wish I had control of time to make it speed up just for a few hours, maybe 1pm or so… Then to slow it down so that the rest of this weekend goes by nice and slow.

I want to enjoy every offering of this weekend. I want to digest it, process it, retain it, and file it away neatly in my library of memories that are so real I could relive them everyday. I might even write about it if inspiration finds my exhausted mind.

There are so many things I want to blog about but right now, this is all that is running through my mind.

I am so excited :D

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WELL WISHES
Today I have an abundance of excitement (No, say it isn’t so!). I wish to pass that on to you. So that you too may feel what it’s like to have that joyous anticipation that you know will herald good times. I wish you not only the anticipation, but also the good times that go along with them. That, and many hugs...

You are a blessing to me everyday.

Weddings and Getting healthy and Lord of the rings... Oh my!

We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves. ~Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)

With every experience, you alone are painting your own canvas, thought by thought, choice by choice. ~Oprah Winfrey (1954 - ), O Magazine

Ways to Volunteer to the Many Blessings Project:
3. Step into the Circle of Blessings. Every day at 12 noon, Greenwich Mean Time (7am CST During DST, 6am Otherwise in CST), we invite you to stop whatever it is you are doing and spend three minutes blessing the world. For that brief span of time each days, simply close your eyes and mentally connect with others around the world as together we visualize a peace-filled and prosperous planet where harmony, joy, love, beauty and abundance abide. Imagine a world where everyone is blessed by the presence of everyone else. Just imagine how beautiful such a world would be. http://www.mayyoubeblessedmovie.com/

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Many thanks first off to Mrs. Virgo. She took my literally by the hand and filled me with all sorts of healthy nutrients and supplements this weekend. I am now taking a large does of Omega 3, and all sorts of other things. She helped me find and get my Homeopathic remedies for so many things, and boy do I feel good!

It has been SO long since I took the things that I know are good for me. I’ve been doing some small amounts of things, like a one a day, and some other things. But to truly feel my best, I need so much more.

I have to find a way to reorganize my budget so that I have more towards buying the things that are healthy for me to eat. That’s the only way I’m going to re-do my eating habits. I’ll spend more time trying to move things around to do this.

I’m really excited to get healthy. I’ve been doing ok with weight loss. Had a major shift this past few weeks and gained quite a bit of weight (13 pounds!!!). SO I’ve spent this week working my buns off to lose that weight in anticipation of the outfit I want to wear for the Theater this Friday. So far I’ve lost 8 of it. But before you get too excited, remember this is weight loss from a weight gain. Once I lose this weight, I have to keep going!

I’ve done some recalculating (serious recalculating, not guesstimating) about how much I want to lose. I have a goal of 155 pounds (based on my height and bone structure) but I will accept up to 180. That’s quite a bit of weight to lose. (no I wont tell you how much :P just know it’s a lot). In any event, I’m motivated today. I feel like I could go right now and buy a ton of good for me stuff, meditate, pull my daily cards and goddess cards and be fine. The problem is I’m NOT motivated when I get home. I notice my motivation comes during the day, and always when I can’t do anything about it (i.e. at work). So I need to find a way to either prolong that motivation, get some quick results to add more motivation or find a way to utilize the motivation when it hits so it’s not wasted energy.

Thoughts? Ideas?

Also as for the items listed above (the quotes) I fully intend to do exactly what she said. Everyday at 7am (I start work then) I’m going to bless the world. I’ll allow whatever thoughts of whomever, wherever, worldwide to pass through my mind and hopefully many others will be doing it too. If nothing else, it will start my day off right. I need that.

In other news, your favorite muse is very very very tired. I haven’t been sleeping well and it’s been wreaking havoc with my emotions. I’ll be spending this week trying to recoup some sleep so that for the weekend I’m not a walking zombie. I was so tired on Saturday that my muscles, and my bones ached. Not just ached, but I was so bone weary that poor Google man spent the majority of the night massaging my legs and back and neck just so I could move! I’ve only one other time felt so tired and trust me I don’t want to feel that tired again!

And lastly, I received a key for the game Lord of the Rings Online. I’ve activated that and am going to try that for a bit tonight as I relax and wind down. It will be the first game I play where I’m not the “lead” of anything, but am just a player enjoying a game.

Oh! And one more important thing I forgot! Mrs. B in AZ is getting married!!! She’s asked me to partake of this joyous occasion by being her Maid of honor! I’ve never been a maid of honor and am petrified. Imagine me, trying to straighten her gown and pulling it off because I’ve pulled too hard, or pulling her backwards making her lose her step. EEK! I have all these visions of trying to help her get ready and doing something clumsy like poking her in the eye or something. Is it normal to be this scared? All kidding aside though, I am honored to be asked to do this and I accept it wholeheartedly. I will be doing my best to lose some weight so that come May or June of 2008, I don’t look like a pig stuffed in a blanket and instead look like the goddess I truly am. Wish me luck in this!

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WELL WISHES
Today I wish for you to get healthy! Take an extra vitamin, drink more water, do something that makes you feel good. And I’ll be right there along side you cheering you on!

You are a blessing to me everyday

Changing If Only to I will, I accept, I BELIEVE... One thought at a time.

Finding Unqualified Happiness
If Only

Since most of our experiences are rooted in cause and effect, we naturally want to justify our contentment. We envision grand circumstances, stating that if only we could achieve this goal or obtain that possession, we would finally be in a position to attain happiness. As a result, satisfaction is always just out of reach and the very notion of grabbing hold of it seems like nothing more than a pipe dream. But the truth is that sincere contentment and fulfillment are never wholly the result of external events or situations. Though life's joyful moments can ignite the spark of contentment within us, that spark is fueled by serenity long established in our souls. When we forget this, it is easy to become stuck in "if only" patterns of thought. If we concentrate on the natural serenity that exists within us, however, we can move forward unimpeded by disappointment.

The circumstances you live through each day have the potential to bring both joy and despair into your life. Relying on the reactions they awaken within you to create an emotional foundation means living on a roller coaster of feeling whose course is determined by chance. Though you may yearn for the object of your desire-be it a new job, financial health, a spouse, or some other symbol of success-you have within you the power to be happy without it. Letting go of your "if only" thinking patterns can be as easy as recognizing that inward emptiness cannot be dispelled with outer world solutions. Try creating a list of your "if only"s. Then literally and figuratively let go of the items on the list by tearing it up or burning it. This simple action can help set in motion the intention to set you free, enabling you to make a fresh and balanced start in the present, unencumbered by regrets and unfulfilled desires.

There will likely be periods in your life in which you find yourself tempted to seek a magic formula for fulfillment that is centered upon a single goal or achievement. But the ingredients that come together to form the seeds of happiness that can sustain your spirit throughout the triumphs and trials of existence come from within rather than from without. When your search for satisfaction is focused on your soul, you will never fail to find the joy you seek.

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I would normally post this on Digital Soup Online; the Blog. But I wanted people to read it so I posted it here. www.dailyom.com is such a good place of inspiration. Mostly in Digital Soup, I post a lot of daily OM’s. There are other things there too but this place has the best daily inspirations.

Today’s seemed appropriate as this morning I was lamenting over the things I don’t have in life. Not that I was dark and depressed over it, but I found myself going “If Only I had…” or “If Only I had done…” and even in some cases “If Only I had NOT…”. Then immediately following a string of those thoughts, this appeared in my email. What timing.

I immediately put my work aside and began a rough list of “If Onlys”. This list includes both seemingly negative and positive things. But it is the list of things that bounce back and forth in me. What’s your “If Only” list like? Do you need to do some cleaning? Some letting go?

IF only:
~I was thin
~I had more money
~I had a home (specifically a mansion)
~I could keep up with the latest trends in technology
~I could eat out whenever I wanted
~I didn’t have to work
~I had never married too early
~I had never started a bad habit in November
~I could get back into school
~More people would listen to me instead of brushing me off
~Crony would be quiet
~I were working at home again
~I was free to do what I want
~I would paint again
~I would be creative with my ATC’s
~I would write a single poem!
~I had a better car
~I wasn’t having trouble sleeping

There are so many things in that list. And now, I will imagine that ball of stress related to most of those “If Only’s” and pack it tight, just like I would a snowball…. Pack it harder and harder until it’s all condensed into one freezing ball of stress, and then I’ll throw it as HARD AS I CAN, as FAR AS I CAN...away from me!

For the rest of the day today, I will change the “If Only’s” to

~I Will, Wont, Accept, and Believe:
~I will be thin
~I will have more money
~I will have a home of my choice
~I will have the best electronics that are necessary in my life (and yes I can choose between need and want)
~I won’t eat out whenever I want to, but I WILL eat well at home, cooking and eating with pleasure not pressure.
~I will someday be my own boss, begin a business that takes off with others, or enjoy my job even if it’s volunteering.
~I accept that I married too early.
~I believe this bad habit will go away because I WILL it too.
~I will get back in school when it’s right
~I accept that some people don’t listen because they’re on a different path, and I BELIEVE that others do because they believe in me too.
~I believe that Crony will eventually be quiet.
~I will work at home again (see earlier line about my job)
~I accept that I am free and believe in myself to make the choices necessary to maintain that freedom
~I WILL paint again
~I WILL be creative again
~I believe I will write a poem soon
~I will have a new car someday
~I believe that I will get more sleep very soon.

I can’t “throw them away” as the daily om suggests, but I can change them and send that out instead. May your “If Only’s” be changed into your positive intentions!

Make it a great day,
Love, light and bright blessings and,
You are a blessing to me everyday

Muse

I'm Alive

When you bless the day

I just drift away

All my worries die

I'm glad that I'm alive

~Celine Dion “I’m Alive”

~*~*~*~*~

Today is a good day, relaxed pace at work, more sleep last night than I’ve gotten in a few weeks, and a visit to Mrs. Virgo on the schedule.

Last night through a particularly trying time, I re-discovered a book I had purchased a while ago that literally fell into my hands reminding me that it needed to be read. It’s a book by one of my favorite authors Don Miguel Ruiz. It’s called Prayers; A Communion with our Creator. So today in lieu of anything to report (other than I’m struggling with my weight, but I’m happy, alive and the future looks bright); I’ll post instead the two prayers (Customized by me for me) that I read today in the morning and again just now. Maybe they’ll bring you some peace too.

Prayer for Love
Today, Creator, help me to accept myself the way I am, without judgment. Help me to accept my mind the way it is, with all my emotions, my hopes and dreams, and my unique personality. Help me to accept my body the way it is, with all its beauty and perfection.

Today, Creator, clean my mind of emotional poison and self-judgment, so that I can live in peace and love. Let the love for myself be so strong that I never again reject myself or sabotage my happiness and personal freedom. Let me love and accept myself without judgment, because when I judge myself, I find myself guilty, and feel the need then, to punish myself.

With the power of self love, let all my relationships be based on love and respect. Help me to let go of the need to tell others how to think or how to be. Let me accept the people I love just the way they are, without judgment, because when I judge them and blame them, I find them guilty, and feel the need to then punish them. Help me, Creator, to love everything you create with no conditions, because when I reject your creation, I reject you.

Today, Creator, help me to start my life over with the power of self-love. Help me to explore life, to take risks, and to love myself unconditionally. Let me open my heart to the love that is my birthright so that I can share my love wherever I go.

Blessed Be.

~*~

Prayer for the Physical Body
Today, Creator, I promise to make a new agreement with my physical body. I promise to love my body unconditionally as my body loves me. I promise to protect and take care of my body. I will never gaain reject my body, abuse my body, or be ashamed of how it looks. From now on, I will accept my physical body as it is. I will enjoy my body, and be grateful for all the pleasures of life it gives me.

Forgive me, Creator, for believing all the lies about my physical body. Forgive me for judging my physical body against a false image of perfection. Forgive me for everything I haven’t liked about my physical body.

Today, Creator, help me to see my physical body as a living temple where you live. Help me to respect my body, to love and honor my body. I know that to treat my body with respect, love and honor is to respect, love and honor your creation. Help me, Creator, to give my physical body whatever it needs to live in perfect health, harmony, and happiness with you.

Blessed Be.

~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
You are a blessing to me everyday. May you feel that intention as I send it on it’s way to you.
XO

Spring Cleaning, Piano Man, & Le Coffee Table Extraodinaire!

“If I had my life to live over, I would start barefoot earlier in the spring and stay that way later in the fall. I would go to more dances. I would ride more merry-go-rounds. I would pick more daisies.” ~Nadine Stair

“Sitting quietly, doing nothing, spring comes, and the grass grows by itself” ~ Zen Proverb

~*~*~*~*~*~

Spring is fast approaching, and with it the desire to do spring cleaning. I have struggled against that feeling :P. However, I have been doing spring cleaning in my life. The two letters in my prior posts (The Unforgiving Muse and The Letter of Goodbye – Long Overdue) are part of that change.

There’s a lot to unravel and surprisingly not as much as I thought. But, as things come up I am working on dealing with them right away. Who knows, maybe this is just what the doctor ordered?

In other news this past weekend was a blast! I did literally nothing except receive new furniture and go to a piano bar! I had never been to one before and it was a BLAST! The man playing piano was interactive, lively and good. The man backing him up, the jack of all music instruments as Google Man calls him, was EXCELLENT in his craft. He did a saxophone solo in the song “Just a Gigolo” that was phenomenal. After eating dinner (with me singing along with the piano VERY LOUDLY) I made Google man come with me and literally sit AT the piano bar where I proceeded to sing a bit more and interact with the piano man’s family who was also sitting there. It was SO MUCH FUN. Seriously, I felt so alive!

As for the coffee table, click and see. It’s gorgeous! (YAY for new coffee tables! This is the closest image to my actual table that I could find. It’s close but not exact. But still gives you a good idea.)

Saturday morning, afternoon, and Sunday pretty much all day was spent lounging around doing whatever I wanted. Watching movies, eating good food, having good conversation and watching the sun set and rise. What a way to rejuvenate!

Just two weekends from now, I’ll be packing my bags and spending two luxurious nights in a 5 star hotel complete with a Jacuzzi soaking tub, included breakfast, and wine tasting each night. As if that wasn’t enough, I’ll be going to my first ever theater performance in the city seeing Wicked! It is after all Google man’s birthday and what a way to spend it on the town! I’m just about as excited as he is (and maybe even more).

I’ve been trying as well to walk more. As you can see from my stats I’ve been doing better (even walking within two days of a previous walk, go me!) and I’ve increased not only the speed but the distance too. Now if I could just get back to eating smaller portions, I might see a weight drop instead of hanging on that damn plateau I’m on.

Everyday I have this wonderful iPod with me and I’ve almost filled it (well I have 10g free out of 30 :P) with ALL my music from my DJ files, two movies, and a slew of podcasts. The podcasts are WONDERFUL. I have about 30 that I subscribe to. Everything from cancer care and help to meditation, old cartoons, and affirmation broadcasts. They really are a treat. I’m even looking (casually) into making my own podcast of something or other, if I ever get the nerve to do it :P

I’m also cleaning up my finances even more. I’ve held onto several things that are related to Utopia Skye, but sadly they too must go or be changed. I’ve cancelled my home phone (yes all you who have it, time to keep my cell # as that is my only means of contact as of 4-4-07), and considering cancelling the forums on Utopia Skye and making some changes elsewhere. I must get some more cash and until my job prospects change for the better, I have to make do with what I have.

It feels good to be on a path of change. It’s nice to feel like I’m throwing the proverbial garbage out and replacing it with all new things. New in thought, heart or spirit, not necessarily new in purchase. I know this is more a smattering of what’s going on, but this is my life and for the first time in a long time, it is balanced and I am enjoying it :)

The yin and yang of my life is no longer my nemesis, it is in fact today, my joy.

~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
Today I wish for you to find balance. It can be balance in the smallest thing, or balance in a big way. Either way, the benefit of balance is so rewarding. The resulting peace, and comfort are two things I would never give up. Today I wish for you to feel that peace, that accomplishment.

You are a blessing to me everyday, in so many ways. Thank you for sharing my journey.

~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
Today’s Interesting link (believe it or not I got it from Oprah) is Grammar Girls. It seems to be an informative site for everyone. Check it out and see how much you like “Quick and Dirty” ;) Come on… you know you want to :D

Success Again!!!

Twice in a week, boy oh boy!

Time: 29.30 minutes
Distance: 1.03 miles
Fat Grams Burned: 47
Fat Calories burned: 150
Speed: 2.2 Miles per hour!

I hope this works, if it doesn't I'll be really pissed and drown my sorrows in one of every variety of the most fattening Jamba juice :P but for tonight, definitely Jamba Juice lite! (i didn't get any the other day :( )

SUCCESS!!!

A new milestone! I’m so proud of myself!

Distance: 1 MILE!
Time: 32 minutes
Fat Calories Burned: 149
Fat Grams Burned: 46.9!
Speed walked: 2 MILES per hour!

Major props to me today. It is DEFINITELY a jamba juice lite day ;)

Silence...

Silence is the true friend that never betrays. ~Confucius

Silence is the universal refuge, the sequel to all dull discourses and all foolish acts, a balm to our every chagrin, as welcome after satiety as after disappointment. ~Henry David Thoreau

In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in an clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after Truth.
~Mahatma Gandhi

Silence is a fence around wisdom. ~German Proverb

Silence is as deep as eternity; speech, shallow as time. ~Thomas Carlyle

Silence is medication for sorrow. ~Arab Proverb

Silence is more musical than any song. ~Christina Rossetti

Nothing is more useful than silence. ~Menander of Athens

Silence is a sounding thing, to one who listens hungrily. ~Gwendolyn Bennett

Silence is the mother of truth. ~Benjamin Disraeli

There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub. ~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Silence is the secret to sanity. ~Astrid Alauda

Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~Josh Billings

There are times when silence has the loudest voice. ~Leroy Brownlow

Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Silence is also speech. ~Proverb

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature - trees, flowers, grass - grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence.... We need silence to be able to touch souls. ~Mother Teresa

~*~*~*~*~*~

Some quotes today for those that seek silence and peace, or live in silence, or wish to have calm… That’s all for today.

You are a blessing to me everyday.

The Yin & Yang of this Muse (Things I suck and excel at)

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear." ~ Ambrose Redmoon

~*~*~*~*~*~

All right, courage it is…

I will have courage to list openly my faults, and I will temper that with my strengths too.

THINGS I SUCK AT:
~Losing (I am a horrible sore loser, especially at console gaming, pvp, etc)
~Hand/Eye Coordination (I am forever dropping things… truly. It’s so annoying)
~Math (Don’t get me started)
~Intelligent conversation (No, this is not a put down. What I mean to say is that I get confused easily, especially on topics I’m not well versed on… like government etc)
~Being less Judgemental (See my shadow self in my prior post here, for some good tips on this as it pertains to me
~Handling rejection (I will avoid it at all costs, because I can not handle it well at all)
~Handling my anger (yes, I am high strung, angry, etc. It’s why I always try to walk on the light side…)
~Avoiding depression (My glass is half empty most of the time)
~Saving Money (I usually don’t have it anyway, but when I DO I’m horrible at keeping it.)
~Letting go of big past hurts. (I really struggle with this one… in a lot of ways.)
~Being more cautious with new people in my life. (Also one of my strengths for various reasons)
~Tennis on the Nintendo Wii (Shockingly Google man offered this one. Maybe it’s because we played like 15 games of it and I won ONCE. But truly, the sensors were off… I went for every ball, and swung and swung … It must be the games fault :P)
~Going to sleep on time (But who wants to go to bed on time!!! So I still act like a child on this one, but … I’m forever young, so it’s all good)

So many more I could list…but onto the good things.

THINGS I EXCEL AT:
~Expressing myself (MOST of the time I am able to verbalize what I’m feeling in some creative way)
~Loving openly (Interesting eh since I said I’m judgemental? But I do love openly for the most part, however when I DO judge, I judge hard)
~Singing (I LOVE to sing… )
~Making Soap :P (SOOO fun)
~Hugging (Nothing better than a deep hug with a full heartbeat accompanying the warmth of an embrace)
~Kissing (well yes, I kiss with passion, there can’t be a BAD kiss when done with passion… ok well maybe but not MINE :P)
~Helping people find their strengths (There is no greater feeling than when you are able to highlight the beauty of a person’s soul)
~Listening to people
~Shining my light (On good days, I can almost envision the light inside me radiating out like a lighthouse beacon to all those who need it most.)
~Crying (Cleansing tears are always good)
~Feeling other people’s pain and helping them deal with it (I try, and I’ve been told I do well. Though it’s not as easy as people think)
~Passion (I have so much of it in so many situations.)
~Strong Character (Courtesy of Google Man who seems to think that I am strong in my character… hmmm)
~Laughing and being Goofy (Another Google man submission. He seems to think I’m good at being goofy. I have to admit; on a good day nothing can kill my smile)
~Motivation & Determination (Ok I have to cut google man off from his drink or whatever he’s smoking, because this one floors me. I’m motivated only when I want to be. To me motivation and determination are constant. But I applaud him for saying I have these… :)

THINGS THAT OTHERS THINK I’m GOOD AT:
~Being intelligent. (HAH! I’m being ordered to not comment on this one, and just accept it as it is. So with slight resignation I will shut my mouth :P)


Ok so I have 13 things I suck at, and 15 I’m good at. Hmm maybe it’s time for some change ;) So take some stock, what do you think of your faults and strengths? Be bold, be daring you know you want to :P

Most importantly though, be well today everyone.

You are a blessing to me everyday.

XO
Muse

Magical Creatures, Fantastical Electronics, A day in the life...

Your Primary Mythical Creature
Water Types
The main strength of the Water types is feeling. The second element indicates the most probable focus for this emotional expression.

Chimera
Water with Fire - Astrologically associated with Cancer and the Fourth HouseChimera types are motivated to achieve and maintain emotional closeness between themselves and those they are close to. They are among the most outgoing of all the types. They have a strong sense of community, harmony, and cooperation. They are devoted to their family, whether this is an actual family or a specially chosen group of like-minded individuals. They thrive in company and are rarely alone. They find personal fulfillment in supportive, nurturing, and caring roles, but they emphasize self-reliance for all. They are intensely protective of those they love and are both perceptive and intuitive regarding their needs. They can seem at times to be in a world of their own because of a capacity for reflection. They are very emotionally expressive, which can seem like "gushing" to other, more restrained types.

Your Shadow Creature

Air Types
All the Air types have problems relating to irrationality and trust. The weakest element indicates the main focus of these problems.

Pegasus
Air and Earth - This shadow is unrealistic and judgmental, demands perfection in all things, and is hypercritical regarding imagined faults. They may be self-neglecting and a hypochondriac, or overindulgent and lazy. They may be plagued by vague fears that are products of their own imagination. Discrimination is poor and they may have difficulty telling fact from fantasy. They are closed-minded. While they are sociable, they can be superior, capricious, and manipulative. Imagined slights may become the rationale for recrimination, divisiveness, and an attitude of martyrdom. The biggest obstacle of weak Earth is to overcome self-centeredness and greed; the biggest obstacle of weak Air is to overcome prejudice and ignorance.

Take the quiz to see what magical creature you are

~*~*~*~*~*~

Today is an interesting day. Work has been rather boring. I hate to say it, I wish I could find something about it appealing but it’s just not doing it for me. I’ve been through with my work as early as one hour after arrival in the morning which leaves me 7 hours to do nothing… It’s hard to look busy for that long.

Thank god for the arrival of my new best friend Muse’s iPod. I can’t even imagine how I lived without this for so long! I’ve got two movies, 15g of music, and about 6 pod casts on here and I am LOVING it. The nice thing is I can wear it at work and be discreet. My left ear has the ear bud and it’s on almost the entire time. Music is so soothing to me. It helps keep my demons at bay, and keeps the child in me active while my feet are moving to the beat when I’m bored.

The other big addition in my life is the ever sleek, fits anywhere, looks good and plays even better Nintendo Wii. I never knew boxing could be so fun! I have tried tennis, golf, bowling, boxing and baseball. I am ok at bowling, horrible at hitting the tennis ball (but can serve like no one’s business), golf is eh… baseball is good. But boxing, oh my WORD, I love to box! For those of you who are not familiar with the Wii, you actually have to stand up and interact. The remotes are almost like second hands of yours. So when you box, you’re actually punching at the air (look out all those standing next to me!) It’s a great workout :P But it is also a way to let go of some pent up frustration :P

I also recently acquired some lovely new paints, metallic actually. They’re beautiful! I’m feeling inspired again to paint (though I’m afraid of the results… I’m no skilled painter that’s for sure) so that might happen this week.

And recently I became the recipient of a photo album just waiting eagerly to be filled with pictures and cards and the like all revolving around the “Once upon a time theme”.

So many crafty things I could do and not enough time to do them. Now that I’m back at work I suffer the same fate as the rest of us, having to fit all the hours of creative things you want to do in a space of 4-6 hours that you have available each day after work.

I’m also looking forward to this weekend. Google man and I have no plans except to stay at home and do some computer type things. It’s been nice to be busy, visit friends, have good food… But it will be nice to sleep in, lounge around in Pj’s or sweats, and not have to really DO anything except whatever “wants” to be done.

I admit though, I do miss having my work days be so casual and relaxed, at my own pace. *sigh

I’m quite tired today. I didn’t sleep well last week (running on about 3-5 hours per night average). On top of being sick the last three weekends now (this past weekend was the first weekend I actually “felt” good), now Google man is afflicted with the same thing I had. Poor guy, the viral intestinal sickness SUCKS. I hope it isn’t too hard on him as it was on Mrs. Virgo, Kyle and myself.

Ooh I saw the movie 300 last night. WOW, it was great. Not only was it a good movie but we saw it on the IMAX screen and WOW it made a difference! For those of you who like epic battles, fought with honor you will LOVE this movie. Caution though, lots of blood. As someone quoted “The blood should win an Oscar” (there was so much of it lol). Good movie though, I enjoyed it thoroughly.

And for those of you romantic comedy types, the movie The Holiday is also good (though I have to finish it still). I am a Kate Winslet fan and she does not disappoint in this film. Good to watch with friends or on your own with a big bowl of ice cream :P

It’s been an interesting two months. I’ve seen more movies, filled everybody’s desire to see more of me, and my desire to see more of everybody :P, gotten some pretty cool gadgets and had MUCHO fun. Even though I’m tired, I can still smile, and that is a WONDERFUL feeling.

Have a wonderful day everyone!

~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
I wish for a smile, subtle, soft, ecstatic, full to grace your face at least once today. My heart reaches to you, my arms hug you, my thoughts are OF you.

You are a blessing to me everyday.

~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"When you know who you are; when your mission is clear and you burn with the inner fire of unbreakable will; no cold can touch your heart; no deluge can dampen your purpose." ~Chief Seattle

Love Letters - Chapter 31; The Sea of Possibilities

My love,

The wind was a ravenous beast last night. I stood on the veranda, my hair whipping about, letting it overtake me. My dress danced a mad tune that only the wind’s howling knew. But in onyx splendor, the stars twinkled captivating me. Standing, bracing against the wind that turned quickly to warm rain spilling over me, I grew lost in the night sky.

In a moment’s span of time, a song came to mind, the tones sweet to my starved ear. The song, one of dreams filled my senses and as the rain came down I closed my eyes and saw before me a place of tranquility. Transfixed with the vision of the softest sand, the fragrant breeze, and the warm sun I swayed to my own music; the music of us.

The love we share is the makings of a dream. From the moment I let you into my heart I began building in my mind the place where our dream unfettered could roam and grow. This dream, I see before my closed eyes shimmering with the complexity of a mirage.

The swelling in my heart as it rests comfortably in love, surrounded by love, & safe in its expression, is unmistakable. It is the swelling of a love overflowing. While the world rages around me, the wind howling, and the air cold. I stand transported to the safe haven of our world. The world created by our love. And though our love is new, still budding in the timetables of eternity, it bears the weight of permanence.

Tucking my hair behind my ears, I open my eyes for the first time since seeing with crystal clarity our world. The night suspended allowed the stars to shine brighter. Is there some magic in the night, in the music? Something that allows love to dance free even among chaos?

Regardless, I embrace it; timidly at first, and soon in time with wild abandon. Time has taught me valuable lessons, and imparted fear as well. But those lessons ring true in my heart now, when I listen, when I’m quiet and can hear the beating of love’s drum. Those lessons tell me of caution, but also tell me to listen, to accept, to let go.

So tonight love, while the wind tears at me, the cold embraces me… I shun it all away and stand in a glow of love that no darkness, cold, or wind can dispel.

The song continues on, “Now I’m dreaming with you tonight”…Yes, I am dreaming. I’m wide awake and dreaming, and walking somewhere along the sandy shores of the beach in our hearts love. There I wait for you to come home. There I wait for my other half to join me again, and turn the chaotic world of life into the sea for which our love is the beacon, guiding weary travelers in the realm of possibility. There, I wait …for you.

I will wait forever.

Eternally Yours,
Muse

©SKW

Leave the Pieces

"Leave The Pieces" – The Wreckers Lyrics
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair you know
To just keep me hangin' 'round

You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't want to see my tears
So why are you still standing here
Just watching me drown

[Chorus]
And it's alright, yeah I'll be fine
Don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
Just take your love and hit the road
There's nothing you can do or say
You're gonna break my heart anyway
So just leave the pieces when you go

You can drag out the heartache
Baby you can make it quick
Really get it over with
And just let me move on

Don't concern yourself
With this mess you've left for me
I can clean it up, you see
Just as long as you're gone

[Chorus]

You not making up your mind
Is killing me and wasting time
I need so much more than that
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Chorus]

Leave the pieces when you go
Oh, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Leave the pieces when you go

~*~*~*~*~*~

I love this song. LOVE this song. It had some significance in my life not too long ago. It still carries the significance for me, always evoking emotions in me.

I think it’s apparent to anyone who comes across this blog, that music moves me. Not just the music, but the lyrics too have a part.

In other news, the muse has jumped on the bandwagon of technology once again, leaping into the forefront of the “innovators”; those who aren’t afraid to try new things. Well I’m not trying new things per se, but I did get an iPod this weekend :D I LOVE this little piece of metal and plastic! Oh my GOSH! I’ve been able to listen to my entire music directory at just the touch of one button!

So today on the way to work while at work, when I’m on my way home, I will be filled with song, lyrics, & music. And then when I get home, I might just partake of some boxing on the Nintendo Wii that Google Man purchased. So much fun!

What a way to start a Monday!

(Oh and my first music video on the iPOD? White & Nerdy :P LOVE that video :D)

More to come later...

~*~*~*~*~*~

AND REMEMBER
The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return. ~Nature Boy Lyrics (current rendition on the iPod by Celine Dion)

Bill pay Day

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.“~Chinese Proverb

Today's Affirmation
I move beyond emotional reactions and respond with clarity and openness.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Today is bill pay day. For most of you long time readers of my blog, you know that this day is never a fun one. Ever since I was diagnosed, bill pay day has been even worse than before. You can pretty much figure that right? So today has been a day of phone calls, money lost, and trials and tribulations of being on top of a financial system for me that just doesn’t look promising.

Something has to give.

Today my fervent repetitive affirmation is that right now, somewhere, someone is making money, printing money for ME. That sometime soon I will be able to breathe about having more than possibly $6 each month (no joke lol). Instead of a woe is me post, it is a post of hopefulness. It is a post of gratefulness too, for all the help I received during and after my surgery. Without that help from many generous sources, I would be living at home, in very deep debt, and without hope. But because of that help I can at least move forward.

So today, I say: Right now, they’re making money for ME.

It’s not selfish, it’s hopeful and maybe someday soon that hope will turn to reality.

In other news, today is Friday and I have a busy weekend packed with visits with friends, visits with Google Man, and a lunch with my mom. Tonight in fact is the only night where I am not going to see someone (so to speak). I have errands to run, but then I can come home and relax. I hope I can get it all done.

The end of the first week back at work marks a week of tiredness and extreme boredom. My search for other means of income has proved at least this week, fruitless. Next week should be better as I ease back into the swing of things (hopefully). Anyone need a good employee? :D

I will end this post now before my mouth runs away with me and I begn to babble about things that either have no place here, have still to be thought out in my mind thoroughly before acting, or just generally don’t make sense.

So I bid you all adieu with well wishes today.

Muse

~*~*~*~*~*~

WELL WISHES
I hope today that whatever trials you face you can look at them from a different perspective. It’s hard trust me, but I have had reason to believe that affirmations and the “law of attraction” really do work. So try to see the bright side and send that out to the universe. You just might be surprised at the results. For those who have nothing but goodness or at least stability with no hiccups in their life right now, I send you more happiness straight from my heart. I celebrate your happiness and as such live vicariously through you too.

You are a blessing to me everday.

~*~*~*~*~*~

AND REMEMBER
No matter how cloudy the skye gets, the sun always comes back out. Jessie Smith

A new dawn, A new day... And I'm feeling good

It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Nina Simone – Feeling Good
~*~

“We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give.”~Sir Winston Churchill
~*~

Today's Affirmation
I give of myself freely and gratefully!

~*~*~*~*~*~

As I slowly, continually, learn about my life, my mind, my emotions (it almost feels all new since my cancer has departed). I have discovered with joy that I am truly coming into my own. It’s a slow process, full of starts and stops, but it is a process and I’m glad to be on the road of it. There will be more letters as I begin to address publicly the things I need to attend to. There’s a certain amount of responsibility in doing that I think…

Thank you all for the encouragement, you have no idea how much a small word or thought can move a mountain! Today’s first post is all about becoming. Read, enjoy, and have a WONDERFUL day. You are a blessing to me everyday.

Become More of Yourself Today
Life is on your side
Hold my hand
Together we'll find a way
Dearest daughter
You have a joy that lives inside
Become more of yourself today.

Trust that you are guided
Your spirit paves the way
Dearest daughter
Become more of yourself today
Count the stars above
You are the first chance of love
Become more of yourself today.

Life is on your side
Hold your own hand
Your intuition leads the way
Dearest daughter
Become more of yourself today
You have a voice that speaks inside
You need to listen always
Become more of yourself today.

Borrowed from: http://www.feminist.com/resources/artspeech/girls/jerrice.html

Random Musings

The Second important difference between Yesterday’s God and Tomorrow’s God:

Tomorrow’s God is without gender, size, shape, color, or any of
the characteristics of an individual living being.

©Neale Donald Walsch; Excerpted from “Tomorrow’s God: Our greatest spiritual challenge”

~*~*~*~*~*~

I’ve been doing some reading lately. It started by picking up a tiny book called “The Bringers of Light”. It was a very small instructional manual of sorts on how to be a bringer of light. I’ll admit I didn’t read it all the way through. It was so small I skimmed it. But in it, I remember it mentioned the series of books from Neale Donald Walsch entitled: “Conversations with God”. I had seen the title so many times, I thought “That’s it, I’m going to see what all the fuss is about!”.

I bought the first book, and then the 5th book. I started to read the first one and it has such interesting ideas and concepts on God. It calls “God” both he and she. It calls for an open mind when reading it but I found that even as foreign as some concepts were. Some of them really resonated with me.

In the meantime I had started book one, but the 5th book caught my eye. So I picked that up and have literally not been able to put it down. Unlike my reading of other books where I half read/half skim, I really read this. I’m not done by any means, but my point is when I read it, I READ it. I processed it. I thought about it. And I still think about it.

One of the things in this book is the many differences between the God of yesterday and tomorrow’s God. Now, being of a pagan origin in my spirituality, the “genderless God” in the statement above really appealed to me. One of the many philosophies in the pagan religions that have always appealed to me regardless of the name of the pagan religion is the duality of the God/Goddess. I’ve always aligned with the feminine side of divinity.

But, I digress. The point of this post is that this book is DEFINITELY worth reading. Whether or not you decide it’s a meandering of one’s biased thoughts, or a valid vehicle for divine inspiration and a positive change for the world, it’s still worth the read.

Why did I post this today? I have absolutely no idea.

But if you DO read it, let me know your thoughts. I’d like to hear different people’s views on this book (without inciting a religious debate please).

~*~*~*~*~*~

As for me, I’m on my third day back to work and the infamous Crony is here too. It’s been an interesting day, but thankfully free of the trials and tribulations that seem to be common here. I have three more hours left here today and then I get to burst forth from the doors into freedom! Hopefully I will find something to keep me busy…

You are a blessing to me everyday. Thank you for being part of my life, every one of you.

Muse

A little competition never hurt anyone eh?

So Google Man and I were talking today about one of our mutual goals. That goal is the loss of weight. We both agree that we will work together on this and support each other. Well today we formalized an attack plan. I must say it’s nice, a little competition never hurt eh?

So here’s the deal:

For every day that I walk, he must walk. On those days, the only requirement for either of us, is that you must walk at least .25/mile. If he does not walk on a day that I do, I can force him to watch something he would absolutely hate to watch on TV or cable and I get to gloat :D.

This goes on for one month starting today. Then on April 13th, we reverse it…

Then the pressure is on me (so I should be nice to him eh? Stack up some favors? ;) For every day that he walks I must walk and if I don’t… well I can only imagine the shows he’ll make me watch (think sports BLEH).

So I have this to say to Google Man, despite being a tad bit under the weather I have one piece of advice for him. You might want to pick up a good walking CD when you leave work today, because I walked today. You know what that means! :D

Cheers for me!

Stats:
Time walked: 15 minutes
Distance: .35/mile
Fat grams burned: 19
Fat Calories Burned: 59
Speed walked 1.5/mile per hour

To the unforgiving muse

If you do not sow in the spring you will not reap in the autumn. ~Irish Proverb

~*~*~*~*~

Dear Unforgiving Muse,

I have looked upon your antics for a very long time with a kind eye. I’ve been sympathetic to your plight. Recently though, I became aware of a very powerful tool that can be used to begin the cleansing process. A simple sentence was uttered that changed everything. When you became aware of this you gave it a try, delving with the eagerness of a new student into the realms of possibility. What you discovered however, you were not prepared to handle.

I watched you then as a truth penetrated the stone fortress of pain you had built around you. It found a small crack and wormed its way into the core of your belief. Your reaction I watched, and in dismay noted that you became quiet, sullen, even withdrawn.

I can not sit by idly anymore. Where you cannot take control, I will. It is why I write this letter, because for too long you were fractured and I am determined that you will be whole again.

Realize I understand intimately the pain you felt. It has shaped your decisions, your life, and your direction ever since. But when the sun came out again you didn’t look at it and that was where your mistake was. You kept your eyes down and the hurt that was once normal, became a wound infected.

You must let go, you must forgive and before you can forgive the one person you thought was the source of this pain, you must do something you didn’t think you had to do.

You must forgive yourself.

The hardest thing in this world to do is to clean your own “house”. You recognized that day you approached the idea of forgiveness… that this was what you had to do. Yet you shrank away. I’m here to tell you, to grab you by the hand and TELL you that you WILL do this, you CAN do this, and you WILL succeed and be free.
So we start now, publicly, together, by saying these few things and opening the door to the beauty that for too long has been buried underneath the pain in my heart:

Unforgiveness is a form of abuse. I will no longer abuse myself.

I do from this moment forward forgive myself for the things I noticed but didn’t pay attention to. I forgive myself for wanting so badly to get out of the house that I lied to myself. I forgive myself for making decisions further impacting my life, using the badge of “marriage” as my excuse, when they were really choices made to help me avoid the truth. I forgive myself for all the things I know in my heart I did, said, or perpetuated because of the hurt I held inside. And lastly, and most importantly, I forgive myself because I deserve to be forgiven... I deserve to be free.

This is just the start Unforgiving Muse. Expect a lot of changes around here. But today, just for today, start with these words. Say these words, believe these words. Change them from a foreign language to a language inherent to your heart. And when you’re ready I’ll be right here forgiving you, loving you, and moving on with you.

Warmly,
Sue

A letter of Goodbye (Long Overdue)

“With every ending, something new begins.” ~Maxine Cates

~*~*~*~*~*~

Dear Reclusive Muse,

The time has come and can no longer be denied. I’ve tried to avoid it, but regardless it’s here. It is time for us to part ways.

You came and offered me quiet seclusion at a time when I needed that the most. When I needed to shut down the voices of insanity as my world changed dramatically, you appeared and gave me peace. You became my very close friend, shutting out almost all others, leaving just four determined people who wouldn’t let go of me, (in my original “real life” circle of friends).

I don’t mean to be all negative here; it wasn’t all bad for us. In fact, you helped bring about some good changes for me, I recognize that. But in the end your style, the closed door and closed mind approach to life as it happened around me but didn’t involve me, is not the style of life I wish to lead any longer.

It seems in my life, two times now that I can think of, I’ve had awakenings. This second awakening is one that just can’t be ignored. Even if I wanted to ignore it, other forces are at work bringing about people and circumstances in my life that force me to be aware. And you know what?

I like it.

I like being in control of what I feel (to a certain extent). I like not being even sadder than I already was, when I couldn’t call someone (and you know, I really could not call at times.) because of my depression. I like feeling the warmth of my soul’s glow when I share with others, when I give and receive hugs, when I allow people to see me. I love the possibilities that have become available to me even while I wasn’t actively seeking them.

I do not doubt my old friend, that I will see you again. That perhaps from time to time you will offer your seductive reclusion to me and I might even accept, even just for a day. But I have to be firm and tell you here and now, that it is time for our goodbye.

I smile fondly knowing you were what I needed, but I smile warmly now, knowing this is the right choice for me. I bid you adieu reclusive muse…with no regrets.

Warm regards,
Awakened/Social/Happy Muse

Well dip me in color and call me AUBURN! Muse pics!

Ahh the marvels of modern technology, the wonder of it all... I'm in a hell of a goofy mood today. My first day back at work, bleh. BUT, I'm sporting a new do so I thought I'd share with you :P

Sunday night Sendoff...

If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupery

There is no chance, no destiny, no fate that can hinder or control the firm resolve of a determined soul. ~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

“Put your mind, heart, intellect and soul even to your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.” ~Swami Sivananda

~*~*~*~*~*~

I have had the most wonderful weekend. Bursting with all the excitement of good friends, companionship, and so much more, I am still breathless with it all. While life has twisted everyone’s journey, some for the darker it seems; for once my life has twisted into the light a bit.

I have to say that knowing Google Man and having him in my life has made for a very interesting time. He is at once supportive of my thoughts, firm when I need it, and full of understanding that somehow he has, even though he’s only known me a short time. This is the stuff of good friends; people that care, that listen, and respond in only the way a friend knows how to. I am very happy to integrate him into my circle of friends and even into my heart.

I have spent the past two weekends sick. (An unfortunate thing for Google man who has been there for both incidences). Last weekend I had the misfortune of drinking something that was bad. Food poisoning sucks, plain and simple. Google man stayed the night at my house, sitting next to my bed watching over me in the event that I needed anything.

This weekend I’ve contracted some intestinal viral thing which has left me both in pain and frustrated at my body. Again Google man has been a champion sticking it out with me, even staying up until 5am one morning just to make sure I fell asleep.

Even despite those sicknesses however, I have been surrounded by friends. I have heard some hard times hitting many people, and have great sadness for them. But in a strange turn of events at least for me, instead of getting all sad and depressed for all the things I could not do for those people; I instead sent out positivity by sharing my joys with everyone. Everyday I pray for people, think of people, worry for people. But this weekend in particular I coupled that with joy, and sent THAT out for people too. May the intention of that speed to you who need it.

Tonight, I sit across the table from Google man as we geek out on our computers and talk. And I smile at him as he knows now the dreams I’ve held dear to my heart of my goals for Utopia Skye. He listened to them all, never once putting them down. He offered help, and even better, nurtured my creativity. The night before I have to go back to the hell hole known as work, I simply cannot think of a better place to be both physically and emotionally. To have had so many visits with friends that my mind is still swimming in it, and to have had to outlet to once again walk in my dreams without watering them with reality… These are the things that fill my soul. A big thank you to my friends who whether on the phone, in person or in my mind have nurtured my spirit and given me the best send off to work that one could possibly have.

I came across this prayer today while searching for the quotes above. This post was to be all about dreams but it seems I’ve derailed my own post :P However, the one thing I DO want to give to people, especially those who are having a rough time right now, is this prayer. It is small and it’s all I have to give, but it is an affirmation of what I attempt to do each day… I hope it brings you peace today.

I Arise Today
Attributed to Saint Patrick, translated by Kuno Meyer.
I arise today
Through the strength of heaven:
Light of sun,
Radiance of moon,
Splendor of fire,
Speed of lightning,
Swiftness of wind,
Depth of sea,
Stability of earth
Firmness of rock.


~*~*~*~*~*~
WELL WISHES
Today I wish simply for you to know that you are cared for. That even across the digital universe, someone is thinking of you and hoping your day is bright.

You are a blessing to me everyday.


~*~*~*~*~*~
AND REMEMBER
"The fact that I can plant a seed and it becomes a flower, share a bit of knowledge and it becomes another's, smile at someone and receive a smile in return, are to me continual spiritual exercises." ~ Leo Buscaglia, American author and teacher

(Don’t forget to smile!)

Life 101

"If we had no winter, spring would not be so pleasant; If we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." ~Anne Bradstreet, 17th Century poet

~*~*~*~*~*~

I know we grow with the lessons of life. I know the pains in our hearts serve to make us stronger. I know the spiritual, emotional growth that comes as part of weathering life’s adversity. But dammit why do we have to hurt to learn, to grow? Why can’t knowledge be imparted on us in some way other than painful?

I am so sorry for all those in my life close or extended, that are suffering. I’m angry in some ways, sad in so many others, and just praying for everyone.

Miss R – your sister in law, I send her love and hugs, and to you to strengthen your spirit.

Mrs. Virgo – your mother, and so many others you know have things going on… I send you love and peace and hope for brighter days.

Kelli – for your own inner turmoil, I send you love and strength. I think of you in particular today because I know too well the pain in the heart…

For all those I’ve not mentioned who have things going on, who know family or friends who have things going on; I send you hope, prayers, love today. I wish I could take all of it away. I truly do. But I can’t, so all I can do is hold your hand digitally…

XO

Muse

Lillies vs orchids, Pendants, and Wicked Wicked Wicked!!

"There comes a moment when you realize that virtually anything is possible-- that nothing is too good to be true." -Kobi Yamoda

We need only remind ourselves that much of what we take for granted today was once considered an impossibility. For it is only after we have pushed past the realm of impossibility that the possible can emerge. May you always be aware there is no "m" in possibility.

May you be aware that you are loved beyond measure and a cherished blessing to me. Visit www.myheartfeltblessings.com at any time.

May your day be filled with all things good,

Kate

~*~*~*~*~*~

So many good things to report, I just don’t know where to begin! Ok, breathe, start from the top…

So, in April I’m doing something I’ve never done …EVER. I’m going into the city to see the production of WICKED! I’ll be sitting in Orchestra seating, listening to every bit of the show that I’m told is the best that even my MOTHER saw in 20 years. Then I’ll be staying the night at the Hotel Blake in Chicago, a 4 star hotel with all the amenities. And as if it couldn’t get any better than that, on Saturday 4-7-07, I will be going for the first time EVER to the Art Institute. Mrs. Virgo, and Kyle will be meeting Google Man and I for a days worth of adventures at the home of Art.

It’s also a very special day on 4-6-07, it’s Google Man’s Birthday. I am so excited for the weekend, for the friendship, for the fun. And I can think of no better way to celebrate Google Man’s Birthday than with friends and entertainment of the best quality.

I wonder though, if I’m more excited than Google man? Hehe, I have outfits prepared to buy, worries about my hair and makeup and all sorts of things I never worried about. “Girlie Things” I called them; things like playing dress up :P I can’t WAIT to partake of what I’ve starved myself of for so long. It should prove to be a most wondrous time!

On another note, the flowers I received the other day are in full bloom. The LILIES are gorgeous, making me sneeze but too beautiful to do anything about it. Why is LILIES capitalized? Well let me tell you, that involves the story of a kind man who didn’t want to embarrass someone, even though that someone was wrong.

When I got married my bouquet was all orchids; beautiful cymbidium (sp?) and princess Orchids. It was a cascade of flowers that was just as breathtaking as a waterfall, and it was hand chosen by me. So naturally, when the flowers arrived I oooh’d and ahhhh’d at that marvelous orchids in the vase, just waiting to open. Sure enough they did open, and they’re so beautiful! But as I was ever so gently told yesterday by none other than Google Man himself (I mean he would know right? He did buy the things :P) that the flowers in the bouquet were LILIES, and not orchids. So after my face flushed with embarrassment, I realized that I had thought LILIES were Orchids for 16 years because the florist gave me LILIES instead of orchids!

Well I suppose it’s never too late to learn :P

On another unrelated note, today will be a bit rough for me (maybe). If you can spare just a moment of your time, please offer up some strength and resolve to me. Nothing major, don’t panic, but rough…

And lastly, today I started the day with song. Bleary eyed at 6:30am, making coffee and fumbling about, I started song. Soon enough the music wove it’s strands of magic in to the start of my day and I think, today will be a good magical day of song.

I’m happy to share it all with you today.
Muse

~*~*~*~*~*~

WELL WISHES
I wish today that not only does song swirl about you soothing the savage beast ;) but that also you find a place of peace today. Find a place of love. There is no greater feeling than that of love and joy. That is my wish for you today that love and song abounds freely surrounding your cares and diffusing the bad ones while enhancing the good ones.

You are a blessing to me everyday

~*~*~*~*~*~

AND ONE MORE THING…

I got my pendant yesterday from Sacred Suzie! It’s beautiful! I wear it now and I swear I can almost feel the love, intention, and energy put into it’s creation. Thank you so much Suzie, it is LOVELY.

XO

Releasing the songbird - Part 2

Always when quietness seeps into my heart, I know ultimately what will free my spirit to soar... even if I do not utilize that knowledge right away. I'm always surprised when the walls come down and the songbird is released from her self imposed prison. It's a time when the song itself isn't what matters, but the absolute definitive energy with which the words burst forth from my heart that blankets everything. When I'm not afraid how I sound but that I wont sound at all; is truly when I shine.

Once the songbird is released, the creative poet not to be outdone comes forward also looking for her expression. And still too even after the two creative geniuses that reside somewhere in me are free, the birth of possibility, the constant happiness that exists because it is POSSIBLE comes forth and speaks her words of wisdom.

GOD what joy I would have if I could feel this every single second...

That is where I am right now, sitting at my computer, singing songs I swore for years I couldn't sing anymore. Writing words I wasn't sure I would ever feel as part of my literary expression... I know this is not much of a post, but the happiness in my song should tell you all that you need to know. Today is beautiful, all things are possible, life is good, and songs are being sung. I am happy.

May your day be as blissful as mine is this moment, just through song. Be well friends,
Muse

A special thanks to Google man for this special delivery... :)

The truth about the post...

I know I promised a personal post. I know I promised myself I would write it. And I started to… I really did.

For the most part this blog has been my place to post my thoughts and I have done so with some very personal things. I have boldly stepped into the realm of public display of my life and done so with very little fear for the most part.

But this one is just too personal, at least right now. Suffice to say it’s an exercise in putting my past demons to rest and wrestling with current issues. And I think the past should be put to rest, and the things thought of and concluded, but privately. So while I will not share this with you all, I hope you’ll forgive me, but respect my decision.

~*~

In other news, life has suddenly become very busy. I’ve been offline more than on and it’s nice for a change. There are so many things I could write about. Indeed many times throughout the week I’ve thought, “Oh! There’s a blog post right there!” But when I sit in front of the machine despite having some inspiration, more often than not the page stays white, empty, and the cursor blinks at me begging me to type… but I am without words.

As a nearly final update in the saga of the cancer that appeared in my life months ago, I am finally returning back to the office on March 12th. I’m sure most of you know how I feel about that. Prospects for a new position are dim right now and my motivation is lacking too.

Can I just say right now, that I hate menopause? I HATE it. I’ve tried to learn to live with it, let it share my space but I can’t stand it. The sweats, the mood swings, the fears, the changes. I continually have to come to grips with it and more often than not, I take with just barely quiet resignation that I just wont be rid of it for many years. But while I take it, it doesn’t mean I have to like it. In fact, to reiterate…I HATE it.

Blah blah blah. I’ll stop now. I’ll be back soon.

***EDIT***
Tell me the hairs don't stand up on your neck when you read my horoscope from yesterday. (And before you blast me with the "validity" of horoscopes etc, realize i don't USUALLY give them much weight... but just read, and you'll see why this freaked me out...)

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)
Although you might feel hung up on matters at work or even to do with your health, these problems will pass. They might have occurred last August, and they will come to a head again in June/July. But after that, they'll be gone for 36 years. Courage!

Date of Diagnosis: August 28, 2006
Next post Op Appointment: July 2007